


Feathers & Thorns

by TsukiDaisy



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blood Drinking, Blow Jobs, Come Sharing, Cure For Ghoulism, Dirty Talk, Drinking, Everyone tops and bottoms, Face Slapping, First Time Blow Jobs, Frottage, Gore, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Polyamory, Rimming, Rough Oral Sex, Sex Toys, Spanking, Threesome, Torture, Vore, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-05 02:49:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 65,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4162836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsukiDaisy/pseuds/TsukiDaisy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A cure for Ghoulism is found, but it's not as perfect as it seems. After Hide is injured from defending the ghouls-turned-humans, Tsukiyama offers his help to Kaneki which leads them to a secluded safe haven away from all the trouble. Though the three of them have achieved safety, it's hard to fully enjoy it knowing what's happening in Tokyo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Too Good To Be True

Kaneki had first heard about it in a passing conversation when he was walking to the coffee shop.

"...do they expect everything to just work out? I mean, no matter what, a ghoul is a ghoul, after all..."

The word 'ghou'l always made him tense up, it had become a natural reflex at this point, but this time, along with his tight muscles, a weird feeling twisted in his stomach. The two people were out of hearing range now, but Kaneki could still hear the voices ringing in his head. What did it mean? Had something big happened in the ghoul world? He pulled his coat close to him and picked up his pace. If something of note had happened, Yoshimura-san was sure to know about it. 

When he reached the shop, he was surprised to see that the sign was turned to "Closed". Touka should have already opened by now. 

With a sinking feeling pulling heavily at him, he pushed through the door. Touka was sitting at one of the tables, her head resting in her arms. Kaneki would have thought she was just tired, but her trembling shoulders told a different story. Rushing towards her, his mind began racing with terrible scenarios.  

"Touka, what happened?" He placed a hand urgently on her shaking shoulder, but she didn't respond. His gaze frantically wracked the room until his eyes fell on Yomo, sitting at the table that was in clear view of the television. His eyes were fixed to the screen, and his face was completely blank. "Yomo-san, what's happening?" 

Yomo's gaze took a few seconds to flick to him. He opened his mouth but no words came out. He shook his head lightly and gestured to the screen. 

Kaneki felt dread twist in his stomach. Kaneki looked at the television and felt an odd sensation spread through his body as he read the bottom caption. 

_Cure for ghoulism found, treatment to start immediately._

On the screen was a group of proffesionally dressed people, their names broadcasted below them. Kankeki found it hard to understand the conversation they were having. 

"After the injections, the ghouls, or  _former_ ghouls, will be monitored for a short period of time before being introduced back into society." 

Kaneki collapsed into the chair next to Yomo, his mouth dry and his eyes wide. 

"But are the injections foolproof? I'm sure I'm not the only one holding the concern of some sort of rejection of the serum." 

"Well the injections specifically target the RC cells, destroying the abundance in a ghoul. We made it based on the CRC gas we've been using as a weapon against the ghouls up until now. After the serum has done it's work, a small surgery to remove the kagune sack will take place, and the ghoul is effectively humanized." 

Yomo stood and flipped the tv off. Kaneki stared at the black screen speechless. He opened his mouth and found himself unable to talk. He closed his mouth and swallowed, grappling with the hot feeling that was rising in his chest. He finally spoke, his voice sounding meek in the quiet shop. "It's not a trick, is it?" 

Yomo crossed his arms and sighed. "I don't think it is." 

Touka raised her head and spoke up, her voice watery. "Why would they lie about something like this! I can... I can be-" She let out a strange laugh as she wiped at her bleary eyes. 

Kaneki smiled uneasily at her. This seemed like a good thing, but that was just it, it was  _too_  good. How was he supposed to believe that all the fighting, the death, the secrets, the hiding, all of that would disappear suddenly, just because of what he saw on the television? He shot Yomo a quick look, hoping to find some of his own feelings reflected there, but even at a time like this Yomo's face was a blank mask. 

A muffled shout resounded through the shop and a door slammed upstairs. Irimi appeared from the stairs, her eyes shining with rage. Koma was at her heels, his usual cheery expression warped with anger. 

"Do you know how stupid you would be to fall for something like this?" 

Irimi turned on her heel to face him, her nose inches from his. "Stupid, huh? For wanting a normal life? That's  _stupid_?" 

Koma looked shocked at the close proximity of her but held his ground. "No, you're stupid for believing this isn't some setup. You honestly are gonna trust the people who have been hunting us all this time?" 

A harsh laugh left Irimi before she turned away and made for the shop door, opening it with a jerk. "That's fine. You can work here until you die, hiding like a coward. See if that gives you the redemption you want." She spat the words at him, her face warped with bitterness. "As for me, I'll take my chances with the CCG." And with that, she left. 

Koma looked to them, deflating as his anger ebbed away and gave into despair. "She's going to die." The words left him in a small voice, completely uncharacteristic of him. 

Touka stood up, her shoulders squared. "I'm going with her." 

Before Koma or Kaneki could object, Yoshimura appeared. 

"No you aren't." 

Touka shot him a venomous stare. "I am. I've lived like this long enough." Her voice cracked on the last syllable. 

Yoshimura sighed lightly and turned toward all of them. "Irimi is going to the CCG right now. Koma and I tried to stop her, but she's set on going." 

Koma huffed but said nothing. 

Yoshimura continued, "I'm not saying Irimi made the wrong choice. This could very well be a chance for ghouls to join society. But at this point, we simply don't know enough. I want you to have a chance at a normal life," He turned his attention to Touka, "I just ask that you wait. We need to see, to observe. This news, it's rattled the ghoul community, and a lot of people are rushing to have the operation. If we wait, we can see if it's a ploy. And if it isn't..." 

He smiled warmly, leaving his sentence floating in the quiet shop. 

Touka stared at him for a few tense seconds before averting her eyes and sitting down stiffly. Yoshimura nodded, pleased with Touka's choice. 

"We'll wait a month. By then, we should know. For now, let's open up shop." 


	2. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rocky Balboa, some good news, and plums.

"Kaneki! Did you hear on the news?" 

Kaneki was in the middle of pouring coffee, but turned at the familiar voice. Hide looked like a kid who got exactly what he wanted for Christmas. Hide put his palms flat on the counter and pushed himself up, smiling all the while. Kaneki knew Hide had an interest in ghouls, but this reaction was unexpected. 

"Um, about the serum?" 

Hide nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah man! Can you believe it?" 

Even though the exchange from earlier this morning still had Kaneki feeling drained, Hides' smile was infectious. "Yeah, I saw it. It's um, pretty hard to believe." 

Hides' eyes, usually glinting with good humor, seemed to be shining with something else that Kaneki couldn't put his finger on. Hide sighed, his wide smile still plastered on his face. "I'm really happy they managed to make something." 

Kaneki laughed lightly, "Yeah, I can see that." Kaneki was perplexed by Hide's high spirits over the news, but before he could think more into it, he realized what time it was. "Aren't you supposed to be in class right now?" 

Hide's smile turned sheepish. "Yeah, I was actually in class when I found out about everything." Kaneki raised an eyebrow and Hide leaned over to punch him playfully in the arm. "You think I'm gonna sit in class while the biggest breakthrough in history is going down?" He shrugged. "I was kind of hoping you hadn't heard about it yet, so I could break the news." 

"You're a little late for that." Touka walked up to the counter, adjusting her collar. 

"Ahh, Touka-chan, are you the one who stole my thunder?" Hide stuck his bottom lip out playfully. 

"It's not your thunder, and I didn't steal it. Most people in Japan have a little something called a television." 

Hide waved his hand dismissively at her sarcasm. "So cold to me, Touka-chan, always so cold." 

She rolled her eyes but a smile was tugging at her lips as she left to attend to a customer. Hide turned his attention back to Kaneki. "So, a celebration is in order, don't you think? Beckoning in a new age and all, you know?" 

His mind immediately went to Big Girls, their usual ‘celebration’ spot and his stomach turned at the thought of the food. They hadn't been since he had first became a ghoul and had nearly thrown up on the table, and now  he was wondering if his lucky streak of avoiding the burger joint had finally reached it's end. "What do you have in mind?" 

Turning serious, his dark eyes locked onto Kaneki. "You. Me. 5 Rocky Balboa movies." 

Kaneki felt himself relax, only just then realizing he had been tensed up. He gave Hide an incredulous look. "Do we have to watch them in English?" 

Hide opened his bag excitedly and pulled out a thick dvd case. "I just got the whole collection in the mail yesterday," He wiggled his eyebrows, "And it's got the Japanese dub." 

Kaneki sighed dramatically. "Then I guess I can't say no." 

"Yes!" Hide pumped his fist in the air at his victory before tossing the dvd case back in his bag and zipping it up. "Then I'll be at your place tonight. I'm gonna go catch the last half of my class then!" 

He waved to Touka and started singing the Rocky theme song in fragmented English. Kaneki laughed despite himself and Hide pumped his fist in the air again before leaving the shop, still singing as the door swung shut behind him. 

His smile still lingered when Yoshimura appeared from the ‘Staff Only’ door. 

"Kaneki-kun, may I have a word?" 

Kaneki nodded and batted down the sick lurch that twisted in his stomach. Was he in trouble? 

Yoshimura seemed to read his thoughts and offered a kind smile. "It's nothing to worry about." 

Kaneki returned the smile and hastily joined him in the staff room. 

Yoshimura shut the door and turned his attention to him. "I think it would be best to keep this from Hinami, for the time being." He folded his hands behind his back before continuing, "With everything that has happened in the past few months, I don't want to feed her false hope." 

Kaneki nodded understandingly. He knew how Yoshimura felt. Hinami had already experienced great loss, and something like this turning out to be some sort of scam from the CCG, it might completely crush her. 

Yoshimura nodded and gave him another smile. "Thank you for understanding." 

Kaneki looked towards the door before turning his gaze back to him. "Would you like me to talk to Touka about it?" 

Yoshimuras’ smile deepened. "That would probably be best." 

Kaneki nodded again. "Okay." 

Yoshimura thanked him again before Kaneki returned to work.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~   

  
Time seemed to move at a lurching pace, every day limping by without any news from Irimi. Every morning when Kaneki would make it to the shop, he could physically feel the tense atmosphere from the others. And with every passing day, it got thicker and thicker, setting his teeth on edge. Touka looked as if she hadn't slept since the news announcement. Her hair was disheveled and her eyes were prone to fixating on a distant point. He would have to call her name a few times before hazy eyes would meet his and she would continue working. He knew it must be hard for Touka, having such a thing waved in front of her face, only to have that hope slowly sour with every tick of the clock. Koma had broken more coffee cups than Kaneki could mention, and would always apologize absentmindedly before sweeping the pieces up. The tension made Kaneki want to crawl out of his skin. 

  
But the tension was broken, finally, a week after the announcement. Kanekis' shift was just about up and he had been watching the clock boredly when the door opened. He straightened himself and turned to greet the customer, but his words stuck in his throat when he saw Irimi, standing with her hands clasped shyly in front of her, a nervous smile tugging at her lips. A cup shattered behind him, and he didn't have to turn to know that Touka had spotted their new arrival. 

A few beats of silence passed, disbelief hanging thickly in the air. Touka was the first to break the spell, her voice raised sharply, "Yoshimura-san!" She waited less than five seconds before calling his name again, her voice higher and louder. 

Yoshimura and Koma appeared suddenly, halting suddenly when they saw Irimi. 

Before a word could be said, Koma had rushed to her and picked her up in a tight embrace. Surprised laughter burst from her and the shock of her appearance melted instantly into joy. 

Kaneki found himself being dragged to Irimi, his heart thrumming fast in his chest. They were all around her, words of relief mixing in an excited buzz. Koma had his arms wrapped around her waist, as if she might disappear if he let her go. 

Touka grabbed her arm. "Did it work? Are you..." 

Irimi nodded vigorously, causing the tears that were glittering in her eyes to slide down her cheeks. 

Touka grabbed Koma and Irimi and pulled them into a tight hug as she laughed. "I can't believe it, I can't believe it..." 

Hope, for the first time in months, burned hot and bright in Kaneki's chest.

~~~

"Well the first thing they do is ask you loads of questions." Irimi said, blowing on her cup of coffee. "They ask you about affiliations, how you get your food, how often you eat, lots of things like that." 

Everyone was crammed around a small table excluding Yoshimura, who stood near the counter, listening intently. Koma's chair was pulled closely to Irimi's own. As she talked, his hand would sometimes reach out and tentatively touch her arm, as if making sure she wasn't a hallucination. 

"After that, you have to present your mask to them, and show them your kagune. Then you go in for surgery." She snapped her fingers in front of her. "And just like that, you're human." 

Touka, who had been studiously absorbing her words, spoke up. "Do you feel any different?" 

Irimi sipped her coffee before sitting it down and folding her arms across her chest. "Well, my energy is way down. And it feels like I'm constantly hungry. It's pretty irritating having to eat every few hours too." 

Touka nodded, and Kaneki could practically see her storing the information away in her head. 

Irimi broke out into a grin. "But for the first time in my life, I feel completely invincible." 

Touka sucked in a breath and leaned forward. "Have you tried a plum? I've always wondered what they tasted like." 

Irimi shook her head. "I haven't. I  _have_  tried a few fruit though and let me tell you," She stuck her tongue out in mock disgust, "They all taste way too strong. It's a really, I don't know, overbearing taste? It's like-" She waved her hand in the air, trying to conjure the words, "-It's like eating perfume. That's not totally right, though. But the CCG said that sweet things might take getting used to, since it's something completely new to us." 

Touka continued asking questions, but Kaneki let his mind withdraw from the conversation, taking the time to sort his thoughts as he leaned back in his chair. 

A cure. It was real. The idea, though it had been rolling around his head for a week, still seemed incomprehensible. He could go back to his peaceful life. Ever since becoming a ghoul, danger had been coming at him from every angle. Fellow ghouls, Tsukiyama-san, the incident with Hinami's mother, his encounter with that young Dove-- dangerous thing after dangerous thing had been happening to him, and to think, within just a small amount of time, everything could be normal again. It was like pressing restart after getting a bad route on a video game. 

He suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to see Hide. He looked at the clock and saw it was well past his shift. He stood and bowed slightly. "I'm sorry, I have plans with someone...." 

They all said goodbye to him as he left the shop in a hurry. He didn't actually have plans yet, but that was the great thing about Hide, he was always willing to hang out. He pulled his phone from his pocket and tapped a quick message out.

**_You know how I fell asleep during the last Rocky movie?_ **

He waited less than a minute for the reply. 

**_I'm on my way!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have you seen the dubbed Japanese Rocky Balboa films? It's a trip, lemme tell ya.   
> also you can find me on tumblr at tsukidaisy.tumblr.com


	3. After A Long Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something bad has happened to Hide, and an unfriendly face makes an appearance

Kaneki always felt good when he knew Hide would be over. He found himself humming as he started a pot of coffee. As the coffee brewed, Kaneki wandered into the living room. He flopped on the couch and pulled out his phone. It had been 20 minutes since Hide sent his last message. Kaneki had expected him to be here by now, but he probably had got caught up with something. He rested his head on the back of the couch and let his eyes focus blankly at the ceiling. 

Normal. He would get to be normal again. When should he go for the surgery? He'd have to ask Yoshimura for a week off. He had already decided that the first thing he would do after the change would be to treat Hide to Big Girls. He smiled and lazily lifted his phone up to check the time. 30 minutes. He sighed and let his arm flop next to him as he let out a bored groan. Hurry up, Hide. 

His apartment was annoyingly quiet. He stood up and padded into the kitchen. He poured himself some coffee and leaned against the counter, blowing on the cup absentmindedly. The hum of the fridge was kind of irritating. He debated unplugging it but decided pulling it away from the wall to get to the outlet was too much of a hassle. 

He was debating pouring himself a second cup of coffee when an urgent knock roused him from his lazy thoughts. It had been nearly an hour since Hide had sent him a message. Kaneki set his cup down on the counter and went to the door, composing an annoyed expression on his face to give to Hide when he opened it. But when he did open the door, any expression or thought he had was ripped away. 

Hide was slouched, his arm draped around a broad shoulder. The scene would have looked like a friend supporting his extremely drunk companion, but instead of the heavy scent of alcohol, it was blood that assaulted Kaneki's nose. His eyes raked over Hide and fell on the soaking dark bloom on his side. Kanekis' head shook from side to side, as if denying what was before him, as if trying to shake the very image from his mind. 

"Kaneki-kun, if we may come in..." The man supporting Hide spoke and Kaneki's gaze snapped to him. 

Another wave of despair hit him as he saw who it was. "You're..." 

Tsukiyama. The last time Kaneki had seen him, he was laying on a church floor, dead. 

But he wasn't dead, because he was here now, holding his best friend, who had a sinister dark stain that was, oh god, did it seem bigger now? 

Sharp pain sliced though his lower back. Tsukiyama was saying something, but Kaneki could only hear his own ragged breathing and the sharp sound of ripping cloth as his kagune slipped free. "What did you do?" He breathed, his throat tight and hot. 

At his words, Hide stirred and weakly raised his head. His eyes were hazy and took a few seconds to lock onto him. All the sound seemed to drain from the scene and time seemed to halt. Hide smiled weakly. "Badass...Tent...acles." 

With those words, Hides' eyes dimmed and his knees buckled. Tsukiyama grabbed him more firmly so he didn't fall forward. 

The spell was broken over Kaneki. "We need to stop the bleeding." 

Tsukiyama wrapped his arm under Hides' limp legs and picked him up with ease, bringing him inside. "Take him to my room." Kaneki rushed into the bathroom and began wetting cloths. 

"And where might that be?" Tsukiyama called. 

Kaneki cursed under his breath and grabbed some bandages before meeting Tsukiyama in the hall. "Follow me, quickly." 

The wound was bad, but whatever had injured Hide had sliced his side, avoiding any of his organs. Kaneki quickly cleaned the blood away as Tsukiyama brought him fresh towels. Hide was cold and covered in a thin sheen of sweat as they lifted him to wrap the bandage around his stomach, but he didn't stir. 

Kaneki had calmed down while working on Hide, and now that he was bandaged and cared for, Kaneki sucked in a deep breath and took his hand. He was wrapped in a sour happiness, knowing that Hide had been hurt, but that he was okay, that he would survive. 

His vision had narrowed to only see Hide, so he gave a start with Tsukiyama spoke for the first time since they had entered his room. "Dis-moi, who were you thanking?" 

Kaneki turned towards him, but kept a firm grip on Hides' hand. "What do you mean?" He noticed that Tsukiyama's hair was disheveled and his clothes were spotted with blood. 

Despite his appearance, he gave Kaneki a refined smile. "As you cleaned him, you were repeating the words, "thank you, thank you." 

Kaneki didn't recall saying anything as he was working, and he certainly didn't know how to answer his question. He turned back to Hide. 

A comfortable silence fell between them, and he was quietly grateful that Tsukiyama didn't press him. 

After a few minutes of watching Hide sleep, Tsukiyama drew him out of his thoughts again. "Kaneki-kun, I noticed earlier, but it seems during the incident ton ami had an  _accident._ " 

Kaneki didn't understand at first, but when he looked down he saw that the front of Hide's khakis were dark. He felt his face burn hot with second hand embarrassment. "Oh..." 

"It is nothing to be ashamed of." Tsukiyama commented, "But it should probably be taken care of soon." 

"Um, yeah, you're right." Kaneki turned to Tsukiyama. "Can you bring me another wet towel, please?" 

"Bien sûr." He bowed lightly before leaving the room. 

Kaneki turned his gaze back to Hide and squeezed his hand. 

"It's all okay, nothing to be upset about." 

He knew Hide probably couldn't hear him, but he wanted to assure him anyway. 

Tsukiyama returned with a wet towel and left immediately after, closing the door behind him so they could have privacy. 

Kaneki got up and rummaged through his drawers, pulling out a pair of comfortable pajama pants. He set them at the foot of the bed and undid Hides' belt. He felt weird doing it, but he set his resolution and pulled Hides' boxers and pants down together in one quick motion. He tossed them into the hamper, his face burning hot. 

He picked up the damp towel but couldn't bring himself to look at Hides' exposed lower half. He instead looked at his face, all the familiar features relaxed in a peaceful sleep. He noticed that Hides' right eye was swollen, it would surely be black by the morning. Kaneki breathed in deeply a few times.  _You're doing what you have to do_  he told himself. 

His eyes shyly trailed up Hides' thighs before resting on his penis, laying limp against his dark pubic hair. Kaneki felt like his face was going to melt with how hot his face was. 

He brought the rag to Hides' pale thighs and washed them slowly.  _No big deal, no big deal_  he chanted in his head as he began running the towel over Hides' pubes. Kaneki thought of all the times he had seen the light trail of hair that disappeared into the waistband of Hides' pants. It was weird to see where that trail led. 

He cleared his throat and with a trembling hand he lightly lifted Hides' penis between his index and thumb so he could gently clean his balls. He could feel the intense heat of them through the towel and his heart felt as if it would leap from his throat. 

How clean was clean? When did it cross the line from cleaning to straight up fondling? This situation was just too stressful. 

Kaneki braced himself before running the cloth over Hides' soft length. No too bad, this wasn't too bad. 

He felt the thing in his hand twitch lightly. 

Kaneki stood from the bed abruptly and put his hands up in panic. Oh God. He was done, Hide was clean enough. 

Kaneki tossed the towel into the hamper and wiggled Hide into the pajama bottoms, refusing to look at his friend. He took the hamper with him when he left the room in a rush. 

He turned the contents of the hamper into the washing machine and started it up before washing his hands. He splashed some water on his face, trying in vain to diminish the raging blush. 

When he returned to the living room, Tsukiyama was sitting on the couch, his legs crossed elegantly. Kaneki sat on the opposite end of the couch and breathed a sigh. What time was it? He didn't now where he had left his phone and was too tired to go hunting for it. 

"You aren't running a fever, are you, Kaneki-kun?" There was a hint of playfulness in his voice. 

Kaneki turned his head slightly away from him, embarrassed. 

"You are too innocent, dear Kaneki-kun. The human body isn't something to be so ashamed of. Unless of course," Tsukiyama teased, "You had something  less than pure on your mind?" 

Kaneki waved his hands in front of him, snapping his head in Tsukiyama's direction. "Nothing like that!" 

Tsukiyama chuckled lightly. "You did what any real friend would do in such a situation. Do not let it worry you." 

Kaneki sighed and let his muscles relax for the first time it seemed in hours. It might have  _been_  hours. "I guess we need to talk, huh?" 

Tsukiyama uncrossed his legs. "Yes, I figured as much. Do you mind if we have our chat over some coffee?" 

Kaneki sighed but began hefting his tired body up, but Tsukiyama put his hand up to stop him, getting up himself. 

"Please relax. It has been a long night for you." 

Kaneki fell back onto the couch with an ungraceful flop. "Thanks." 

Tsukiyama gestured as if to say it wasn't a problem before disappearing into the kitchen. 

Kaneki closed his eyes and was immediately assaulted with the image of Hide covered in blood. The way he raised his head weakly and gave him a brave smile. 

Kaneki had been trying to push away the fact that he had seen his true form, but now that his mind had nothing to occupy it, the thought began tearing at him. What had Hide said? That his kagune was...

"Badass." Kaneki whispered into the air. A laugh bubbled in his throat but he pinned it down. How very like his best friend. Confronted with something so terrible, but maintaining such a smile. Saying something like that... 

He had no idea what this meant to their friendship, now that he knew Kaneki was a monster. But maybe there was some hope after all.


	4. Explanation and Giving Thanks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukiyama and Kaneki sit down to discuss things, and Kaneki shows his appreciation.

Kaneki jolted awake. Tsukiyama was above him, his purple hair hanging in his face. 

"I did not mean to startle you, Kaneki-kun." He smiled warmly. 

Kaneki stood up abruptly, nearly knocking Tsukiyama off balance. He couldn't believe he had fallen asleep with the man in his apartment. He had been completely defenseless, anything could have happened. His eyes immediately locked onto his bedroom door. 

If Tsukiyama was offended by his obvious lack of trust, he didn't show it. He straightened his shirt and gestured to the table, where two steaming cups of coffee sat. "You dozed off, it's only been about five minutes." 

Kaneki realized that he had unconsciously crouched, as if ready to fight, his breath leaving him in harsh gasps. He cleared his throat and straightened up and muttered an apology. "S-sorry." 

Tsukiyama looked at him with oddly delighted eyes, "No need to be. After all, the last meeting we had was rather," he smiled, as if relishing the memories, "strained." 

Kaneki had to stop himself from barking a harsh laugh. That was certainly a polite way of phrasing it. 

They both sat down and Kaneki carefully picked up his cup and blew on its contents. Just by the smell, he could tell that Tsukiyama brewed it strong. He would probably need it. They sat in silence, sipping from their cups as Kaneki got his questions in order. He supposed it would be best to start from the beginning. 

"How did you survive?" 

Tsukiyama wrapped his long fingers around the porcelain cup. "I ate myself." 

Oh. The answer caught him off guard. He wasn't sure what to expect, but he had never considered Tsukiyamas' miraculous revival to be from auto-cannibalism. Well, people do crazy things when their life is at stake. 

He set his cup down on the table and motioned to with his head to his closed bedroom door. "How did Hide get hurt? Were you following him?" 

Tsukiyama scoffed. "Of course not. I merely saw him being pursued by two ghouls and intervened." Tsukiyama tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, "Though they ended up getting away." 

Kaneki pondered over what Tsukiyama had said. Their ward was fairly orderly, and the territory that Hide would have to go through to get to his apartment was quite docile. For two ghouls to have blatantly attacked him, it seemed wrong. But another thought made Kaneki narrow his eyes. 

"What were you doing before you saw him?" 

Tsukiyamas' smile widened slightly. "It would be in my best interest to lie, but I will not. I was looking for you." 

Kaneki felt uneasy, but he couldn't say he wasn't expecting an answer along those lines. "What for?" 

"Because I'm interested in you, of course." 

Kaneki let his obvious distrust show on his features. 

Tsukiyama laughed lightly, "Would you prefer me to lie?" 

He thought honestly about Tsukiyamas' question. "No...but having you be so open is um, not expected." 

Tsukiyama shrugged before taking a small sip from his coffee. 

Kaneki went to rub his eyes before remembering his eyepatch. He pulled it off and set it next to his cup and lightly grinded his palms into his closed eyes. 

"Kaneki-kun, you should rest." 

He silently agreed but said nothing to Tsukiyamas' statement, opting instead to ask him another question. "When do you plan to leave?" The question seemed rude, but Kaneki didn't intend for it to come off that way. 

Tsukiyama seemed to understand. "When you wish for me to." 

He was glad at his answer. Tsukiyama was strong, and even though Kaneki knew the man had ulterior motives for helping him, he was comforted at his presence. Kaneki thought it was unlikely for the ghouls to come to his place, but he couldn't readily shake the notion. 

Kaneki was suddenly overwhelmed with gratefulness. Hide would be dead right now if it weren't for the man sitting on his couch. His chest seemed to tighten and his eyes started burning from something other than exhaustion. 

He rolled up his right sleeve. Maybe the mixture of shock and stress and the lack of sleep helped influence his decision, but at this moment it seemed the best way to repay Tsukiyama. "H-here." He stretched his bare arm out in the mans' direction. 

Tsukiyamas' face remained oblivious, but his nostrils flared, showing his interest. "What is it, Kaneki-kun?" 

"You can take a bite." He met his gaze, hiding his nervousness behind a serious stare. "But just one." He was hit with a clever idea and willed his kagune to slip out, "I'll have one of these pointed at your heart, so if you, um.." 

"If I get carried away, yes." Tsukiyama finished, his voice bubbling lowly with excitement, eyes already turned to a sinister black and crimson. "May I ask why?" 

Kanekis' throat felt hot and tight, but he forced out his answer, "You saved someone very important to me. I want to say thank you." 

Tsukiyama  slid closer to Kaneki, his eyes shining with hunger. "Are you positive about this?" 

Kaneki had to stop himself from sucking his teeth. This overly honest and polite Tsukiyama was weird. "One bite." 

Tsukiyama nodded and gently grasped Kanekis' kagune, leading it to his heart,  his smile seeming animalistic. "Understood." Tsukiyama let his hands run lightly over Kanekis' forearm before grasping it firmly. 

Kaneki wanted to look away, but knew he shouldn't, he had to be ready to act at any moment if Tsukiyama were to try to pull anything. He was suddenly hit with how small and frail his arm looked in Tsukiyamas' large, slender hands. He knew that if the man wanted to, he could break it with little effort.

 Tsukiyama brought his face down to his skin, and Kaneki tensed up, preparing for the bite, but instead he felt the fine hairs on his arm flutter as Tsukiyama inhaled his scent deeply. 

Kaneki felt the familiar tight heat behind his eye and knew his kakugan had activated. He broke out in a cold sweat and his heart was beating too loudly, surely Tsukiyama could hear it as well as he brought his mouth to his arm, his warm breath ghosting over Kanekis' skin. He could see that his arm was covered in goosebumps. 

The grip on his arm squeezed lightly, as if signalling him that the time had come. Teeth smoothly slid over his flesh and Kaneki braced himself just as an enormous pain blasted through him. A choked noise escaped him and he pulled at Tsukiyamas' hair before he could think. Tsukiyama didn't seem to mind, his voice leaving him in a low satisfied growl as he let his teeth sink deeper into him. 

Kaneki felt a scream rising in his throat. With difficulty he unlocked his fingers from the soft hair at the base of Tsukiyamas' skull and clamped it tightly over his mouth. He briefly heard a grating noise from his arm and with a sickening lurch of his stomach he realized the sound was teeth on bone. His vision flickered and he feared he might faint. 

He breathed quickly and heavily from his nose, trying to grasp onto something, anything, to keep him conscious. He felt a hand running over his inner thigh, but it seemed to be happening distantly, as if in a dream. The hand rested on the front of his pants and began rubbing there slowly and firmly, but the pain was so thick in his mind he hardly registered any touch. 

Soon, dim sparks of pleasure appeared in the hazy fog of his thoughts. It wasn't much, but it was something to hold onto. Every time a trickle of pleasure cut through the pain, Kaneki grabbed desperately at it, savoring every sensation to distract his dizzy mind. 

The pain washed over him in another blazing wave as Tsukiyama pulled away, taking a chunk of his arm with him. He could faintly hear muscle and meat wetly snapping as they were torn. He began bucking his hips into the touch at his groin, his vision seemed to fade around the edges and he realized dimly that he wasn't breathing. He greedily sucked in air through his nose and let it out as muffled groan from between his fingers. 

The hand moved rougher over the front of his pants and Kaneki felt he might throw up at the drastically contrasted sensations. His brain seemed to be short circuiting, cutting hastily between the angry red pain and the short blasts of pleasure again and again. 

He could feel wet slickness on the tip of his kagune and realized it had pierced Tsukiyamas chest, with effort he withdrew it the few centimeters it had sunk in and Tsukiyama let out a low moan that made his head feel fuzzy. 

Tsukiyama must have swallowed the meat he had taken because his open mouth was on his arm again, his tongue running sloppily over the raw exposed meat. 

The wound had begun to tingle deeply, meaning he had already begun repairing himself. Tsukiyamas' chin and lips were red, and his glistening tongue continued dipping into the rapidly closing wound, as if he were a hummingbird sampling nectar from a flower. 

The fog slowly dissipated from Kanekis' head, leaving him only with the thick bolts of pleasure running through him. The place where the blemish on his arm had been was now a raw pink. Tsukiyamas' tongue still traced over it, as if he could still taste the blood that was just below the surface. 

Kanekis' pained breathing slowly melted into something sweeter as the hand continued to work him. 

Tsukiyama raised his head and suddenly their faces were close to each other, the smell of his own blood being breathed hotly over him. Tsukiyama pulled his hand free from his mouth and slid his tongue between Kanekis' open lips. The taste of sweet blood filled his mouth and he groaned lewdly, letting his tongue roll wetly around Tsukiyamas' mouth, wanting more of that deep taste. The tingling in his arm was slowly receding and the pain he had felt already seemed distant. 

He felt his mind snap back to the present, as if he had woken up after a bad dream. What was he doing? 

Before he knew what was happening, the warm hand on his erection was ripped away, along with the soft lips that had only moments before been on his. 

He blinked rapidly and saw that Tsukiyama had been flung to the floor several feet from him, panting heavily. Kanekis' kagune whipped around himself defensively and he felt his heightened pleasure slowly seep away, replaced by burning guilt. 

"I'm sorry." He said quickly, surprised that he was just as out of breath as Tsukiyama. "I didn't mean to.... are you hurt?" 

Tsukiyama stood, and Kaneki noticed with a blush that Tsukiyamas' length was trapped painfully tight between his thigh and his slacks. Seeing it made Kaneki aware of his own aching erection. 

"Do not worry," Tsukiyama ran a hand through his disheveled hair, "You were supposed to stop me if I got carried away, and you did just that." 

Kaneki looked down at his hands, suddenly self conscious. His erection was uncomfortable and he moved his hips a little, disgusted at the wet stickiness he could feel in his underwear. "You can um, leave now, if you want to." 

Tsukiyama straightened his shirt before sitting down on the far end of the sofa. "I already told you Kaneki-kun, I will leave when you tell me to." 

Kaneki nodded, relieved that Tsukiyama was still sticking to his word. 

Now that the adrenaline had left him, weariness crept into his limbs. He slumped into the couch and sighed. 

"Are you upset with me?" Tsukiyama asked. 

Kaneki was thrown off by the sudden question. "No. Well, a little. You um, shouldn't have..." Kaneki couldn't think of a way of phrasing the things that he wanted to say without making himself embarrassed. 

Tsukiyama understood though. "I was simply trying to alleviate some of your pain." 

Kaneki sighed again, "Just because you had good intentions doesn't make it okay. You need to, you know,  _ask_  to touch someone that way." 

Tsukiyama gave him a sly smile. "So if I asked nicely, would you let me touch you like that again, Kaneki-kun?" 

Kaneki felt himself flush and he couldn't get words to form. 

Tsukiyama let out a small laugh and waved away his question. "Your innocence is very charming." 

Kaneki wanted to give him an annoyed look but didn't feel like putting in the effort. 

"You should rest now, Kaneki-kun." 

As if on queue, Kanekis' mouth stretched in a yawn. He covered his mouth and waited for it to finish. "Ok. But just for an hour. And if Hide wakes up, get me  _immediately_." 

Tsukiyama got up from the couch and Kaneki stretched his legs out, his eyes already closing. 

"Bonne nuit, Kaneki-kun." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the next week or two, I won't be able to update the story on ao3, but I'm going to queue up the next chapters on tumblr, so you can read them there until I return! They will be posted on Tuesdays on tsukidaisy.tumblr.com.


	5. Hide Wakes Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide wakes up and explains the events that led him to Kaneki's apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was able to hop on here sooner than I thought, much to my delight. Especially because this chapter explains a few things that I've been asked about on tumblr. Thank you for all of the great comments so far, I love reading them so much and they help me motivate myself when I'm feeling lazy! Enjoy~

When Tsukiyama shook him awake, the curtains were drawn so he couldn't tell if it was day or not. He sat up groggily as Tsukiyama placed a cup of coffee in his hands. He hummed gratefully and sipped at it as he slowly woke up. 

"What time is it?" 

"Two in the afternoon." 

Kaneki started. "How long did I sleep? I said one hour!" 

Tsukiyama wasn't modest enough to show sheepishness. "About five hours, I believe." 

Kaneki stared daggers at him and Tsukiyama raised an eyebrow in response, replying lightly, "You needed the sleep." 

Kaneki sipped his coffee, annoyed but also slightly touched. He decided to change the subject. "How's Hide?" 

Evidently he  _was_  modest enough to show sheepishness. 

Kaneki stood abruptly, "He's awake?" 

Tsukiyama didn't respond but his face told him the answer. 

Kaneki groaned aggravatedly, making his way to his bedroom. Tsukiyama followed close behind. "I asked you two simple things, and you didn't do  _either_ of them!" 

He opened his bedroom door and there was Hide, propped up with pillows, his bright eyes turning in their direction. 

"You needed the sleep, Kaneki-kun! Nagachika-kun agreed with me! Right?" Tsukiyama looked for validation of his actions in an uncharacteristic fluster. 

Hide grinned. "He's right, ya know. You're still a growing boy after all." 

Kaneki hardly noticed himself crossing the room. Hot relief welled up inside him. "Are you okay? Does it hurt?" He sat down gently on the side of the bed, trying not to disturb Hide. His right eye had indeed turned a deep purple, and it was slightly swollen, making the eye half-cast.  

"Nah, I'm good enough to get out of bed but your friend here insisted I stay put." 

Kaneki shot Tsukiyama a grateful look before putting on a stern expression, "He's right. You shouldn't be moving around yet." 

Hide scrunched his nose in annoyance but didn't argue. 

Though Hide might say he's feeling fine, and might even seem like he is, Kaneki knew that his friend didn't like people fretting over him and would feign good health. 

Hide seemed to notice Kanekis' critical stare and huffed before giving a lopsided smile. "You're worried about me, but you're looking pretty rough yourself, you know." 

Kaneki could venture to guess that Hides' comment held some weight. He pulled his fingers through his hair, trying to straighten the dark mess as he looked down and saw that his rumpled clothes were covered in dried blood. His face must have been comical, because Hide let out a short burst of laughter, but stopped abruptly, his hand shooting to his side. 

"Hide!" Kaneki's hands reflexively reached for him but Hide batted them away before giving him a strained smile. 

"It's just ah, a bit sore." 

Kaneki grimaced but trapped his hands tightly in his lap. 

Hide took a few deep breaths and removed his hand from the bandage with a pained expression that was quickly hid behind a bright smile. "So I'm guessing that I probably won't make it to class today." 

Kaneki gave a small smile, knowing that Hide was trying to simultaneously lighten the mood and change the subject. 

Tsukiyama stepped forward, and Kaneki noticed that his clothes also had dried brown stains, and the left side of his shirt was torn at the breast. He realized after a few seconds what it was from and tore his gaze away quickly, trying to keep those particular memories from surfacing.  

"Nagachika-kun, do you remember anything from the attack?" 

Hide sighed, his smile faltering before dropping altogether. "Yeah, I remember." 

Kaneki and Tsukiyama waited patiently as Hide ran his hand over his face, collecting his thoughts. 

He exhaled and shrugged, "As far as I can tell, they attacked me because I sympathized with the Bitters." 

Kaneki furrowed his brow, "The what?" 

"You know, the ghouls who've turned. People call 'em Bitters, because they evidently can't stomach sweets." Hide waved his hand dismissively, "It's a dumb name, but it's just what stuck. But anyway, I'd went into that little shop on the corner of 4th street, you know the one right? They've got all those little assorted sandwiches. Well I was there to get lunch, but there was a sign hanging outside that said they wouldn't serve Bitters. So I bitched out the owner a bit about it," Hides' expression was sour as he recalled the confrontation. 

"I've known Suzaku-san for years, and I would've never guessed he was such an ass. He told me he didn't need any Bitter sympathizers shopping there, that I'd give him a bad name." Hide looked up at the ceiling, "And the customers in the shop seemed to agree. They dragged me outside and one of them gave me this." 

Hide looked at them and touched his swollen eye lightly. 

Kaneki felt numb. He hadn't been aware about peoples' reactions to the transformed ghouls. He knew that it wouldn't be an easy transition for them, but to such an extent... 

Tsukiyama looked thoughtful. "I suppose that makes sense, those two ghouls must have heard the argument. There has been unrest in the ghoul community as well, many consider the ones who switch over to be traitors." Tsukiyama crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. "It seems they will attack humans or ghouls associated with the so-called 'Bitters'. I am sure that news of last nights' events has already spread, so they will probably see me as a target as well. A ghoul such as myself helping a human will not be seen favorably. And as the human I saved, you will have to be more careful, Nagachika-kun."

Hide huffed. "I know, I know. I was just aggravated, you know? How could a person be so damned-" 

Hide stopped himself, seeming surprised by his own anger. Kaneki understood his feelings perfectly. 

Hide closed his eyes for a few seconds. When he opened them, he continued. "So yeah, the two ghouls jumped me, I got the knick on my side, and then purple superman here swooped in and saved me.

Tsukiyama looked scandalized at the nickname and Kaneki coughed into his hand, hiding a smile. 

"So you guys already know each other?" Hide laughed and shook his head. "What are the chances of that?" 

"Indeed." Tsukiyama said pleasantly. 

"And I guess you already know then, Kaneki? About him being a..." 

Kaneki nodded, "Um, yeah. We hang out a bit, and I found out about him when I was being attacked by a ghoul." 

Tsukiyama looked at him, barely masking his curiosity at Kanekis' lie. 

"So you really are some sort of super hero, huh?" Hide commented before perking up. "Oh yeah! Can I see that thing?" He made a twirling finger motion by his other arm. 

They both looked at him blankly. 

Hide did the motion more vigorously as if it would get his point across. "You know, the swirly thing you had around your arm!" 

"Oh," Tsukiyama chuckled, "You wish to see my kagune." He glanced at Kaneki, "May I?" 

He nodded his consent, a little pleased that he had bothered to ask, but something was nagging at him, though he couldn't put his finger on it. 

Tsukiyama looked like an excited child. He walked to the center of the room with a light swing to his hips. He stopped in place, his back straight and his head raised proudly. 

He closed his eyes, the smile melting from his face, and Kaneki was reminded of an actor collecting themselves before the curtain went up. 

Tsukiyamas' eyes opened slowly, locking onto Hide with a look Kaneki could only describe as sensual, revealing his activated kakugan. Kaneki could hear Hide suck in a breath. 

Tsukiyama snapped his arm out in a grand gesture, and the purple kagune began slowly wrapping around his arm, the deep red of the underside peeking out as it twisted. Hide clapped enthusiastically. 

"Wow! That's so cool!" 

Tsukiyama smiled proudly. "Thank you, monsieur." 

"Can I touch it?" 

Tsukiyama looked shocked before his face lit up. "Oui, of course." 

"No." 

Hide and Tsukiyama snapped their heads in his direction, seeming to have forgotten he was there. 

A few awkward seconds passed before Hide cleared his throat. "So what did you call that thing? A kaga-something?" 

"A kagune." Tsukiyama replied with a smile as the purple spiral began to recede. 

They both took Kanekis' outburst in stride, respecting it but not drawing attention to it. 

Kaneki wasn't sure why he'd said it, the word had left him before he could even think about it. 

Hides' hands went to the bandage around his stomach. "Oh man, I hope it wasn't too hard on you, dealing with this." 

Tsukiyama inclined his head. "Do not worry yourself, I owed dear Kaneki-kun a favor so it was the least I could do. Though I must admit, your smell is quite..." Tsukiyamas' lips curled into a smile, "...nice." 

His gaze flicked over to Kaneki. "There is no need to look so vicious, Kaneki-kun." 

Kaneki felt the familiar heat behind his eye and clenched them shut. 

"Kaneki..." 

Hides' worried voice seeped over him and he could feel his tension subside slightly. 

The fevered heat retreated gradually. Kaneki breathed a few times and opened his eyes tentatively. Hide smiled warmly at him, and Kaneki let a small smile of his own touch his lips, but the worry that had been nagging at him stopped it from growing. 

"Hide...do you remember anything else, you know, from the attack?" 

Hide thought for a second. "Um, I sorta remember telling Tsukiyama-san to take me to your place-" 

"To be more precise, Nagachika-kun just kept repeating your name." 

"Well you got what I meant so the details don't matter." Hide ran his hand through his hair as color rose to his cheeks. "But uh, I think that's it, honestly." 

So he didn't remember. Kaneki knew he should feel relieved that his secret was still safe, but instead he felt... he wasn't sure. Disappointment? That might be it. 

He stood from the bed. "Um, I'd like for you to stay here for a few days. Tsukiyama-san is gonna be staying here too, so you'll be safe." 

"I have a weird feeling I'm not actually being asked." 

Kaneki rolled his eyes. "It's a request, as your friend. Please?" 

Hide gave him a lopsided grin, "How can I refuse when you're begging so nicely?" 

Kaneki sighed. "Okay then, I'm gonna make a quick run. I need to get some food and I'll stop by your house and pick up some clothes, your laptop...anything else?" 

Hide thought for a moment and shook his head, "Nah, that's all I'll need. Oh wait! My toothbrush. Other than that, I'm good." 

"Sure thing. Try to sleep a bit while I'm out, okay?" 

Hide looked them over. "You guys might wanna clean up a bit before you go though. It looks like you crawled out of a grave." 

"Tsukiyama-san is staying here with you." 

Tsukiyama and Hide spoke at the same time, 

"I most certainly am not!" 

"No he isn't!" 

They both stared stubbornly at Kaneki. Tsukiyama stepped toward him. 

"You should not be out alone right now, Kaneki-kun. Your friend will be safe here, it is  _you_  who will be at risk." 

Kaneki looked at him flatly. "Let's talk in the living room." 

"Ohhh, Tsukiyama-sans' in trouuuble!" Hide sang. His taunting was stopped short when he realized what was going on. "Wait! Whaddaya gotta say that I can't hear? Oi, Kaneki!" 

Hide shouted the words as Kaneki ushered Tsukiyama from the room and shut the door. Kaneki heard Hide give an aggravated groan from the bedroom. 

"I like your friend." Tsukiyama commented, heading down the short hall to the living room. Kaneki followed behind. 

"Tsukiyama-san, I need you to stay here with him." 

Tsukiyama reached the living room and turned toward him, his face unreadable. 

Kaneki continued. "I can defend myself if I have to, but Hide, he's just a human. An  _injured_  human." 

Tsukiyama remained expressionless. Kaneki felt hot desperation tightening his throat. 

" _Please_. Please stay with him. I just-" Kaneki didn't know what to say to convince him, and his words grew rushed with his aggravation, "I just need Hide to be okay no matter what and you can help me with that, can't you? I don't want him to be hurt any more, I can't take it so please,  _please_ , Tsukiyama-san." 

Kaneki saw the corners of Tsukiyamas' mouth twitch a few times before his white teeth flashed in a wide grin. 

"I have every intention of staying here, dear Kaneki-kun. I never planned to leave." 

Kaneki blinked a few times, dumbfounded. "But you said-" 

Tsukiyama waved dismissively, "An act, it was nothing but an act." Tsukiyama nodded towards the bedroom. "I assume he does not know that you are what you are. It would have been odd if I had just agreed to stay behind, don't you think?" 

"Um, yeah..." Kaneki was taken aback by how quickly Tsukiyama had thought the situation through. "You're right. Thanks." 

Kanekis' heart was still beating fast. He let out a shaky breath before giving Tsukiyama an annoyed look. "You could have said so sooner, you know. Instead of letting me rant like an idiot." 

Tsukiyamas' smile grew wider. "You are right, of course. But," Tsukiyama leaned forward, bringing his face close to his, "I wanted to see if your begging was as nice as Nagachika-kun claimed." 

A chill ran up Kanekis' spine as his face flushed hot. He took a small step back. 

"I, um," His hands fluttered around helplessly, not sure what to do. He jabbed his finger weakly at his bedroom. "I'll, um, get us some clothes so we can clean up." 

Tsukiyamas' eyes flickered with amusement. "Of course."

Kaneki turned quickly and retreated to his room. 

He shut the door as soon as he was in the room and let out a pent up breath. He leaned his forehead against the door, relishing the feel the cool wood. 

"Done gossiping?" 

Kaneki jumped and let out a small yelp, turning fast enough to make himself lose balance. "S-sorry! I just-" 

"Keep your eyes in your head," Hide laughed, "What's got you so worked up? You're red as hell, man." 

Kaneki brought his hands to his cheeks, feeling their heat. "It's um, nothing really, I just..." 

"Nah, it's okay. I get it." 

Hide gingerly scooted down on the bed. Kaneki rushed to him, helping him get in a laying position. 

"What do you mean you get it? Careful, slowly..." 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going slow."  

Kaneki flicked his forehead lightly. "Don't 'yeah, yeah' me like that, you need to be careful." 

Hide sighed as his body relaxed into the bed. He looked up at Kaneki, his usual good humor set aside. 

"You and him," Hide seemed hesitant with his words, something Kaneki couldn't recall ever hearing from him. "You two are, well, a thing, right? That's why you didn't tell me about him." 

Kaneki was speechless. Hide rushed on. 

"I don't know if it's because he's a ghoul and you were scared I might find out or because he's a guy and you thought I might be weirded out- which I'm not, I'm totally not, I always kind of thought you might have been-" 

"No, no no no you've got it all wrong!" Kaneki squeaked. "We're just friends, that's it!" 

Hide gave him an incredulous look, before smiling at him. "Okay, okay. But tell me the truth then," He raised one of his eyebrows playfully, "You like him, right?" 

Kaneki sucked his teeth and went to his dresser. "Did you hit your head too, Hide? We're just friends." He pulled out the loosest t-shirt he had, along with a pair of pajama shorts that were a little too long for him. Thinking of Tsukiyama wearing such casual clothes seemed weird, but he couldn't deny that he wanted to see them on him. 

He held the shirt up. It was light grey and had a cartoon moose on it with the words 'How Amoosing' under it. He couldn't remember where he had gotten it, or even why. Tsukiyama was sure to question his fashion choice when he saw it, but it was the only shirt that might fit him. He would just have to suck it up and wear it. 

He pulled some clothes out for himself and shut the drawer. "I'm pretty sure he's single, if that's why you're asking." Kaneki teased. 

"Shut it you ass. I was just wondering what was up with you two. And are you making him wear that out? That's a whole new level of cruel, Kaneki." 

Kaneki shook his head, "We decided I'll go by myself." 

Hide tried to sit up and protest but the sudden movement made him hiss through his teeth. Kaneki rushed to him and gently pushed him down. 

"What was I just saying, Hide? You need to take it slow!" 

"You aren't going alone!" 

"Calm down, please, it's fine." Kaneki sighed. "I'll have my phone with me, I'll call or text if anything weird happens, okay? I'll only be 20 minutes, max." 

Hide huffed. "I don't like it." 

"Stop pouting. I'll be fine." Kaneki gave him a coy smile. "Besides, you can't make your move on Tsukiyama-san while I'm here, can you?" 

Hide rolled his eyes. "Get the hell out of here you ass." 

Kaneki laughed and went to the door. “I'm gonna hop in the shower real quick and be on my way. Don't move around too much, okay?" 

"You should conserve water and take a shower with purple superman." 

Hide winked at him and Kaneki flipped him the bird in response. 

Hide was still laughing when Kaneki shut the door. 


	6. Trackers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukiyama and Kaneki learn the truth about the Bitters

The trip to Hides' house and the store was uneventful, though Kaneki did notice signs that seemed to have appeared overnight.

"NO BITTERS." "HUMANS ONLY." "BITTER-FREE BUSINESS AND PROUD." Another popular sign was a baby blue rectangle with a red slash through it. He guessed it had something to do with the others.

He chose a shop that didn't have any signs outside, and noticed that he was the only customer.

He was relieved when he finally approached his apartment building. He had went a little over the 20 minutes he had promised he'd take, but finding a shop had been difficult. .

Tsukiyama opened the door as he searched for his key. He must have been waiting by the door for him. When Kaneki looked up, he found himself speechless. Tsukiyamas' hair was damp, darker than usual and hanging loosely. The shirt, though the biggest Kaneki owned still clung to him, his pale lower stomach visible above the waistband of the pants, which hugged his thick thighs tightly and were too short, exposing a few inches of his hairless calves. He should look ridiculous, comical, laughable, but the only word coming to Kanekis' mind was 'damn'.

Tsukiyama raised an eyebrow. "Damn?"

Oh shit. Did he say it out loud?

Kaneki pushed past him, not missing the clean scent of shampoo, _his_ shampoo, that clung to Tsukiyama. 

He kind of just wanted to curl up and not exist. He was such an idiot.

He heard Tsukiyama shut the door and lock it as he opened the fridge and put the groceries away.

"Nagachika-kun fell asleep a few minutes ago." Tsukiyama was leaning against the kitchen doorway comfortably. Kaneki noticed the moose on his shirt was distorted by the broad width of his chest. Just how wide were his shoulders anyway?

"I'll wake him up in a bit then, he needs to eat something. And you, when's the last time you slept? I know you didn't last night."

"Please do not worry about me, Kaneki-kun."

"I _am_ gonna worry, I asked you to stay didn't I?" Kaneki started opening the cabinet to get the coffee, but he saw a fresh pot had already been brewed. He grabbed a cup and poured himself a helping.

"Would you be so kind as to pour me some as well?"

Kaneki blew on his drink. "No coffee. Bed."

"Who knew you were so strict, Kaneki-kun." Tsukiyama teased.

"I'm strict when I need to be." He took a small sip, relishing the bitter hotness.

Tsukiyama raised an eyebrow. "As you wish... _sir_."

Kaneki choked on his coffee and began coughing, dribbling the drink down his shirt. Why did everything the man say have to sound like more than it was?

Tsukiyama watched with amusement plain on his face.

When Kaneki stopped hacking he gestured vaguely past him. "I, um, don't have a guest futon. I hope the couch is okay."

Tsukiyama smiled. "Merci. Then I guess this is goodnight, Kaneki-kun." His voice was a low pur that seemed to vibrate in Kanekis' bones.

When Tsukiyama left, Kaneki set his cup down and closed his eyes. God, he was partially hard.

The past 24 hours had been so hectic, with so much information and emotional ups and downs.

He leaned against the counter and listened to the hum of the fridge, this time grateful for the noise. He let the low humming wash over him, erasing his thoughts, his worries, everything.

His knees buckled as his head fell forward.

He locked his knees quickly and shook his head vigorously. He had to stay awake.

He quickly gulped down the rest of his coffee and poured another cup.

Tsukiyama needed at least 5 hours of sleep, but he'd like to give him more time than just the bare minimum. His phone said it was 3:37 pm. He needed to stay awake at least until 9, then after that he would just wait until he felt he was about to pass out and then wake Tsukiyama up. Sounded like a plan.

But what to do?

He looked down and saw that his partial hard on was still present. Maybe he could indulge himself, just a little. It might help him stop reacting so drastically to Tsukiyama.

He let his thumb rub the tip through his pants and he felt himself engorge more at the small stimulation.

The rational part of his brain told him not to, he would be even more sleepy afterwards, but on the other hand, it would certainly help relieve the stress of the past day. Mainly, he just wanted to feel good.

Without another thought he put his cup on the counter and made his way to the bathroom.

He locked the door behind him and tested the doorknob to make sure it was securely fastened. He felt scandalous doing such a thing with two guests in his house, but at this point his cock was demanding attention.

He leaned against the door, undoing his pants quickly and pulling out his half erect cock.

He stroked it dryly a few times, sighing at the contact. The part of his brain that had protested his decision earlier was now completely silent, the only thing left was the slow twisting warmth in Kanekis' lower stomach and the lazy waves of pleasure rolling over him.

He looked around in the small space and found the lotion, pumping a few squirts into his palm before returning it to his dick. The cold lubricant quickly warmed up as he spread it up and down his length.

He knew he could finish himself with a few tight quick strokes but he wanted to prolong his orgasm as long as possible. He took his hand off himself and shoved his shirt up, catching the hem between his teeth. He let his hands slide over his stomach, up his chest, then over his hard nipples, breathing in sharply at the contact. He pinched them lightly and rolled them between his fingers slowly as his cock twitched in time with his heart.

He let his mind wander as he played with them, thinking of different fantasies he had often nurtured at times like this. They played in his head vaguely but didn't seem to pique his interest.

His mind suddenly went to the incident with Hide, when he was cleaning him. What if he had continued rubbing Hides' cock? What if those big brown eyes had opened and fixed on him with hazy curiosity and lust?

It seemed that the sensible part of his brain had awakened again, because it was buzzing noisily in the back of his mind, telling him to stop thinking such things, but his cock was twitching more keenly now, and a fat bead of precome was glistening from his slit.

What if Hide had moaned? What would that familiar voice sound like when it was thick with lust? The Hide in his head was now smiling mischievously at him, his eyes half lidded and darkly shining as he hungrily stared at Kaneki.

He had to fight a moan as his fingers pinched his nipples roughly and pulled them slightly.

This was bad, it was weird, it was an awkward taboo on their friendship and Kaneki knew it, but he couldn't stop the image in his mind from twisting and evolving as he lost himself to the pleasure.

_It feels so good Kaneki._

_Just like that, yes._

_Don't be scared, it's my first time too._

A small moan escaped Kaneki and his eyes snapped open as his movements stopped.

His heart was beating wildly as he listened intently for any noises.

He let out a shaky breath and let the shirt fall from his mouth. He needed to be more quiet, or Tsukiyama might hear him.

What if he did, though?

What if Tsukiyama knocked on the bathroom door and he let him in?

Kanekis' hand went to his cock and he stroked it slowly and tightly.

He leaned his head against the door as he thought of what Tsukiyamas' cock would look like if it were hard in his pajama pants.

Kaneki was breathing shallowly through his parted lips, imagining Tsukiyamas' look as he caught him touching himself.

_How perverted you look, Kaneki-kun. Does it feel that good? Look, you've made a mess on the floor._

And he had, small splatters of precome glistened on the tile between his feet.

_How bad of you, Kaneki-kun, doing such things to yourself with guests in the next room. You need to be punished, don't you?_

Kaneki nodded his head slightly as he bit his bottom lip.

He imagined Tsukiyama tugging the waistband of the tight pajamas down, freeing his thick cock.

_Look at how I've become from watching you, Kaneki-kun. You must take responsibility._

Kaneki nodded again and imagined getting on his knees in front of Tsukiyama and grabbing his feverishly hot cock.

_Would you like to suck it?_

Kanekis' free hand went to his lips and he took two fingers into his mouth, sucking them lightly and letting his tongue swirl wetly around them. He rocked his hips in time with his strokes. He took his fingers deeper into his mouth, wishing he knew what Tsukiyamas' cock tasted like.

_Do you want to come, Kaneki-kun?_

He nodded, sucking more vigorously at the fingers in his mouth as they brushed the back of his throat.

_Then you must beg me nicely._

His hand gripped his cock painfully tight as he stroked himself quickly. He took his fingers from his mouth with a wet noise.

"Please." He moaned lowly. "Please, ah, please-" his tempo was sporadic as his stomach tightened. He bit down on his lip and moaned as quietly as he could as cum shot from him in long hot spurts.

He slumped against the door and blinked away the haze that clouded his vision.

Guilt and shame flooded him immediately as the pleasure from his orgasm ebbed away. He cleaned up his mess with heavy limbs and tried to not think of what he had just done.

When the bathroom was clean, he leaned against the wall and and shut his eyes tightly.

"Fuck."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kanekis' heart was racing. Someone had just knocked on the door, three crisp raps of the knuckle.

Should he wake Tsukiyama up?

He decided against it, inching toward the door while pulling his shirt up partially so his kagune could slide out uninterrupted.

He held his breath as he placed a hand on the cool door and brought his eye to the peephole but before he could see who it was, the knocks resounded again, causing Kaneki to nearly jump from his skin. He steeled himself and looked out of the small hole.

The person standing there was petite, his purple hair parted neatly to the side. Was he perhaps one of Tsukiyama-sans' relatives?

He looked extremely agitated and as Kaneki watched him, he knocked yet again, his impatience plain across his delicate features.

Kaneki was wary of opening the door to a stranger, but would someone intent on harming him be knocking, after all?

The young man didn't seem to be prepared for any sort of fighting, so with a shaky breath Kaneki undid the lock and opened the door a few inches.

Before any words could leave his mouth, the young man was speaking, his voice clear and delicate, each word pronounced concisely, though an accent of some sort hung to his speech.

"I must speak with Shuu-sama immediately."

So he had been right, someone connected with Tsukiyama-san.

"S-sama?" He muttered.

The young man cocked his head to the side lightly. "Yes, I know you have stowed him away here."

"Stowed away? You make it sound like I've kidnapped him or something."

"I do not know your intentions, but he requested me to bring some things for him, and I will not have someone such as yourself hinder me from following an order."

Kaneki was completely taken aback by the curtness from this complete stranger and found himself unable to do anything as the young man pushed past him into his apartment. He noticed for the first time that he carried a rather sizable suitcase.

"Shuu-sama? I've arrived, it's seven o clock precisely, just as you asked." The stranger was looking around with a mild look of disgust on his face, as if Kanekis' apartment were dirty.

Kaneki followed close behind him, getting more and more aggravated as the young man strutted around. "J-just who are you?"

"I do not need to answer to you, only Shuu-sama."

They entered the living room just as Tsukiyama was sitting up from the couch, his eyes dazed and his purple hair wavy and sticking out in different directions. He blinked lazily a few times before he saw Kaneki standing there. His eyes widened and his hands flew to his hair, pushing it flat against his head.

"Please do not look, Kaneki-kun!"

"Shuu-sama, I have brought everything you requested."

"My straightener, please hand me my straightener! Kaneki-kun, please wait in the kitchen until I make myself presentable-"

"Who is this guy? He won't tell me and he just barged in here."

"Shuu-sama has asked you to go to the kitchen while he makes himself presenta-"

Kaneki cut him off. "Yes, I heard him, I don't need you to tell me too."

The young mans' eyebrow twitched in irritation before he turned towards Tsukiyama, "Shuu-sama, you do not have to force yourself to stay in such a place, especially with a child as rude as this."

Kaneki barked a small laugh and jabbed a finger at him while glaring at Tsukiyama. "Who the hell is this guy?"

Tsukiyama was still holding his hair down, and the too-small shirt had ridden up, exposing his navel. Kaneki, even in such a situation couldn't help think that this sleep-messy and embarrassed Tsukiyama was a little cute.

"P-please, Kaneki-kun, I will explain everything, just, just five minutes, please."

Good lord, were those tears in Tsukiyamas' eyes?

Kaneki huffed his irritation but left the room, noticing the young mans' gloating look as he left. What the fuck was that guys' problem?

Kaneki grit his teeth and crossed his arms, listening to the low murmur of their voices from the other room. His anger was already subsiding, but irritation still buzzed lowly under his skin.

He took a few deep breaths as he waited, and agreed silently with himself that he wouldn't lose his cool with the young man again. He seemed like the type of person who enjoyed getting a rise out of people, and Kaneki didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

When seven minutes had passed, Kaneki went back into the living room. Tsukiyama had changed into a simple yet tasteful v-neck shirt and a pair of striped pants, sitting on the couch as the young man went over the back of his hair with the heated straightener as Tsukiyama combed through the straightened front.

When he saw Kaneki enter, he put up a hand, "Thank you, Kanae."

The young man, Kanae, inclined his head and went to unplug the cord. Tsukiyama patted his hair delicately a few times before turning his full attention to him.

"I am very sorry about all of this, Kaneki-kun. Kanae works for my family, and I had asked him to bring me a few things earlier."

Kaneki nodded, "Um, that's fine, I don't really mind. It just caught me off guard when someone knocked and everything."

Kaneki sat on the couch tiredly, motioning for Kanae to do the same, but he just turned his nose up and looked away. Tsukiyama noticed the exchange and smiled.

"Kanae is the most loyal servant the Tsukiyama family has. He may seem to be cold, but really he is just worried about me."

Kaneki raised an eyebrow and looked to Kanae, who had a light blush dusting his cheeks. Tsukiyama chuckled at his reaction. "I've known dear Kanae since he was quite young, so he is always fussing over me."

Kanaes' voice was like a whip, "I wouldn't have to be if you didn't get involved with such riff-raff!"

Tsukiyama didn't seem upset at his remark, instead his gaze softened. "You are upset with me."

Tears suddenly began pouring from Kanae much to Kanekis' shock, as if a faucet had been turned on. He tried to speak but only small broken noises came out. Tsukiyama waited patiently for Kanae to speak.

"You d-didn't come h-home and your phone was off and I th-thought you might be _hurt_." Kanae managed in a wet whisper.

Tsukiyama stood and embraced Kanae in a tight hug. "I am sorry for worrying you. It must have been very hard on you."

Kanaes' small fingers twisted into Tsukiyamas' shirt as he wept openly into his chest.

Kaneki felt as if he were seeing something he shouldn't so he turned away, listening as Tsukiyama quietly comforted Kanae.

Something about the exchange made Kanekis' heart feel heavy. He had not really considered the fact that Tsukiyama had a life outside of the times they had met. But it was evident that he had people who loved him dearly, and that Tsukiyama was actually a kind person. He found himself suddenly questioning everything he knew about Tsukiyama. Kaneki realized that he really knew nothing about him.

Tsukiyama pulled away from Kanae, who still had tears running down his cheeks but seemed more composed.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled sullenly.

"There is no need to be. Your loyalty is very touching."

That was the first time Kaneki saw Kanae smile, and it made him look like a little boy with how brightly and innocently it shined. The smile was gone too soon though, replaced with stern worry.

"Shuu-sama, please come home."

Tsukiyama shook his head and Kanaes' face twisted with anguish before continuing with his pleas.

"Tokyo is very dangerous right now. You should not be out alone-"

"But I am not alone."

At Tsukiyamas' words, Kanae shot Kaneki a dirty look. A light grimace pulled at the corners of Tsukiyamas' mouth but was quickly erased with a pleasant smile.

"Please, Kanae, will you fill me in on the happenings in the ghoul community?"

Kanae inclined his head, straightening himself as he began, "A so-called 'Civil War' has broken out. The ghouls who think that changing sides is for the best against the purists."

"And what side has Mirumo-san decided to take?"

Kanae looked shocked at the question, "The purists, of course."

"Um, I'm sorry," Kaneki cut in, "Who is Mirumo-san?"

Kanae looked disdainfully at Kaneki before continuing, "And I have to agree with Mirumo-sama. The changed ones have already proven to be traitors."

Kanaes' eyes suddenly grew wide as a deadly silence fell over them. Kaneki wasn't one to believe in things like auras, but he couldn't deny the sudden pressure change that seemed to suck the air from the room. He looked over at Tsukiyama and saw that his face was cooly composed, but something about the look made Kanekis' blood run cold.

"Kanae, please think before you say such offensive things."

Kanaes' mouth was flapping silently as he tried to speak. When he did finally manage, his voice was small. "They found trackers in them, though."

The weird feeling was still seeping from Tsukiyama, but it seemed less deadly now. "Trackers?"

Kanae nodded vigorously, seeming to gain some of his courage back. "They all have a blue tattoo given to them, to mark them. Some of the ghouls that had caught a few of the changed ones, and every single one had a tracker under the skin of the tattoo-"

"Thank you."

Kanae snapped his mouth closed obediently and inclined his head.

The thick atmosphere had dissipated and Kaneki breathed in deeply before letting it out in a shaky exhale. He was completely lost as to what was going on, and Tsukiyamas' weird reactions were just adding to the confusion. He glanced at the man and saw that his brow was furrowed, deep in thought.

His face smoothed over and he looked up, looking as if he had come to a conclusion. "Kanae, could you please make arrangements for a visit to the house in Sakai."

Relief was evident on Kanaes' features. "Of course, Shuu-sama. When would you like to leave?"

"Soon. Would the day after tomorrow be possible?"

Kanae gave him a small smile. "Anything is within my capabilities for you, Shuu-sama."

Tsukiyama clapped his hands together. "Good, then that's settled. Please begin preparations immediately."

~~~

Tsukiyama sat down on the opposite side of the couch after saying goodbye to Kanae at the door.

A heavy silence fell between them, one that Kaneki didn't plan to break. He knew that Tsukiyama had figured something out, and he knew that he was going to tell him. So Kaneki sat patiently, letting Tsukiyama collect his thoughts.

"Kaneki-kun."

Kaneki perked up at his name, turning his attention towards Tsukiyama. "Yes?"

"You consider yourself a reasonable man, no?"

"Um, yeah, I'd like to think I am..."

Tsukiyama sighed. "The trackers, what do you think of them?"

Ever since Kanae had mentioned them, the thought hadn't left Kanekis' mind. Something seemed off about it, but Kanae seemed so sure of himself. So if it was the truth, then...

"I don't think it was a lie. It could be, but it just doesn't feel like it is."

Tsukiyama nodded for him to continue.

"Um, well if it is true, then.... then maybe the CCG are using them to keep tabs on the Bitters? Because the spy thing... I just don't know. I mean, it _could_ be possible, but..."

Tsukiyama smiled at him. "You are just as clever as I thought, Kaneki-kun. The whole thing is off, and you can sense that, too."

Kaneki found himself blushing at the light praise.

Tsukiyama put his arms on the back of the couch and leaned his head back. "I believe that they are spies. But they are unaware of it."

Kaneki could feel his heart picking up it's pace as the words that Tsukiyama said began connecting the pieces of information together.

"So you're saying..."

"Just think, Kaneki-kun. How many ghouls do you think went in for that surgery?"

"Hundreds, at least."

"And you agree with me, that the CCG put those things in the Bitters without their permission nor their knowledge, yes?"

"Yeah."

"So then tell me, where will most of the Bitters go, after their surgery?"

"Um... home?"

"That is more or less correct. They will go to the place where they have friends and loved ones, to show off the miraculous surgery."

Kaneki thought back to Irimis' return, how they had gathered around her and had been so happy.

Kaneki felt as if his heart had stopped. The moisture had been sucked from his mouth and he had a hard time forming words.

"The trackers," His voice sounded distant to himself, as if he were speaking underwater, "They're to weed out other ghouls."

"That is my belief, yes."

All of those people, hoping to live a better life, who were willing to take the word of their sworn enemies at a shot of happiness, had turned into moles, doomed to betray the ones they loved the most.

Kaneki stood up on shaky legs. "I have to warn them."

Kaneki felt a warm hand close around his own.

"Kaneki-kun, it is late. The CCG are not our only enemies right now, and this is the time when they are out. Besides, if we are correct with our assumptions, the CCG will not be acting so soon."

Kaneki sat down again, but he was still quivering. Tsukiyama squeezed his hand reasuringly before letting go.

"You should call them, and tell them to meet you tomorrow."

Kaneki nodded. That made sense.

"You're right." Kaneki conceded.

He pulled out his phone and called Touka. The phone rang and rang, finally going to voicemail. Kaneki didn't bother leaving a message. His heart was heavy as he pressed redial and the same thing happened.

"I can't get through."

"Do you have the managers' number?"

Kaneki did. He called and felt relief when it was picked up on the second ring. "Yoshimura-san?"

"Yes, I'm glad you called Kaneki-"

"Is Touka-chan with you? Have you heard from her?"

"She and Hinami went in for the surgery yesterday afternoon."

Hot dread twisted in his stomach. "I- uh, have something important I need to talk about. Could you have everyone come in tomorrow morning?"

"Of course." Kaneki could hear concern in his voice, but Yoshimura did not ask for any details.

He hung up after saying goodbye and let out a shaky breath. "Both Touka-chan...and Hinami-chan..."

Tsukiyama looked shocked, "They both are dead?"

Kaneki shook his head and Tsukiyama relaxed. "They went in for the transition."

Kaneki wanted to nod but it felt like every muscle in his body had locked up. Hot tears poured down his cheeks.

"No, Kaneki-kun, don't cry..." Tsukiyama moved closer to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders comfortingly. "Don't you understand, Kaneki-kun? You are going to tell everyone what is happening tomorrow. As soon as your friends return, we can remove the trackers and get them to a safe place."

Tsukiyama was right, of course, but his tears wouldn't stop coming. Maybe it was all the stress finally catching up to him, maybe it was how everything had changed so quickly, maybe it was a million things, but right now Kaneki didn't want to think about all of that.

Tsukiyama wrapped his other arm around him and hugged him tightly, and Kaneki let himself burrow into his chest.

"I'm s-sorry" Kaneki choked out. "I'm just t-tired."

Tsukiyama stroked Kanekis' hair and didn't reply.

God, he smelled good.

Kaneki let himself relax in the warm embrace. Kaneki raised his head so his breath was against Tsukiyamas' neck.

"Tsukiyama..."

Kaneki saw Tsukiyamas' neck work as he swallowed.

What pretty skin, flawless and smooth. Like porcelein, or maybe cream would be a better comparison, because didn't it look like it would be so rich and sweet on the tongue?

He brushed his lips over his skin, just barely, it could hardly even be called a kiss.

His tongue peeked out and tasted him, only the smallest carress, but Tsukiyama reacted strongly to it, his arms loosening around him for a split second before tightening as he moaned lewdly.

Kaneki was instantly hard at the noise and began placing wet open mouth kisses on his neck with fervor. He felt delirious with his sudden lust and wanted nothing more than to touch him, and to be touched by him.

Kanekis' hand began wandering down his chest, heading for his belt, but Tsukiyama suddenly released him from the embrace and grabbed his hand. Kaneki paid little mind to it and continued trailing kisses along his jaw and throat, taking the opportunity to crawl into Tsukiyamas' lap, straddling him so his erection was pressed warmly against his lower stomach. He writhed his hips against him, gasping at the friction.

"K-kaneki-kun," Tsukiyama breathed, "Stop, please, just-"

His words were cut off with a low moan as Kaneki let his ass grind against Tsukiyamas' length.

"No more."

Tsukiyamas' voice still sounded thick with lust, but he grabbed Kanekis' shoulders and made him sit up, pulling his mouth from his neck with a wet pop.

Kaneki blinked a few times, dazed.

Tsukiyamas' black eyes stared at him hungrily, but his mouth was pulled into a grimace as his chest heaved. "Do not do this, Kaneki-kun."

Kaneki felt hot shame flood him as he climbed out of his lap and sat down. Tears were burning in his eyes again, but for a completely different reason. He didn't know what had come over him.

Tsukiyama noticed his despair and spoke to him in a soothing voice. "It's not because I do not want to, Kaneki. It is because _you_ do not want to. Not really."

Kaneki wanted to protest, but it was taking his full attention not to cry like a dejected child.

Tsukiyamas' voice went lower so that he was speaking in a whisper. "You are tired and frustrated. You want something to take you away from all of that, even if just temporarily."

Kanekis' hands were trembling, so he clenched them tightly into fists.

"Kaneki-kun... I want to do-" Tsukiyama heaved a sigh, "A lot of things with you, _to_ you... but only if and when you truly want to. Besides, I know there is someone you would much rather do things like that with."

Kaneki looked at him, confused.

Tsukiyama gave him a gentle smile. "Ah, you hardly realize it yourself, just how in love you are. I wonder if he has realized it yet."

"Who are you..." Kaneki said, his voice raspy.

Tsukiyama rubbed the side of his neck, where Kaneki had began kissing him.

"Nagachika-kun. He loves you madly, you know. And I can tell, you love him also."

Tsukiyamas' words hit him like a truck and he found himself unable to say anything. He wondered what he would say if he could. Would he deny it? Would he agree?

Tsukiyama slapped his hands on his thighs. "Speaking of Nagachika-kun, did you wake him already? He needs to eat if he wants to heal quickly."

Kaneki shook his head numbly.

Tsukiyama stood. "Then I shall go and do that. You can rest now, I will wake you in a bit."

Kaneki had wanted to be the one to wake Hide up, but he felt tired, so tired. He just wanted to sleep.

And that's just what he did.


	7. Unwanted Thoughts and Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth about the trackers is revealed, and Tsukiyama has something important to ask Hide and Kaneki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely comments! I wanted to answer some of the questions here, so everyone can get a heads up.  
> Yes, this story is leading to a polyamory relationship with Shuu, Ken, and Hide (I'm sure to some delight, and probably some dismay to others).  
> Also, About the balance of interaction between the three of them: Because Hide and Kaneki already share a strong bond, I'm mainly focusing on both of them building up a relationship with Tsukiyama. (Eventually, there will be some straight-up TsukiHide, so to the shippers of that, get ready)  
> But even though I am working on their relationships with Shuu, there will still be HideKane. Just keep on the look out for chapters 9 and 10, you'll see what I mean...

Hide was laughing. It roused Kaneki from his dreams and he smiled sleepily at the warm sound before he even opened his eyes. Hide always laughed so freely, something that Kaneki appreciated.

_He loves you madly, you know._

Kaneki sat up, his smile fading. He didn't want to think of any of that.

He pushed himself off of the couch clumsily, his limbs still waking up. Hide laughed again, and this time he heard someone else laughing. Was that really Tsukiyama laughing so hard? He had to pee, but his curiosity got the better of him.

He went to his bedroom door and knocked before opening it. Hide and Tsukiyama were both in bed, their backs against the window and Hides' laptop propped up on a pillow in front of them. He heard English coming from the speakers before it was drowned out with more laughing from the two. It was a warm sight, seeing both of them so relaxed, seeing them smile. Come to think of it, he didn't think he'd ever seen Tsukiyama fullout laugh. Hide was the first one to notice him in the doorway.

"Oi, Kaneki!"

Tsukiyama wiped at his eyes and leaned forward to pause whatever they were watching. "I am sorry, were we being too loud, Kaneki-kun?"

Kaneki shook his head and smiled. "What are you two watching?"

Tsukiyama looked embarrassed. "An old American movie called 'Airplane!', have you seen it?"

"Eh, Kaneki isn't really into American movies." Hide replied.

"It's not that I don't like them, my English just isn't that good." Kaneki said defensively.

"So what you're telling me..." Hide began, his eyebrow raising, "Is that they just _fly_ right over your head?"

"Nagachika-kun, how tasteless." But Tsukiyama was giggling as he said it.

Kaneki huffed exaggeratedly, "Tsukiyama-san, you'll learn that Hide doesn't have any taste when it comes to jokes."

Hide grabbed his heart. "Ouch, Kaneki, you really wound me."

Tsukiyama crossed his arms. "Do you have much room to talk, Kaneki-kun, on what is and is not _amoosing_?"

Kaneki didn't have a retort for that. Hide covered his mouth as he 'ohhhh' ed at the insult and Kaneki wished he had a pillow to chuck at him. Instead Kaneki motioned toward the hallway.

"Well, I'll leave you to it, then."

"Wait!" Hide pouted, "You don't have to go, we can finish it another time."

Kaneki shook his head and smiled. "I have to stop by Anteiku in a bit, so I need to get ready. Have you already eaten?"

"Yep! Tsukiyama-kun cooked me up some gruel earlier."

Tsukiyama frowned. "Now it is my turn to be wounded, Nagachika-kun."

Hide slapped Tsukiyamas' thigh good naturedly, "I'm only teasing, it was delicious!"

Kaneki waved goodbye and closed the door. They were getting along so well, it really set him at ease. He checked his phone. It was still pretty early, he had plenty of time to shower and get dressed.

More laughter came from his room. Kaneki smiled as he listened. Things might be going to shit outside, but right at that moment Kaneki was happy.

~~~~~

As Kaneki told them the conclusions him and Tsukiyama had reached, Irimi was tugging at the scarf around her neck, her eyes wide.

When he finished, Yoshimura looked grave. "I have heard about ghouls finding trackers in the changed ones, so I do not doubt what you've said."

Kaneki felt himself relax. He had been worried that they might dismiss his theory.

Koma turned to Irimi. "Can we see it? The mark?"

Irimi didn't answer but began unwinding her scarf, revealing a small blue rectangle on the side of her neck. Kaneki must've overlooked it when she had come back from her surgery.

After everyone had had a chance to see it Irimi clasped her hand over the tattoo. "But if what you're saying is true..." Her eyes were shining as she looked at each of them, "...then Anteiku isn't safe. Because of me."

Nishiki sucked his teeth, leaning back in his chair. "Don't start with the self-pity. Touka and Hinami went in for it too. And I was gonna go when they came back. Anteiku would've been marked whether you went or not."

Koma leaned forward, looking desperate. "We don't know that _all_ the Bitters have them though, right? Irimi might be clean."

"We have to cut it out." Yomo had been standing against the door, listening silently, so everyone was shocked when he spoke up.

Irimi nodded, her face set. "Please. I need to know."

Yoshimura stood up from the couch. "That would be for the best. Yomo-kun, would you please sanitize a knife?"

Yomo left the room without another word. Yoshimura faced Irimi. "We have no anesthesia, but the cut will be small."

Irimi shook her head and offered a small smile. "It wouldn't matter either way, honestly. If I have something like that in me...well it just has to come out."

Yoshimura nodded. "You are brave, Irimi." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "No matter what happens, you are not at fault. I want you to understand that."

Irimi nodded hesitantly.

Yoshimura removed his hand and looked over them all. "If we find a tracker, we will have to remove them from Hinami and Touka when they return."

Nishiki leaned forward. "But if you take them out, won't the Doves know about it?"

"That is more likely than not. But before we begin thinking like that, we need to see if the rumor is true."

As if on queue, Yomo entered the room, holding a knife and a pair of tweezers carefully on a white towel.

Yoshimura nodded towards him. "Did you scrub your hands?"

"Yes."

Irimi used the band around her wrist to tie her hair back as she stood and squared her shoulders. Kaneki noticed that her hands were trembling.

"Let's just do this quick."

Yomo approached her. "Do you want to lay down?"

She shook her head and leaned her head to the side, exposing the tattoo. "Don't mess up."

"You know I won't."

Koma grabbed her hand and she squeezed it appreciatively.

Yomo placed the thin blade gently against her skin.

"Ready?"

She set her jaw as he sliced quickly and precisely. Blood welled up and trickled down the curve of her neck. Yomo set the knife down and with steady hands used the tweezers to dig into the cut. Irimi gripped Komas' hand tighter but made no noise.

Kaneki was holding his breath, hoping to god that she would be clean, that the rumor was false, that Anteiku would be safe-

Yomo pulled the tweezers out, the thin metal tongs gripping something.

"Fuck." Nishiki whispered.

The thing was no bigger than two centimeters on both sides and paper thin. Yomo pressed the towel against her neck and Irimi brought her free hand up to it to hold it in place. She didn't ask if he had found anything, the expressions of everyone in the room told her the answer.

The room was silent as Yoshimura took the tweezers carefully and Yomo procured a bandage.

~~~~~

They had been sitting around the table silently for minutes, the cleaned chip resting in the center of them. Even seeing the evidence, it still seemed hard to believe.

Nishiki was the one to break the silence.

"So... what now?"

Yoshimura sighed. "Anteiku is no longer safe. We will have to leave. He looked to Yomo. "I would like you to take Touka and Hinami when they return. After we take the trackers out, of course."

Yomo nodded.

Yoshimura turned to Nishiki and Kaneki. "You two aren't under my care, so I cannot decide where you go, but you are more than welcome to join Yomo and the other two."

Nishiki leaned back on the couch. "I'm gonna take Kimi and getting outta here, so I'm good."

Everyone turned their attention to Kaneki. "Um..." He didn't like being on the spot. He tugged at his sleeve nervously. "I'm not really sure, to be honest...What about Irimi-san and Koma-san?"

Irimi spoke up. "We'll stay here until Yoshimura-san leaves. I'm sure he has a few things he needs to wrap up."

Yoshimura smiled at her and Koma. "I do... Thank you."

Koma returned the smile, "No problem."

Kaneki couldn't help but feel there was something more to their exchange, especially with how sad Komas' eyes looked.

Kaneki dismissed himself soon after, leaving the room with a small bow. When he was outside the shop, he texted Hide to let him know he was on his way. It felt like Hide was the only thing keeping him going right now. His mind flashed back to the things Tsukiyama had said about Hide the previous night.

Kaneki scowled as he slipped his phone back into his pocket and began walking home.

He had bigger things to be worrying about. Like where he was going to go, and trying to convince Hide to leave too. He definitely didn't want him staying in Tokyo right now. Tsukiyama had talked to Kanae yesterday about leaving to Sakai, so _he_ would be safe, which was at least one thing Kaneki didn't have to worry about.

It would be weird, leaving. But what choice did he have? Kaneki pulled his jacket closer to him and stuffed his hands into his pockets. God, he hoped Hide would go with him. Kaneki had a hard time with new people and new places, but having Hide with him might make the transition easier. Besides, it probably wouldn't be permanent. It was like a little vacation away from the city. If he thought of it that way, it might be fun, just the two of them in a new place together-

_Ah, you hardly realize it yourself, just how in love you are._

Kaneki stopped dead in his tracks, much to the annoyance of the couple behind him.

He bowed and apologized quickly, embarrassment flooding him. He hurriedly picked his pace back up.

Why? Why were Tsukiyamas' words harassing him so much?

Kaneki groaned inwardly and tried to think of nothing as his apartment building came into view.

~~~

He unlocked the door and stepped inside. He could hear the faint hiss of the shower. Tsukiyama must be getting cleaned up.

Kaneki slid his shoes off and started towards his room. This was probably a good time to try to convince Hide. Just get it out of the way, instead of letting it build up and become harder to talk about.

Kaneki took a steadying breath and opened his door.

His sheets were crumpled at the foot of the bed. Besides the pillows, they were the only thing on the bed.

"Hide?"

He wasn't in the room. Kaneki didn't see him when he came in. His heart was thundering as he ran to the bathroom.

"Tsukiyama! Tsukiyama, open up!" He beat his fist against the door.

He heard the water shut off and the smack of bare feet on the floor before the door swung open. "What is it? Are you ok?" Tsukiyama looked alarmed.

"Hide, where's Hide? He gone!"

"Um,"

A voice echoed from within the bathroom. Kaneki looked past Tsukiyama and saw Hide perched on the side of the tub, his feet in the shallow water. He was naked except for a hand towel on his groin.

He gave a little salute, "Hey, I'm right here, so stop freaking out."

Kanekis' knees felt weak with relief. He gripped the door frame and let out a pent-up breath. "You scared the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry, Kaneki-kun, we did not mean to scare you-"

Hide ruffled his damp hair. "I was getting pretty smelly so I asked Tsukiyama-san to help me bathe."

Ah, why hadn't Kaneki noticed Tsukiyama was clothed? If he had thought rationally for even a second, he wouldn't have made such an ass of himself. Kaneki put up a hand.

"Don't apologize, I just lost it for a second. Sorry."

Tsukiyama smiled at him knowingly and the words echoed in his mind again.

Kaneki flushed when he realized that Hide was, well...

Naked.

And his skin was wet and glistening. And his hair was hanging damply, clinging to his face and the back of his neck...

Kaneki suddenly found it hard to breathe. It must be from the steamy air from the hot water.

Kaneki Shut the door abruptly.

As soon as he did it, he realized how rude it must have seemed.

He dragged his body to the couch and flopped down. God, how did those two put up with him? He was such an ass.

He closed his eyes and sighed into the empty room.

But now that he was winding down, he began thinking of the two of them in there. Had they been fooling around?

_No, Tsukiyama-san wouldn't do that. He knows I like-_

His eyes snapped open. What was he just about to think?

If Hide liked Tsukiyama, it really wouldn't be so bad. They seemed to get along really well. Tsukiyama might have done bad things in the past, but... well, he seemed different now.

Yes, Tsukiyama had tried to eat him. But that's what ghouls do. You don't get mad at a lion for killing to survive. It's just how things were. Granted, he did go overboard. But Tsukiyama was an overboard person, after all.

Could he trust him with Hide?

For some reason, he felt he could.

He heard the bathroom door open and Hide walked slowly into the room, his chest bare except for a fresh white bandage around his stomach. Tsukiyama walked patiently behind him, his hand posed to support him if he needed it.

Kaneki stood up. "Are you ok to walk? Here, I'll help you to the bedroom."

Hide scrunched up his nose. "Are you kidding me? I'm going crazy staying in one place."

He made his way to the couch and sat down gingerly next to Kaneki, and Tsukiyama sat down next to him so that Kaneki was in the middle.

Hide sighed. "Ahh, I feel so much better now."

"His wound has sealed up nicely, as long as he does not do any excessive bending to open it, he should be completely better in a week or two."

Kaneki felt reassured at Tsukiyamas' words.

"Kaneki..."

Hide turned his head to look at him, his expression serious. Kaneki felt himself break into a cold sweat. Was he going to confess that him and Tsukiyama were together? No, probably not. Was he going to scold him?

Kaneki swallowed as he thought of a bunch of scenarios and waited nervously for Hide to continue.

"Have you ever been in a cockpit before?"

Kaneki looked at him, confused. "Um...no?"

"Kaneki-kun," Tsukiyama spoke up.

Kaneki turned his head to him. Tsukiyama had the same serious face.

"Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

"What?"

Kaneki didn't understand where the question had come from but before he could stammer out a reply, Hide spoke up again.

"Kaneki, do you ever hang out at gymnasiums?"

"Kaneki-kun, do you like movies about gladiators?"

Hide was fighting back a smile now. "Kaneki, do you...wait, I can't remember the next one."

"Turkish prison."

"Oh yeah!" Hide cleared his throat, trying and failing to set his face into a serious expression, "Kaneki, have you ever been to a Turkish prison?"

Kaneki rolled his eyes. "Is this from that stupid movie you were watching?"

Tsukiyama looked mock-offended. "It is not stupid, Kaneki-kun! I would even argue that it is the pinnacle of American humor!"

Hide burst out laughing. "Oh man, you're confused face is adorable!"

Kaneki groaned and hid his face in his hands, embarrassed. "Don't say weird things like that, idiot!"

Hide nudged his side and giggled. "Aww, are you blushinnng?"

"He does little else." Tsukiyama teased.

Kaneki groaned again. "Are you two ganging up on me now?"

Hide laughed and poked his side again. Kaneki let out a surprised yip and batted his hand away.

"Kaneki-kun, Nagachika-kun."

They both stopped laughing and turned to Tsukiyama.

"I wanted to wait until you had your meeting at Anteiku to have this conversation with you two."

The friendly atmosphere had abruptly changed into a serious one. Kaneki began tugging at his shirt sleeve nervously. He didn't have any reason to be nervous, but something about how stiff Tsukiyama looked, how his words were coming out just a little too nonchalantly, it made his stomach knot in cold worry.

Tsukiyama avoided their eyes, opting to stare at the opposite wall.

"With everything that has been going on, I think it would be best to leave Tokyo." He straightened up his shoulders. "I have arranged to leave to Sakai tomorrow morning."

This much Kaneki knew, from Kanaes' visit yesterday.

So that was what this was about. Tsukiyama was leaving.

Even though he had known since yesterday, he had been pushing the thought to the side, refusing to let it breathe in his mind.

Why was it he felt so sad?

Kaneki bit his bottom lip and waited for him to finish.

Tsukiyama breathed in deeply and rushed his next words out with his exhale.

"And I would be very happy if you both came too."

The words made Kanekis' brain stutter.

Them?

Go with him?

"I'm game if Kaneki is." Hide answered easily.

Kaneki looked between the two of them. Tsukiyama didn't know that he had saved Kanekis' skin yet again.

He sighed, letting his lips turn up in a smile. "What time are we leaving?"

Tsukiyamas' whole body seemed to deflate as his muscles relaxed.

He smiled back, "8 o'clock."

Kaneki pulled out his phone and checked the time. It was a little past noon. "I guess we need to pack then, right?"

Hide poked his side to get his attention and gave him a sad-eyed look "We don't have to right now, right? I thought we could all watch a movie or something."

Kaneki huffed out a sigh. It really wasn't fair to make such a face, how could he say no?

"Alright."

Hide pumped his fist in the air.

"No Rocky."

Hide pouted his lip before heaving his shoulders in an exaggerated sigh. "Fiiiine. But I _do_ get to pick."

~~~

 

The movie he chose ended up being a cheesy slasher flick. The acting was terrible, and the script was the same watered down cliche that seemed to never die, just like the knife wielding maniac they usually featured.

Hide fell asleep only minutes into the film, his head resting on the arm of the couch and his legs in Kanekis' lap. Tsukiyama, on the other hand, was wide awake, his hands holding tight to Kanekis' shirt, squeaking and ducking his head into his shoulder every time something even remotely scary happened. Kaneki was trying his hardest not to laugh at him. Thinking that a high-ranked ghoul was actually scared of things like this...

It was actually pretty endearing.

"Is he dead?" He asked, peeking from Kanekis' shoulder at the screen just as the mans' head was torn from his shoulders. He ducked back down and pressed into Kaneki as the man let out one last scream.

Kaneki cleared his throat, holding back a laugh at the copious amounts of fake blood and the mannequin head that was being waggled about.

"He's pretty dead, yeah."

The movie was terrible, but for some reason, Kaneki didn't want it to end.


	8. A New Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go to the beach, and Kaneki reaches a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so many great comments! I even had someone message me on tumblr and tell me they had watched Airplane! after the last chapter and lemme tell you that pretty much made my week. Thanks for the continued support of f&t, it means a whole lot! Enjoy~

"You feeling any better Kaneki?"

Kaneki nodded weakly. He hadn't been on a train in ages, and now he remembered why. He felt lucky he hadn't thrown up, though he definitely had to fight the urge to throughout the whole trip. But his stomach was settling now that they were on solid ground again.

Tsukiyama fished in his pocket for the key to the spacious cottage in front of them.

Hide clapped him on the back. "Well that's good because you know what we're gonna do?"

Kaneki looked past Hide at the thing he knew Hide was excited for.

"Swim?"

"Hell yeah!" Hide turned to the wide expanse of beach and breathed in the cool, salty air. "We haven't been to the ocean in what, 5 years? Maybe more."

"It is still very cold." Tsukiyama warned as he found the key and put it in the lock.

"Ah, but we're men!" Hide hit his fist against his chest. "And a little cold water shall not sway our spirits!"

Kaneki knew he couldn't convince Hide, his eyes were wide and excited, his energy nearly palpable in the air.

"But you can't get your side wet." Kaneki gave him a firm look.

Hide put his hands up defensively, laughing. "I won't, I won't!"

Tsukiyama opened the door and walked in, Kaneki and Hide following close behind.

"Woah, this place is nice."

Nice was an understatement. The colors were light and airy, lending to the sunny atmosphere of the beach that could be seen from wide, full length windows that adorned the walls. Everything- the couch, curtains, even the light switches looked expensive.

"It is not very much," Tsukiyama said lightly, "I found this place a few years ago and liked its quaint charm so I bought it."

Kaneki tried not to scoff. Quaint? His apartment could fit in this place at least 15 times, if not more. He couldn't imagine what Tsukiyamas' actual house was like.

"Jesus, this bathroom is insane!" Hide shouted from within the house. "Is this a jacuzzi?"

Kaneki was still standing in the living room, holding a dufflebag with his few belongings in front of him.

"You do not have to act so shy, Kaneki-kun," Tsukiyama smiled warmly at him, "This is your home, even if it is only temporarily."

Kaneki nodded and returned the smile before walking further into the room. The wood floors were shining immaculately. Kaneki bet he could see his reflection in them if he bent down and looked. He looked back at Tsukiyama questioningly, "Is Kanae-san here?"

Tsukiyama shook his head. "I thought it would be best for him not to accompany us. The fact that I am offering protection to a human would not be looked on favorably by him," Tsukiyamas' face darkened. "Or my father."

Kaneki had never thought of what Tsukiyamas' family was like, but he was starting to get a picture.

"Um, so which room...?" Kaneki asked timidly.

Tsukiyama shrugged. "There are four bedrooms, so choose whichever you like most."

Kaneki was kind of excited at the prospect.

The first room he poked his head in, Hide was laying on the wide bed, his bag to the side. He saw him come in and lazily raised his hand up.

"Dibs on this room. Man, this bed is incredible..."

"Everything here is incredible." Kaneki commented, walking in the room and plopping onto the bed.

Hide let out a sleepy groan. "Maybe I'll take a nap before we go swimming."

Kaneki smiled and leaned back against the sheets so they were both looking up at the ceiling.

"You know everything's gonna be okay, right?"

Kaneki turned his head as Hide spoke and saw that Hide had been watching him. It was weird, how his eyes were always full of bright humor but sometimes, like now, the glowing brown turned dark, the retreating light leaving behind keen, unflinching observation. Kaneki felt vulnerable under the stare.

"I know."

Hides' lips lifted in a gentle smile. "I worry about you. I just don't want you stressing, you know?"

Kaneki sat up so he wouldn't be under that strong stare. "You shouldn't worry about me." 

He stood up and made his way to the door. Trying to lighten the mood, Kaneki turned at the doorway. "Are we still going swimming?"

"You bet we are!"

Kaneki grinned at him. "See you in a bit, then."

With that he left Hide on the bed.

He went to the next door. The room was as spacious as the last one, with a huge bed against one wall, and empty shelves on the other. Sheer white curtains were pulled back, showcasing a gorgeous view of the sea. Kaneki put his bag down and sat on the bed.

Tsukiyama spoke up from the doorway "I thought you would like this one. Plenty of space to put books. And this chair," Tsukiyama walked into the corner and ran his hand along the back of an oversized armchair, "It is perfect for reading."

Truth be told, Kaneki had only picked this room because it was right next to Hides', but now that Tsukiyama mentioned it, the lighting and atmosphere were perfect for lazy afternoon reading.

Kaneki glanced at Tsukiyama. "This room... it's yours, isn't it?"

Tsukiyama lifted his lips in a light grin. "It is the room I stay in when I come here, yes. But it is not _my_ room. It is yours."

Kaneki felt bad for taking the room now, but Tsukiyamas' face told him there was no room for arguing.

"Thanks. For the room, and, you know, for everything."

Tsukiyama waved dismissively, "No need to thank me. I would like to think of this as a f..." Tsukiyama stopped and shook his head. "No. Just... consider this as me paying penance."

"What were you gonna say?" Kaneki asked, curiously.

Tsukiyama shook his head again. "It does not matter."

Kaneki stubbornly stared at him. "It matters to me."

Tsukiyama huffed, mild annoyance on his face as he made his way to the door, "I was going to say it was just a friend doing a favor for a friend."

He turned and left as soon as he forced the words out.

Kaneki laid back on the bed and looked at the high ceiling.

He knew why Tsukiyama didn't want to say that. He didn't know if Kaneki considered him a friend. He himself hadn't really considered it, but the answer was fairly obvious to him. With people like Tsukiyama though, it might not be something that was evident. How many friends did he have, anyway?

He closed his eyes and listened to the faint sound of the ocean.

It was weird, one little decision and he was in a new place, without a job and with school put on hold. It was kind of liberating.

Ah, Hide was right, these beds were ridiculously comfy.

"Kaaanekiii! Hopefully you have your swim trunks on!" Hide shouted from somewhere in the house.

Kanekis' eyes snapped open. He most have dozed of for a second.

He sat up sleepily and reached for his bag. Guess they were still swimming.

He changed quickly and went outside. Three beach recliners were lined up a comfortable distance from the shore. Tsukiyama was stretched out on one of them, clad in nothing but a red speedo and a pair of designer sunglasses. The first time Kaneki met him, he thought that the man might have been a model. Seeing him as he was now, it felt almost criminal that he wasn't.

Kaneki stood next to him and shielded his eyes from the sun, looking out to see that Hide was already up to his knees in the water. He raised his voice slightly so it would reach him,

"Don't get your bandage wet!"

Hide bent his knees, submerging himself a little deeper with a devilish grin plastered on his face, "Come and stop me then!"

Kaneki crossed his arms and sighed, "How cold is it?"

"It's so warm, you wouldn't believe!"

A small wave rushed over his waist and he hopped a few steps forward, shivering. He gave Kaneki a shaky thumbs up, "L-like bathwater!"

Tsukiyama gave a short laugh. "That boy is insane." He turned his head to Kaneki, looking him over.

He felt self conscious under his gaze, suddenly wishing he had more muscle. He must look like a prepubescent boy to Tsukiyama, who had such a wide chest, whose arms had such nice definition.

"Please tell me you did not actually buy those swim trunks."

Kaneki looked down at his blue swim trunks with happily swimming cartoon fish. "Shut up. It's better than that." He nodded towards Tsukiyamas' bathing suit.

Tsukiyama wiggled his hips playfully, and Kaneki noticed the impressive bulge he had.

"This is fashionable, thank you very much. I will pick you up one when I go into town so you do not have to embarass me with that eyesore of a bathing suit."

Kaneki scrunched up his nose, imagining himself wearing a speedo.

He looked around. The beach stretched out far before it ended in dense trees and underbrush on both sides. "Embarass you in front of who? This place seems pretty empty."

"This beach is privately owned, so we will be the only ones here."

Kaneki looked out over the sand with new appreciation. "Wow."

Tsukiyamas' lips curled into a smile, pleased with his amazement.

Hide came plodding towards them, shivering. "Okay, so maybe getting in the water was a bad idea."

~~~

Kaneki and Hide ended up building a sandcastle, which was really more of a mildly conical lump.

Tsukiyama read a book as they worked, but kept looking up from it to see their progress.

"That is quite an impressive mound of sand." He teased after awhile, pulling his sunglasses down to look at it critically.

Hide pointed a sand covered hand at him "Firstly, it's a sandcastle. Secondly, you have no right to shit talk if you aren't helping!"

Soon after, Tsukiyama joined them in the sand and helped them shape the tiers, but they kept crumbling.

They finally gave up when the sun began to set and bugs began buzzing lowly in the underbrush.

"Ugh, I'm starving." Hide groaned, rubbing the sand from his hands as they made their way to the cottage.

"There are only two showers, so you two can bathe while I cook." Tsukiyama suggested.

Ah. Kaneki hadn't thought about this situation. He could dodge the fact that he didn't eat normal food when him and Hide were hanging out, a few excuses or even a few forced bites could cover it easily, but now that they would be together at all times...

His good mood suddenly collapsed as unease sat heavily in his stomach.

Tsukiyama discreetly squeezed his shoulder.

When Hide shut the door to the restroom, Tsukiyama began rummaging in the fridge, which Kaneki could see was fully stocked. He pulled out a few things before turning to Kaneki.

"You still feel a little sick from the train ride, yes? That is why you had some toast for dinner."

Kaneki bowed his head. "Thank you," He straightened up, worry bubbling in him, "I don't know what to do.. it's gonna be hard not letting Hide know I can't eat that stuff. And what about when you and I _do_ get hungry?"

Tsukiyama opened the freezer and pulled out a vacuum-sealed pack of bloody meat. It looked like it could be pork, but Kaneki knew exactly what it was.

"I have a nice stock of this, and I can arrange for more when we need it. Though I would prefer to eat fresh meat..."

Tsukiyama put the meat back and shut the freezer before leaning against the counter. "As for the other problem, You can continue avoiding the situation, you might even be able to fool him throughout our stay... or you can just tell him."

That was completely out of the question. His face must have shown his thought because Tsukiyama groaned.

"He is your best friend, is he not? He will not despise you. As the saying goes," Tsukiyama smiled and spoke his next words in English, "Love is blindness."

Kaneki was pretty sure that Tsukiyama was actually thinking of that old U2 song but didn't bring it up.

"You can't assume it'll be okay, just because you're trying to play matchmaker."

Tsukiyama was unfazed by his bitter words. "I am simply stating what I know to be true. And need I remind you how he reacted when he found out about me? He looked absolutely exhilarated."

That...was true.

Kaneki ran his hand through his hair and sighed. Was there really any other option?

"I'll tell him."

Tsukiyama clapped his hands together. "Good! No that we have that settled, go ahead and take your shower."

Kaneki nodded and went to leave, but before he did , Tsukiyama called out.

"Kaneki-kun,"

Kaneki looked over his shoulder.

"You are doing the right thing. He deserves to know."

Kaneki sighed and nodded. "I know."

Tsukiyama gave him a pleasant smile. "I hope you enjoyed your toast."

 

~~~

Kaneki figured that he would be asleep almost instantly, considering how busy the day had been and how comfortable the bed was, but no matter how much he tossed and turned, he couldn't sleep. Maybe it was because it was a new place, or maybe it was because the bed was so big... or maybe it was because he couldn't stop thinking of what he needed to tell Hide.

It had been a few hours since everyone had went to bed, and in that time Kaneki had thought of seemingly infinite scenarios.

He debated tiredly whether he should maybe turn on a light and read to get his mind off of things, but before he could act on the thought, a timid knock came from the door. He heard it creak open before a familiar voice whispered from across the room.

"Kaneki, are you asleep?"

He sat up in the dark.

"Hide?"

"Who else? I can't sleep."

Kaneki sighed. "Same here."

"Um, I thought that might be the case so... I thought... I don't know, sleeping in a new place is weird, you know?"

Kaneki didn't reply.

Hides' hushed voice continued. "I thought maybe I could sleep in here with you?"

"Um, yeah, that's okay."

He heard the door click shut and soft footsteps coming closer to him before the bed shifted with a new weight.

Did he mean in the same bed? Kanekis' hand fluttered nervously to his eye. His eyepatch was on the bedside table. Should he put it on?

"I can um,"

"I swear to god if you say you'll sleep on the floor I'll punch you. This bed is huge, there's plenty of room."

Kaneki sighed and pulled the blankets back so Hide could get under. "You don't know that's what I was gonna say..."

"I do."

It was.

His heart tumbled into an erratic rhythm. They had slept in the same bed before, but for some reason this time it seemed... different. He blamed Tsukiyama for planting those weird ideas in his head.

He turned so that he was facing the dark window, away from Hide. But even though they were apart, he could still feel the heat of his body.

His heart was so loud in his ears he couldn't hear the sound of the distance waves.

Hide sighed, "Remember that dog we found when we were kids? He was all dirty and hungry, and my mom and your aunt wouldn't let us keep him."

Kaneki smiled in the dark. "Of course I do. We cleaned him up and you tried keeping him under your bed."

Hide laughed quietly. "Ah, my mom was so pissed."

Kaneki turned on his other side so that they were facing each other in the dark. "I wonder what happened to Spot."

"Was that really what we named him? I couldn't remember."

"Yeah, it was your brilliant idea."

Kaneki felt Hides' sigh against his face. It smelled like spearmint toothpaste.

"What made you think of him?"

"It thought it was a girl dog."

Kaneki shoved his shoulder lightly. "Does it matter?"

Hide laughed quietly and poked his side under the blanket, "It matters to Dot!"

"It was Spot!" Kaneki retorted, reaching to poke Hide's side but before he could his fingers brushed the bandage around his stomach.

Oh. He had forgotten.

He withdrew his hand and they were both quiet, their warm breath ghosting over one another.

Kaneki almost thought Hide had fallen asleep until he spoke, his voice hardly audible.

"I don't know why I thought of that dog, honestly. I wonder if she's still alive?"

Kaneki smiled at him, even though it couldn't be seen. "I'm sure Spot's old and grey, sleeping at the foot of someones' bed right now."

Kaneki had the feeling that Hide was smiling, too. "You're right."

Kaneki leaned his head forward and kissed Hide chastely on the mouth. It was dry and warm, lasting no more than three seconds. He hadn't even thought it through, it happened as if he had done it a thousand times before. Usually, Kaneki overthought things until he either talked himself out of it or messed it up, and afterwards he would always brew in worry and embarrassment and what-ifs.

But this time... he just felt warm.

"Kaneki..." Hide sighed his name out on a breath.

"Yeah?"

"...Thanks."


	9. A Sleepy Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and Kaneki share a lazy morning together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So someone sent me a message on tumblr asking if it would be okay to make fanart for the story. First off: HOLY SHIT HOW COOL IS THAT. Secondly, in case anyone else ever wonders, yes, you can absolutely do that, I have literally zero problems with it! I'll be tracking the tag 'feathers and thorns' on tumblr

It wasn't really waking up, it was more like a gradual feeling of awareness that lazily rolled over him, much like the lazy waves that he could hear faintly from outside.

Ah, he was so warm. He was facing the window, so the morning light was pleasantly warm on his face. He could feel steady breaths on the back of his neck.

His eyes snapped open.

Oh god.

He suddenly became aware of Hide, pressed flush against his back, his legs bent into the crook of his own. Hides' arm was around his chest, his hand loosely holding Kanekis' upper arm. If Tsukiyama walked in right now...

What did it matter? This was nice. Kaneki relaxed further into Hides' embrace and sighed. He wanted to enjoy this for as long as he could. He slowly brought his hand up to Hides' and traced a finger along his knuckles. He had always admired Hides' hands. They were bigger than his, with rough palms and fingertips. They were good, strong hands. Dependable. He ran his fingertip over the length of each finger slowly.

Hide sighed in his sleep. Kaneki felt something nudge him from behind.

No way. This wasn't happening right now.

Kanekis' hand froze, along with the breath in his throat. Hides' breathing was unchanged. Kaneki slowly moved his hips against him.

There it was again, but now Kaneki could clearly feel it.

This was wrong. Wrong wrong _wrong_. If he were a decent person, he would just scoot away a bit and pretend he hadn't felt anything, or just get up and start his day. But right now...

Well, Kaneki wasn't feeling very decent.

He felt tight heat behind his eye and knew his kakugan had activated. As long as he put on his eyepatch before Hide woke up, he'd be fine. He listened carefully to Hides' breathing, paying attention to any changes. He moved his hips some more. Ah, Hide was definitely hard, the warmth of it pressing tightly against his ass. Kaneki could feel his own cock filling in his pants. Kaneki had never tried fingering himself, and he definitely had never considered having someone... well, put _that_ in him, but right now the thought was kind of exciting. More than exciting, actually.

He moved around until Hides' hard dick was pressing into the crease of his ass. Just the feeling of it made the head of his cock dump precome into his boxers. He made a small noise in the back of his throat as he rubbed into it.

Hide inhaled sharply. Kaneki froze, his eyes wide. Shit. Shit, shit _shitshitshit_.

He slowed his breathing, trying to feign sleep.

"K...Kaneki?"

His name was whispered lowly onto the back of his neck. He continued the steady breathing, trying to keep his body relaxed.

"Fuck."

The word was hardly audible. Hide moved his hips away gingerly. He tried moving his arm away too, but Kaneki pretended to stir, giving a sleepy groan while moving his hips back against him. Hide sucked in a deep breath and stayed put, seeming to not want to wake him. It was kind of cute.

Hide was still, and Kaneki imagined he was listening to his breathing. It seemed impossibly hard maintaining a steady rhythm.

Hide sighed quietly. Kaneki was curious as to what he would do.

He felt something lightly brush the back of his neck. Were those his lips? Hide pressed a little more firmly and yes, they were, he was kissing him while he thought he was asleep. Kaneki had to fight back a shiver.

Hides' length pressed against him more firmly as he heard the rustle of sheets. The pressure pulled back slightly before pressing into him again.

Oh god, Hide was dry humping him. His cock twitched roughly and poured more precome. He couldn't remember ever being so hard.

Hides' lips were pressing light kisses over the back of his neck and now his hand moved from Kanekis' arm and ran down his chest, his stomach...

_Yes, please touch me, touch me, make me feel good, yes, yes, please-_

His hand stopped, a single finger just barely under the elastic of his waistband. Hide sighed as his hips stopped. He began pulling away but Kaneki grabbed his hand. He could feel Hides' muscles tighten and his breath catch in his throat.

A few tense seconds passed before Hide began stammering, "I-I'm so sorry, I woke up and just- not that there's an excuse for it! I shouldn't have-"

"Don't stop." Kanekis' voice hardly sounded like his own, low and breathy. "Please."

He led Hides' hand back to his waistband and he felt Hides' chest hitch.

"K-Kaneki..."

Kaneki moved his hips against Hide's length, making him moan hotly against his neck. Hides' hand dipped into his pants and boxers, his fingers forming a v around the base of his cock. Kaneki moaned and wiggled his hips more, wanting more contact.

"God, you're covered in precome..." Hide moved his hand so he was fisting his cock.

Hides' hips began grinding into him again as he stroked him and Kanekis' back arched as he gasped at the stimulation from the front and behind. Hides' lips were on his neck again, but now his tongue was on him too and the slick feel of it was just too much for him but he held on, he had to hold on, he wasn't ready for this to end-

Hide squeezed the head of his cock just as he nipped lightly at the back of his neck and it was over, he felt thick hot cum pool in his boxers as he let out a hoarse moan. His toes curled and his vision blurred and he felt like every muscle in his body was tightening and burning in the best way.

"Kaneki, fuck, ah, _Kaneki_." Hides' hips were rubbing into him hard and fast as he dragged Kanekis' name out with every breath.

Hide suddenly cringed and hissed through his teeth.

"Hide?"

"I'm ah, fine."

Kaneki moved to turn towards him but spotted his eyepatch on the bedside table. Hides' hand slipped from his pants as he leaned over and snatched it up, fastening it in place quickly. He turned to Hide as soon as it was on and saw that he was grimacing and holding his side. Kaneki pulled the blanket back and moved Hides' hands, seeing if any blood was on the bandage. It was still a pristine white, but Kaneki still felt terrible.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." His throat felt hot and tight as panic rolled over him.

Hide grabbed one of his fluttering hands and squeezed it reassuringly. "Why the hell are you apologizing? I got a little too overzealous, that's all."

No, it was Kanekis' fault. He shouldn't have initiated all of this, especially knowing Hide was hurt. He had been selfish, only thinking of himself.

He leaned down and kissed Hide softly. Hides' lips parted and their tongues slickly tumbled against each other.

His hands roamed over Hides' bare chest, relishing how warm it was, how alive it felt under his touch. He could feel warm wetness on his eyepatch and realized he was crying, his other eye dropping large tears on Hides' cheek as they kissed.

Hide cupped the side of his face and rubbed the wet path away with the pad of his thumb before pulling away from the kiss, looking up at him with his dark eyes. "Please don't cry."

Kaneki sat up and wiped his exposed eye. Shit, he was being greedy again, crying and getting Hides' concern when _he_ was the one who needed it.

He looked down and saw that Hide was still hard.

Kaneki knew what he was going to do.

Or at least, _try_ to do.

He nudged Hides' legs open and settled between them, pulling his cock free from his pants.

"Kaneki? What are you-"

A ragged moan escaped him as Kaneki took the head into his mouth without warning.

He had never done this or had it done to him, but he could guess what felt good.

Like right _here_. He pressed his tongue firmly under the head and moved it in small circular motions. Hides' back arched and Kaneki could feel warm fluid leak into his mouth. Oh god, it tasted delicious.

Kaneki pulled away and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Hide, you can't move like that, you'll tear your wound."

"Ah, Sorry, but _shit_ that felt good."

Kaneki beamed at the praise. He dipped back down and lapped at the tip, running his hand gently over his length as he did so. Hide exhaled a low moan and fisted the sheets roughly as he fought to stay still.

"K-Kaneki..."

He looked up through his lashes as his name was called. Hides' lips were parted as he panted out shallow breaths. His eyes were unfocused with hazy pleasure.

"I wanna, ah, make you feel good too."

Kaneki took his mouth from him, "You already made me feel good, Hide. Now it's your turn."

Kaneki began lightly sucking at the side of his cock.

"But it feels, _ah_ , wrong, to make you do, all the work." The last word was hitched as Kaneki took the head in his mouth again.

How very like Hide, only thinking of others, even at a time like this.

Kaneki opened his mouth and slid down his length, taking as much as he could. He moaned around Hides' cock as he felt more precome fill his mouth. Was it because he was a ghoul that it tasted so good?

He bobbed his head, sucking wetly, dragging a ragged gasp from Hide.

"Kaneki, Kaneki, _Kaneki_ -"

His hips were lifting from the bed but Kaneki forced them down with his hands, sucking harder as he moved faster. Hides' thighs were trembling and pressing against him tightly.

"I'm- ah, Kaneki I'm about to-"

Hides' hands tugged weakly at his shoulders, trying to get him away but Kaneki continued. Hide stiffened as he threw his head back and came hotly in Kanekis' mouth, his cock pulsing with every spurt of cum. Kaneki swallowed greedily. It tasted so good, so good-

He released Hide with a lewd wet pop, breathing heavily.

Shit. For a split second, he had been tempted to bite him.

A last bit of cum clung wetly to the head of Hides' deflating cock.

Hides' eyes were shut as he sucked in air shakily. Kaneki took the time to admire how his dark eyelashes looked against his skin, how his broad yet boyish chest moved, slowly gaining a steady rhythm, how his tassled hair looked on the pillow.

God, he looked so gorgeous.

It was starting to dawn on him what he had just done- what they had done.

What did this mean to their friendship? Were they more than that now, or was this just a temporary lapse of restraint?

Hides' eyes fluttered open slowly and locked onto him.

"Come here and let me kiss you."

Kaneki covered his mouth quickly, "But I just-"

"I don't give a shit. Kiss me."

With some hesitation, Kaneki moved up him and placed a soft kiss on his nose before bringing their lips together.

The kiss was slow and sweet, and Kaneki realized that Hide was smiling the whole time.

 

~~~~~

Kaneki and Hide exited the room together.

Kaneki could feel his face heating as he sheepishly made his way to the bathroom with a fresh change of clothes. Hide, on the other hand, seemed to be practically radiating joy. He made his way to the kitchen and Kaneki could hear him giving a hearty 'good morning' to Tsukiyama.

As Kaneki shut the door and started the shower, he thought of the smug face Tsukiyama was probably making right now. He was a smart man, he would probably figure out what happened in 5 seconds flat of seeing Hide.

That is, of course, if he didn't hear it when it was happening.

Kaneki groaned inwardly as he peeled his soiled underwear off.

Honestly, he had been so caught up in the moment that he hadn't thought of Tsukiyama overhearing. He _must_ have.

Kaneki stripped his shirt off and stepped under the hot stream of water, sighing as his muscles relaxed.

It was embarrassing as hell, but Kaneki didn't regret what he had done. He smiled at the tiled wall as he washed his hair.

Hide had always been there, next to him. Crushes came and went, something always didn't work out, but Hide was always a steady presence, the one person who never left, who never failed him, who he would never fail.

It seemed so dumbly obvious, how did he never realize?

~~~

Tsukiyama and Hide were sitting at the island in the kitchen, two cups of coffee in front of them as they talked.

"I understand, Nagachika-kun, but does it not bother you, even the slightest, that you will never know what was in the brief case?"

Hide took a sip before shaking his head and smiling, "Nah, that's exactly what makes it such a great movie. That big unanswered mystery, you know?"

Tsukiyama clicked his tongue as he swirled his cup, "I just find it a nuisance."

Kaneki walked around them and poured himself a cup, listening to their banter.

He sat down at the empty seat and rested his chin on his hand. Seeing Tsukiyama made him remember what he promised him last night and felt his good mood dull before souring alltogether.

Shit. He shouldn't have initiated anything. He should have told him when he came to his room last night. It was Kanekis' first full-fledged sexual experience, and it might even have been Hides' first time too. Would he be disgusted knowing he did things like that with a ghoul?

He had to tell him. And soon.

"Oi Kaneki, what's with the long face?" Hide gave him a bright smile and gestured to the window, "The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and we've got the whole day to just the three of us!"

Kaneki forced a smile, hoping it looked convincing, "Sorry, I was just lost in thought."

Hide drummed his fingers on the counter. "Speaking of which, what do you guys wanna do? We could go into town and look around, or we could swim- the water could be warmer now..."

Tsukiyama gave him a critical look. "I highly doubt that."

Hide shrugged before perking up, "I know!" He shot from his chair and disappeared into the hallway.

Tsukiyama glanced at Kaneki from the corner of his eye, "So... Hide is in a very cheerful mood. Well, more cheerful than usual."

Kaneki took a long drink from his cup, refusing to meet his eyes. "He must have slept good. The beds are really comfy."

"They sure are."

Kaneki felt his eyebrow twitch at Tsukiyamas' suggestive tone.

Hide appeared and held up a deck of cards. "Who's ready to get their asses kicked?"

~

Evidently Tsukiyama didn't know any card game except gofish, so that's what they played.

Kaneki won both games, but before they could start a third round Tsukiyama looked at the clock on the wall.

"I am sorry but I have to go into town. I have something I must pick up."

Hides' hand shot up excitedly, "I wanna go too!"

Tsukiyama got up and pushed his chair in. "Would you like to go as well, Kaneki?"

"No, I'm good."

"Kanekiii, come with us!" Hide pouted.

Kaneki shook his head. Though he did want to see the town, he just felt like being alone for awhile.

Tsukiyama was already at the front door, putting on his shoes. "We will only be gone for an hour at most, you can live without him for that long, I imagine."

Hide glanced over at Tsukiyama, who's back was turned to them. He quickly pecked Kaneki on the cheek and rushed to the door. 

"See ya later then, Kaneki!"

When the door shut, Kaneki was still sitting at the island, dumbfounded. He touched his cheek.

Hide had kissed him. Not in the heat of the moment, caught up in emotions and lust. Just a small, domestic, innocent kiss.

Kaneki let his forehead hit the counter with a dull thud.

He had to tell Hide before this went any further.

"When he gets back." Kaneki muttered.

"I'll do it... when he gets back."


	10. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki and Hide get some things off their chest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's a perspective change near the end of the chapter, I hope it isn't too jarring. I had originally wanted the story told from both Hide and Kanekis' point of view, but I ended up making it exclusively Kaneki. It'll be back to Kaneki next chapter, though a few scenes from here on out will be from Hides' point of view.  
> As always, thanks for all of the amazing comments! I get so giddy every time I see someone has said something.

Kaneki opened the door for them when they returned. He felt sick.

_I can't do this. I have to do this. I can't do this. I have to do this._

"You didn't burn the place down while we were gone!" Hide commented, kicking his shoes off, "Hey Tsukiyama, so now that we're here, you'll say what that is, right?"

Tsukiyama slid his shoes off, holding a rectangular box tightly to his chest. "No, I told you this is for a special occasion."

Hide groaned and followed Tsukiyama into the kitchen. "When's the special occasion then?"

"I do not know. But until then, I am putting the box in a safe place."

Hide was about to pester him again but Kaneki spoke up, his voice rising against his will.

"Hide can I talk to you?"

They both looked at him.

Hide seemed confused, but as he looked at Kaneki, his face shifted into nervousness. Tsukiyama on the other hand looked proud.

"It seems that I can leave the box out."

Kaneki didn't know what was in the box, or what Tsukiyama meant. If he let his mind wander he would lose his determination.

Hide led the way through the kitchen and down the hallway to his bedroom. It took everything in him to follow, his body seemed to be moving jerkily and when Hide opened his bedroom door, Kaneki felt like he was going to collapse.

_I can't do this. I have to do this._

He forced himself to walk forward. Hide closed the door and turned to him.

The room was darkening, but neither of them made to turn on the light. The descending sun was playing quietly against Hides' face, warm oranges that contrasted with the dark shadows around them.

"I um, have something I need to tell you too, actually."

It would have to wait. If Kaneki didn't spit these bitter words out right now, he might actually pass out.

His voice was a hoarse whisper as he spoke the thing he wished he would never have to.

"I'm a ghoul."

Hides' eyes widened. Shock. Kaneki had expected that. Now what would he see next? Repulsion? Anger? Fear? Hatred? He didn't want to look, he felt he would break seeing Hide like that, but he couldn't move, as if he had turned into an empty shell that was doomed to watch and accept its' fate.

Hide smiled and shook his head, disbelieving. "Well I can tell you that's _not_ what I thought this was about. I just figured you'd never tell me about the ghoul thing." Hide quickly held his hands up, "Not that I cared! I mean, I knew you were really tore up about it, so I figured, you know, you would tell me when you were ready to, and if you never were, then that'd be fine too..."

Hide was rambling, but Kaneki could hardly understand what he was saying. He just stared blankly at him.

Hide seemed to notice because his words dried up.

"Since when?"

Hide gave a crooked grin. "Um, since the thing with Nishio-senpai." His smile turned sheepish, "And I kind of overheard you talking with the Anteiku manager."

A few beats of silence.

"Do you hate me?" Kanekis' voice was flat.

Hide looked confused. "Why would I?"

A dry sob tore from Kanekis' throat. He could feel his face crumbling but before the first tears could run down his cheeks, he was in Hides' arms, holding him so tightly his arms trembled, and every ounce of strength he poured out, Hide returned.

"I'm so happy, so happy you told me."

Kaneki felt warm wetness on his shoulder and realized that Hide was crying too.

For the first time since he became a ghoul, he felt relief. It was like he had been carrying an ugly black ball inside him that shifted his insides and weighed him down to the point that it was painful to even move, and now it had suddenly been taken out, purged from him along with all his worry and fear. It was the greatest feeling he had ever known.

Hide pulled away from him and laughed, his smile cutting through his tears and Kaneki couldn't help but laugh too. Hide pulled his eyepatch off and Kaneki let him, finally letting Hide see him for who he truly was. Hide held his face lightly and leaned in. Kaneki closed his eyes. Two gentle kisses were brushed over his eyelids. When Hide pulled away Kaneki opened them slowly, and it felt like he was completely bare before him. It wasn't a bad feeling.

"Hide, you said... you had something to say."

Hide blinked. "Oh yeah, _that_. Well honestly your confession kind of trumped mine." Hide let the tip of his nose touch Kanekis'. "I mean, I hope that you already know."

"Hm? Know what?" Kaneki let his nose lightly brush the side of Hides'.

"That I'm kind of crazy in love with you."

A surprised bubble of laughter escaped Kaneki. He weakly hit Hides' chest before resting his head against him.

"You idiot." He snuggled into him, and he knew there was no place he would rather be. "I'm kind of crazy in love with you too."

~~~~~

When they went in the kitchen, three wine glasses full of deep red liquid were lined up on the counter. In two of them, the liquid was less opaque.

Tsukiyama grabbed two of the glasses and handed them to each of them. "Nagachika-kun, a nice red wine for you, and Kaneki-kun, I picked up something that the two of us could drink."

"So that's what was in the box?" Hide asked, sniffing the contents of the glass.

"Yes, indeed. Tsukiyama answered, picking up the last glass and swirling it lazily.

"What's the occasion?" Kaneki tried to imitate Tsukiyama but almost spilled the contents of his glass.

Tsukiyama smiled and held his glass up. "Why, because Kaneki-kun finally told you the truth about what he really is."

Hide looked quizzical. "You don't know that's what we talked about."

"Oh, but I do. Kaneki looked on the verge of fainting when we came in. Also," Tsukiyama raised his eyebrow at Kaneki, "Your eyepatch is off."

Kaneki shrugged raising his glass with Tsukiyama and Hide followed suit. In a grand voice, Tsukiyama made the toast.

"To the world of humans and ghouls, and to those who live in between!"

Their glasses tinked together before they all took a sip.

Kaneki was shocked when he tasted the blood. It had a lingering taste of bitterness.

Tsukiyama noticed his reaction. "When someone has been drinking heavily, you can taste the alcohol in their blood. A ghoul can even get drunk from it."

"Is that what we're doing, getting drunk?"

Hide clapped Kaneki on his back. "What's the matter Kaneki, are you embarrassing when you have a few?"

Kaneki huffed, feeling his cheeks burn. "You know I've never gotten drunk."

Hide shrugged and grinned, "Me neither." He raised his glass slightly to Tsukiyama, "So if we make asses of ourselves, try not to make fun of us!"

Tsukiyama smiled coyly. "I will certainly try." He motioned towards the living room, "Shall we?"

They sat around the living room table, Kaneki on one side, Tsukiyama and Hide on the other. They passed the time playing cards and drinking. How many glasses had he drank? He had lost count somewhere along the way, and now Kaneki felt like everything was fuzzy and everything seemed to be lagging, and he couldn't stop laughing as Hide tried to teach Tsukiyama the rules of rummy.

"Ok, now you- no, leave those cards alone- now you pick up a card. No wait, it's Kanekis' turn, right?"

Kaneki looked hazily up when he heard his name. "I just went."

Hide looked confused. "Then it's... who goes after Kaneki?"

Tsukiyama put his cards on the table. "Maybe we should try this again when Nagachika-kun isn't inebriated."

"I am not inebre... inbre-" Hide huffed as his tongue wouldn't cooperate with him and settled for pointing at Tsukiyama, "I'm not that."

Tsukiyama giggled, and Kaneki thought it was a really nice sound. Ah, and his cheeks were a little rosy, it really looked good with his purple hair.

"Hey Tsukiyama."

Tsukiyama looked at him, his smile not fading. "Yes?"

"You look really cute right now."

Hide laughed at Tsukiyamas' shocked expression. "Aw, look, purple superman is bashful!"

Hide poked his cheek and Tsukiyama batted his hand away, his cheeks flushing more.

"Someone like you should be used to getting compliments!"

Tsukiyama waved away their comments, "You both are drunk."

"We don't have to be drunk to notice these." Hide said, squeezing Tsukiyamas' bicep. "Just lookit these arms!"

Kaneki nodded agreement before tipping his glass and finishing it off.

Hide leaned against Tsukiyama and patted his face clumsily, "You know you're pretty, admit it."

Tsukiyama looked embarrassed as he shrugged Hide off of him. The motion made Tsukiyama unsteady and he nearly fell to the side.

Watching the two of them was making Kaneki feel a little too warm. Tsukiyama righted himself and noticed Kanekis' expression.

"Nagachika-kun, I think you're making Kaneki-kun jealous."

Kaneki wasn't in the least, but he didn't feel like answering.

"Aw, is that true, Kaneki? You need some attention too?"

Hide tried to stand but fell almost immediately. Tsukiyama snorted which sent Kaneki into a fit of laughter.

"Don't worry guys," Hide said, putting his hands on the ground. "If at first you don't succeed, just fucking crawl."

And he did, shakily making his way around the table to Kanekis' side. Kaneki watched his progress, his smile slowly fading. Hide, on his hands and knees, crawling towards him...

What a perverted sight. 

Hide unsteadily got into a sitting position. "Success."

"Well done, Nagachika." Tsukiyama said, raising his glass and spilling some of the blood.

Kaneki pressed himself against him, "Hide is definitely talented." He put his chin on Hide's shoulder so he was talking into his ear, "Aren't you?"

Hide seemed to pick up on the suggestive tone of his voice and cleared his throat. "So Tsukiyama, you um, already knew about Kaneki, yeah?"

Tsukiyama nodded. "Oui."

"So then like, how did you guys meet? Like honestly."

Tsukiyama was looking cautiously at Kaneki, but before he could say anything, Kaneki answered.

"He tried to eat me. But he didn't, obviously."

Hide looked surprised. "Wow, that's pretty heavy."

Kanekis' hand slid into Hides' lap and he whispered lowly, "You can eat me if you want, Hide."

Hide cleared his throat again, shooting a look at Tsukiyama, who was watching them with amusement. Kanekis' hand was kneading Hides' thigh slowly.

"K-Kaneki..." Hides' voice lacked conviction.

"Kaneki-kun's feeling frisky." Tsukiyama drawled, humor evident in his voice.

Kaneki wasn't really listening, the only thing on his mind was Hide, how he smelled, how his cock had tasted, the sounds he had made when he came, just Hide, Hide, _Hide_.

Kaneki hummed and bit Hides' neck playfully, eliciting a surprised yip from him. He glanced at Tsukiyama again and Kaneki felt a pang of annoyance.

_Don't look at him, look at me._

He grabbed Hides' chin and brought their mouths together, urging his lips open with little resistance and letting his tongue wetly slide over his. Hide sighed pleasantly at the contact, melting into the kiss quickly.

Kaneki moved his hand up and started massaging Hides' dick. Hides' mouth opened wider and he pulled away to exhale a low moan but before he could get away Kaneki snagged his bottom lip with his teeth.

It seemed to flip a switch in Hide because he grabbed the back of Kanekis' neck suddenly and kissed him hard, their teeth clicking together.

Though his fingers felt clumsy and uncooperative, Kaneki still brought them to Hides' pants and began working to undo them.

Hide grabbed his hand and broke the kiss. Kaneki tried to lean back in but Hide stopped him. "We um, might not want to do this here."

"Why?" Kaneki asked, dipping down to wetly kiss his neck, "Don't you want to fuck me?"

Hide inhaled sharply at the words and Kaneki smiled devilishly.

"He might not want an audience, Kaneki-kun."

Kaneki looked over at the voice and had a hard time focusing on his face. Oh yeah, Tsukiyama.

"It's just Tsukiyama, right? Let 'im watch if he wants."

Kaneki tried kissing him again but Hide stopped him and gave him a peck on his forehead. "Oh man... Kaneki, you're totally wasted. Come on, let's go to your room, ok?"

Kaneki groaned. He didn't want to move. Couldn't he just stay here? He leaned his head against Hides' shoulder. He wanted to protest, but his tongue felt like lead and his lips wouldn't move.

He closed his eyes. He could hazily hear Tsukiyama talking.

"Did he...just fall asleep?"

 _Of course not, I'm listening to you._ He thought, but even the thought was sluggish to come.

He could hear the warm tones of Hide and Tsukiyama talking, but he couldn't make out the words.

 _Like my own little lullaby_ , he thought pleasantly, before his surroundings drifted away from him.

 

 

#

Hide moved Kaneki slowly so that his head was resting in his lap. He looked to Tsukiyama apologetically.

"Uh, sorry about that."

Tsukiyama waved dismissively before resting his arm on the table and propping his chin on it. "Kaneki-kun is always full of surprises."

Hide laughed warmly. "He does a good job of keeping me on my toes."

He couldn't stop thinking of how Kanekis' eye had looked. Did it get like that when he was excited? It was amazing to finally see it, to finally understand why Kaneki had been hiding behind an eyepatch these past months. He felt like it should have looked jarring, to see his familiar friend changed like that, but it was Kaneki, and he couldn't help but accept and love everything about him.

Hide could feel his thoughts becoming less jumbled. The alcohol must be wearing off. Tsukiyamas' gaze looked more steady and clear, and he ventured to guess the same was happening for him.

"What Kaneki-kun said was true, though. About me..." Tsukiyama kept his eyes on him, seeming to gauge his reaction.

Hide didn't respond immediately, instead he looked down at Kaneki and smiled as he brushed a lock of hair from from his forehead.

"That happened in the past, right? Things are different now." He brought his eyes back to Tsukiyama. "You wouldn't hurt him."

"You don't know that." His voice sounded strained, as if the words pricked his throat.

"I _do_ know." Hide replied lightly. His thumb was stroking Kanekis' cheek gently. "I know because I love him, and I would never do something to hurt him. And you're in the same boat."

Tsukiyama leaned back against the couch. A tear escaped down his cheek, but he seemed not to notice. Hide wished he could console him, but he didn't want to wake Kaneki. Maybe it was for the best, how exactly was he supposed to make him feel better?

Fuck, he felt useless.

Another tear rolled down his cheek, this time catching his attention. He wiped his eyes hurriedly and gave a small laugh. "I am very sorry. How pitiful of me."

Hide patted next to him. "Get over here right now." Tsukiyama opened his mouth but Hide cut him off before he could object. "That wasn't a request."

Tsukiyama gave a tearful smile and crawled to his side. Hide wrapped his arm around him as soon as he settled down and pulled him close. Tsukiyama stiffened before relaxing into him, resting his head on his shoulder.

Hide sighed into the silent room. "Hey Tsukiyama, how does Kaneki look to you right now?"

Tsukiyama looked down at Kaneki, still asleep in Hides' lap.

"He looks beautiful. He always does."

"Anything else?"

Tsukiyama thought briefly. "He looks peaceful."

Hide smiled. "Exactly. And he looks that way because he's safe. And he's safe because of _you_." Hide squeezed Tsukiyama gently. "You're a good person. You might not think so, but me and Kaneki know for a fact that you are."

Tsukiyama raised his head up and looked at Hide, fresh tears in his eyes. "Nagachika-kun, that is the most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me."

His words made Hides' heart ache. Had noone ever said something like that to him? Or did it mean alot because it was him and Kaneki? He guessed it might be a little bit of both.

Hide leaned over and softly kissed him.

When he pulled away, Tsukiyama eyes were wide. He blinked slowly and the corners of his mouth lifted slightly before he rested his head on Hides' shoulder again.

Hide closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the two of them.


	11. First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and Kaneki discuss what happened the previous night

_A glimpse of long hair flowing before disappearing out his line of sight. The color was unique, yet familar. When the owner of that hair spoke, he knew why it was so familiar._

_"Playing house, are we?"_

_He didn't want to answer her, maybe if he just ignored her she would go away- "_

_Wouldn't that be nice if ignoring problems would make them go away." Arms snaked around him as the mocking words rang out._

_Warm breath whispered over his ear. "It's not polite to play with your food, you know. Your mother even said so." "_

_Hide isn't food." "_

_We both know that's not true."_

_"It is!"_

_He wanted to rip himself out of her grip, but his body wouldn't respond. He could hear the smile in her voice as she leaned closer. "_

_A monster like us can't love. We exist to eat. Nothing more."_

_~~~_

The first thing he was aware of was the smell of coffee. The second, unfortunately, was the dull ache in his head. It wasn't terrible, but he knew if he didn't deal with it soon it would blossom into a real head-splitter. He felt mildly upset at whatever he had dreamt, but couldn't recall any details. He decided it was probably a good thing he couldn't remember. He felt the bed shift and he cracked his eyes open cautiously.

"Hide?"

Hide smiled warmly at him and held up a cup of coffee. "I wanted to make you breakfast in bed, but I guess this is as close as I can get."

Kaneki sat up gingerly and took the cup with a grateful smile. Hide leaned against the headboard and stretched out his legs.

"How're you feeling?"

Kaneki waggled his hand in a half-committed gesture. "I've got a bit of a headache."

Hide reached over and grabbed a bottle from the bedside table and tossed it to him. "Thought that might be the case."

Kaneki unscrewed the top and swallowed a few pills with his coffee. He glanced over at Hide. "How about you?"

Hide gave him a wide smile. "I guess I'm one of the assholes that don't get hangovers."

Kaneki hummed and took a sip of his coffee.

He tried to recall what happened last night, but the details were hazy. He didn't even remember getting into bed.

"Ah, I hope I didn't do anything stupid. I don't really remember."

Hide rubbed his neck. "Uh, nothing too bad..."

Kaneki groaned. "Oh god, what did I do?"

Hide gave him an embarrassed grin. "You might have, um, told Tsukiyama he could watch us, well, you know."

Kaneki groaned again and covered his face with his hand. Hide leaned over and kissed him on his cheek.

"Aw, don't be so embarrassed! We didn't do anything in front of him. Well, we made out a little but nothing more than that."

Kaneki dropped his hand in his lap. "But did we...do anything?"

Hide shook his head. "Nah, you went out like a light." Hides' hands were in his lap, his fingers tangling and untangling nervously. "I uh, actually have something I think I should tell you."

Kaneki had been about to take a drink but he lowered it as the atmosphere changed. Hide let out a shaky breath and stilled his hands.

"I kind of kissed Tsukiyama."

Kaneki felt like he should be mad. Even though Hide and him weren't officially dating, they had confessed to each other, so Hide doing something like that was a breach of those confessions.

But for some reason, he didn't feel that way at all.

Hide must have interpreted Kanekis' blank face as something else though, because he rushed on, "It's just, we were talking about you and then the way Tsukiyama was talking got me really upset because he thinks really low of himself- like really, he has like zero self esteem- but I was trying to cheer him up and I just-" Hide looked desperately at him, trying to explain.

Kaneki sipped his coffee before giving him a playful smile. "So did you get any tongue?"

Hide looked simultaneously relieved and confused. "Um, no. It was just a small kiss." He furrowed his brow. "You're not mad?"

Kaneki shook his head and smiled again. "I get why you did it. And also," Kaneki looked into his coffee cup, suddenly feeling sheepish. "I um, have kinda kissed Tsukiyama-san before, too."

Hides' eyes widened and he scooted closer to him. "Oh my god, no way! When?"

Kaneki felt like they were at a slumber party, gossiping. It was kind of fun, in a way. "Uh, the night you got attacked, we kissed a little."

Hides' mouth opened but Kaneki cut him off quickly, realizing how it sounded that he was doing things like that when Hide was in the other room. "I was tired, and he was tired and I wanted to say thank you so I gave him a bite of my arm-"

"He actually _ate_ some of you?!" Hide exclaimed, "Did it hurt?"

Kaneki swirled the coffee in his cup absentmindedly "Yeah, um, it did so he kind of helped make the pain better by..."

Kaneki had been sucked into Hides' eagerness to hear, but now that he was getting to the finer details, he found himself unable to say them.

"He, um..."

Hide raised his eyebrows expectantly.

Kaneki cleared his throat. "He... rubbed me a little, to make it hurt less."

He was kind of worried Hide might be upset that he wasn't Kanekis' first sexual experience, but when he looked up at him, he was surprised to see that Hide didn't look angry or upset at all. He looked... Well, Kaneki wasn't sure. Intense, maybe. Like he was extremely interested.

"Was it through the pants?"

Kaneki nodded "It was through the pants, he's never actually touched me."

Hide hummed thoughtfully. "So was this before or after the kiss?"

"Um, before. That kind of led into the kiss."

Hide raised an eyebrow playfully before shooting Kaneki the same question that he himself had asked. "Was there tongue?"

Kaneki didn't say anything.

"Oh my god you made out with Tsukiyama."

Kaneki shrugged, his face hot. "Well I mean that time he technically made out with me-"

"Woah woah woah, there was another time?"

Kaneki felt panicky at the accidental slip and his words came out in a flurry. "Yeah but I was really tired, and I was stressed out about you and some ghouls I know and Tsukiyama-san was there and he was comforting me and it just kinda happened?" His sentence ended with his voice trailing up, like he was unsure.

Hide didn't say anything, his eyes still staring intently at him. Kaneki felt ashamed.

"I mean, does it really matter? I told you I love you, and I mean it, I really do."

Hide shook his head quickly, looking shocked. "Oh man, no! I'm not mad or anything, I was just curious, you know?"

He leaned over and kissed Kaneki softly. When he pulled away, he had a devilish grin. "Ah, I was being a little selfish, too. It's kind of hot hearing you talk about it."

Kaneki spluttered. "W-what?"

Hide hummed again and grabbed Kanekis' hand, putting it on the front of his pants. Hide was _definitely_ excited about it.

Hide brought his hand up and kissed the palm. Kaneki felt flustered, his body starting to grow a little too warm.

"I never knew you were such a pervert."

Hide raised an eyebrow. "Really, because your eye goes like that when you get excited, doesn't it?"

Kaneki suddenly felt a hot rush of panic and tried to pull his hand away to cover his eye but Hide held tight to him.

Hide turned his hand over and brushed kisses over each knuckle. It was oddly soothing, and Kaneki scolded himself silently for reacting like that. He didn't have to hide anymore.

"Besides, I wouldn't be such a pervert if you weren't so sexy."

Kaneki pulled his hand out of Hides' grasp and hit his chest lightly. "Don't say that, it's embarrassing!"

Hide laughed. "Don't get embarrassed, that's even sexier!"

Kaneki huffed before sipping his coffee. Hide watched him intently, his eyes half lidded.

"It's your fault anyway, getting me so worked up last night and then going to sleep like that."

Kaneki smiled playfully, "That's funny, last time you didn't care if I was asleep or not."

It was Hides' turn to groan in embarrassment before he gave him a pointed glare. "But you were awake!"

Kaneki looked over the rim of his cup. "But _you_ didn't know that."

Hide snatched his cup away but before he could protest Hides' lips were on his. Kaneki gave a small laugh as Hide nipped at his bottom lip.

Hide laughed too and pulled away, smiling deviously at him.

"Hey Kaneki," Hide sat the half finished coffee on the bedside table before pushing Kaneki onto the bed and settling on top of him comfortably. "So that thing you asked Tsukiyama to do, are you into that?"

"Into what?" Kaneki asked, leaning up and pecking Hide on the lips.

Hide smiled at him as his hand went down Kanekis' chest.

"Being watched."

Hides' hand continued going down his body until it got to the front of his pants. Kaneki gasped lightly as he began stroking him.

"Ah, um, I've never really thought about it."

Hide licked over his adams' apple. "I wanna know everything that turns you on."

Kaneki tilted his head back to give Hide more access. " _You_ turn me on." Kaneki moaned and bucked his hips lightly as Hide squeezed his cock.

Hide breathed hotly into his ear. "Don't say such cute things. It makes me want to do bad things to you."

Kaneki shuddered, feeling cold waves of excitement roll over him.

"Like what?"

Hide reached into Kanekis' pajama pants and pulled him free.

"Like I want to use my mouth on you." He began stroking Kaneki, his hand moving slowly. "Would you like that?"

Kaneki writhed under him, gasping.

"Y-yes."

Hide hummed and kissed his neck wetly. "What if I tied you to the bed?"

Kaneki imagined being restrained, completely vulnerable to him. He could feel precome spilling from his tip, only aiding in Hides' painfully slow stroking.

"Yes, please, _ah_ , yes."

"What if I fucked you on your hands and knees, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Hide using such a filthy word made his blood run hot and his throat constrict. He gasped harshly and let his hips thrust into Hides' hand as he came.

"Wow." Hide sounded amazed as he looked down and watched Kanekis' cock jerk and spill over his hand.

Kaneki covered his face. He came so quickly, from so little. How embarrassing.

"Oh my god."

Hide gave a surprised laugh. "Did you come just from me saying dirty things to you?"

Kaneki pressed his hands harder against his face and turned his head to the side.

He heard a wet sound before Hide gave a small sigh and he peeked though his fingers curiously.

Hide was licking the cum off his hand, his pink tongue dragging along his knuckles. Kanekis' cock gave an interested twitch at the sight and Hide noticed, looking up just as Kaneki shut his fingers to hide himself again. Hide pressed his body down onto Kanekis' warmly.

"You're so sexy."

Kaneki let his hands be pulled away and Hide looked down at him, his eyes dark with lust as they roamed over his face. "I've wanted to see you like this for years."

"Really?"

It was a dumb question to ask, but Kaneki couldn't think of anything else to say to such a sudden confession.

Hide hummed and pulled the neck of Kanekis' shirt to the side, placing a kiss on his exposed collarbone.

"I love you so much, Kaneki."

He wanted to respond, but he didn't trust his throat.

Such simple words, spoken in such a simple way. It was unbearably beautiful.

He grabbed Hides' chin and brought their mouths together so he could try to convey just how much he loved him back.

He hated himself for realizing so late, hated himself for living so long without these small kisses, hated himself for making Hide have to wait for him.

_I want you. I need you. I love you._

Words that he couldn't speak, so he spilled them from his mouth into Hides' with the rough press of lips and the soft slide of tongue.

When Hide pulled away for breath, Kaneki pushed him gently to the side. He shimmied out of his pajama bottoms and helped Hide do the same before climbing on top of him, his cock pressing against Kanekis' ass. Hide slid his hands up the sides of Kanekis' bare thighs and watched him as he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the side. Even though he had just come, he was quickly getting hard again.

"We'll need lube." Hide breathed, grinding lightly into Kanekis' crease.

Oh. He honestly knew little about how this was done, but did know that much, his excitement had made him forget.

He leaned over and pulled open the small drawer on the bedside table. He hadn't opened it before now, but he hoped that something in it could work.

Nothing but a thin notebook with a light yellow cover tucked neatly into the corner. It had been a long shot to begin with, but Kaneki still felt disappointment.

He sighed and rested his hands on Hides' chest. "I don't have anything."

Hide wrapped his hands around Kanekis' hips, continuing his small movements against him. "Ah, I could ask Tsukiyama if he has something."

Kaneki gawked at him. "You can't just ask him something like that, it's embarrassing!"

"Don't care." Hide breathed, squeezing his hips lightly.

Kaneki was almost tempted by the idea as he felt Hides' cock press more firmly against him.

"G-give me a second."

He climbed quickly from the bed and padded to the chair in the corner. He had thrown his bag in it yesterday, too lazy to unpack.

"Hey Kaneki, your ass is really cute." Hide commented.

He thought he was over the point of being embarrassed, but Hides' remark proved him wrong. He shot a pointed look over his shoulder and saw that Hide had sat up in bed so he could watch him.

Blushing, he hurriedly turned back to the task at hand. He unzipped the bag and rifled through the contents, the warmth from Hide and the blanket quickly disappearing, leaving him chilled by the open air.

When he found what he was looking for he resisted the urge to run back to the bed, settling for a brisk walk before climbing onto the mattress and settling next to Hide. Kaneki held up a small bottle of hand lotion, shaking it triumphantly.

Hide looked at him, his expression flat.

"That won't work."

Kaneki was taken aback. "Why not?"

Hide sighed. "It's your first time, I wanna do this right. Something like that might not be slick enough, it might make it painful."

Kaneki huffed at Hides' stubbornness. "How would you know anyways? It's your first time too, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah, but I mean, it's just common sense."

Kaneki reached over and began stroking Hides' erection, making him groan lowly.

"I'll be fine, Hide. Please, I just want you inside me."

Hide moaned again and bucked into his hand. "F-fuck, Kaneki, don't talk like that."

Was Hide sensitive to dirty talk too? He kind of wanted to tease him more with it, but what he had just said came out without him really thinking. If he actually tried, he wouldn't even know where to begin.

He settled for snapping open the lid of the lotion and squeezing a generous amount into his palm. Hide watched him, his expression a mixture of desire and hesitation but the latter quickly disappeared as Kaneki began slickening his cock. He made quick work of it, his chest thrumming with excitement and nervousness.

When Kaneki let go of him and went to push him back against the bed, Hide stopped him and snatched the lotion from on top of the sheets.

"We have to prepare you, too."

Kaneki glanced at Hides' erection, moistly glistening. "Isn't that enough...?"

Hide smiled at Kanekis' words. "You've never watched or read any gay porn, have you?"

"Of course I haven't!" Kaneki exclaimed, "I'm-"

He stopped himself before he said 'straight'. He had never really stopped to think of his sexuality, but he had always assumed he was only into girls. But after these past few days... Kaneki sighed. It was something he would sort out for himself later.

"I didn't know you were gay, Hide."

He smiled playfully at Kanekis' words. "I'm bisexual, thank you very much."

Hide popped the lid on the lotion and coated two of his fingers. "Ok, lay down for me."

Kaneki complied and Hide lifted and spread his thighs, eliciting an embarrassed squeak from him. Having Hides' eyes on such a private place made Kaneki blush hotly.

"D-don't look!"

Hide hummed, ignoring him as he ran a finger over his exposed hole. "You're even cute down here."

Kaneki could feel himself clench involuntarily at the touch. "You're so dirty, Hide..."

Hide dipped his head down and bit the inside of his thigh lightly, making Kaneki let out a small moan.

"You don't know the half of it."

He licked where his teeth had been as his finger continued brushing over that area. His hand stopped and Kaneki could feel his finger slowly press into him.

It wasn't a particularly good feeling, but it wasn't bad either. It was just weird, foreign.

"Are you okay?" Hide asked, his free hand stroking his thigh comfortingly.

Kaneki let out a pent up breath and nodded. Hide let out a deep breath too as he began pistoning his finger lightly.

"Does it feel good?"

"Um, well it doesn't feel bad."

Hide lifted his leg more and changed the angle of his finger, pressing it deep inside him. Kaneki gasped and felt his body tense as a short blast of pleasure swept over him.

"Ah, wait, right there, it f-feels good."

Hide smiled triumphantly and brought his finger back to the spot. "Here?"

Kaneki wanted to reply but his words were swept away with a surprised moan.

"Ah, Kaneki, your insides are twitching around me like crazy."

"D-don't say tha- ah!" Kaneki squirmed weakly, his fingers clenching the sheets.

"I'm gonna add another finger now."

Hide kissed his knee as he slowly pressed in a second finger.

It burned lowly, but the pleasure quickly took him again, making the small pain hardly register.

He wanted more.

"Hide, please, I'm p-prepared enough-" He gasped as that spot was hit again.

"You're still too tight." But it was evident from his voice that he wanted to rush things too.

Kaneki felt his insides stretch open as Hide scissored his fingers apart. Kanekis' back arched off the bed as the small prickling pain laced nicely together with the pleasure thrumming through him.

He did the motion a few more times before pulling his fingers out with a lewd wet noise.

Kaneki grabbed his shoulders and rolled them both over, switching their positions. Hide let out a surprised laugh and Kaneki smiled before leaning down and kissing him.

The exchange helped calm his nerves a bit and he let out a shaky breath as he sat up and positioned himself above Hides' hips. Kaneki grabbed his cock and brought it to his entrance. Hide gripped Kanekis' hips and helped him steadily lower down.

It hurt more than the fingers, but his excitement at the act made it only a trivial thing.

Hide sighed out a moan, his fingers digging tightly into his skin as Kaneki felt Hides' warm hips press against him.

It was all in.

"K-Kaneki," Hide panted out, his breathing shallow, "You're so beautiful."

_No, you're the one who's beautiful._

His thighs trembled as he slowly lifted himself up before descending again. That small area was brushed again and Kaneki gasped as he felt himself tighten around Hides' cock before loosening, only to tighten again.

Hide moaned rawly, and the sound made Kanekis' body start moving automatically, as if on instinct. He placed his hands on Hides' chest and rode him with quick, shallow movements, his swollen cock bouncing lightly as it dripped precome onto the bandage wrapped around Hides' stomach. It was time to switch it out with a fresh one, anyway.

Every time he submerged himself fully onto Hides' cock, that strong bright pleasure buzzed through him and made small moans tumble from his lips.

Hide suddenly raised his hips to meet his with a hard smack and Kaneki felt a surge of panic slice through his lust.

"D-don't- ah!"

He was going to scold him for moving like that with his wound, but when he opened his eyes he saw that Hides' mouth was open silently and at the same time he felt something hot pour into him. Kaneki pressed himself firmly against Hides' hips and pushed them back down onto the bed just as Hide sucked in a breath like he had been drowning and exhaled it on a low groan.

Hides' eyes opened and locked onto him hungrily. Before Kaneki could do anything, he felt his world spin disorientingly as Hide deftly switched their positions, keeping them connected all the while.

Hide kissed him roughly as his hips began to snap forward again and again.

Hadn't he just come? Kaneki only had a moment to marvel before his thoughts returned immediately to Hides' injury but all of that flew from his mind as Hide pounded into him.

He had been achingly close before, but this faster, harder pace tipped him over the edge within seconds. He moaned into Hides' mouth as his body writhed against him.

Hide growled low in his throat and bit Kanekis' bottom lip, even in such a fervor maintaining it to only a gentle nip. His thrusts became erratic, falling into a rhythm that was purely for his own quick release.

Kaneki was only just coming down from his own orgasm when he felt Hide release hotly inside him again, his hips stuttering before stopping alltogether.

He collapsed tiredly on top of Kaneki, his head nestled into his neck. They lay like that for a handful of seconds, only the sound of their breaths returning to normal to break the silence.

Hides' voice was muffled against his skin.

"Sorry."

Kaneki touched the top of his head, prompting Hide to look up. Kaneki kissed him softly.

"Hide," Kaneki broke away and gave him a coy smile. "You're really sexy."

Hide gave a surprised laugh and began tickling Kaneki. "Don't take my line you asshole!"

Kaneki squirmed under him, giggling as he tried to escape his fingers.

Hide laughed again as his fingers stopped and he leaned down, bringing their mouths together for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this chapter wasn't supposed to be all porn. I've learned really quick from writing this story that when it comes to these three, I can't write a short smut scene. I haven't decided if that's a good thing or bad thing.


	12. Come Dance With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and Kaneki discuss their relationship.

They spent the morning in bed, Hides' body laying comfortably between his legs, his head resting on his chest. Kaneki played with his hair absently as he talked, telling him about the part of him he had kept secret from him for so long. Some of the story was hard to tell, and the words were slow to come, but just Hides' presence was enough to steady him and guide him forward. Hide didn't say a word, and if Kaneki didn't know him any better, he would have thought he had fallen asleep but the occasional brush of eyelashes against his skin told him Hide was listening carefully. He ended with the trackers and his meeting at Anteiku, his heart feeling heavy as he recounted the conclusion him and Tsukiyama had come to and the grim discovery under Irimis' skin.

Hide sat up as Kanekis' words dried up and stared at him, his eyes soft. "So Touka-chan and your other friend, when will they be out?"

"The day after tomorrow."

"We could go see them, if you really wanted to."

Kaneki shook his head, though he couldn't deny that the same idea had been mulling through his head the past few days. "They'll be leaving almost as soon as they get out." He leaned his head against the headboard. "Maybe when they get settled in with Yomo-san, though."

Hide hummed thoughtfully. "She might not be too happy seeing Tsukiyama, though."

Kaneki let his hand run down Hides' back. "Hm, so you've dropped the honorific with Tsukiyama-sans' name, was the kiss really that good?"

Hide breathed a laugh against Kanekis' skin. "Well if that's the case, I'm surprised you aren't on a first name basis with him."

Kaneki blushed and flicked Hides' head playfully. "Shut up."

A comfortable silence fell between them. Kaneki let his fingertips run over the tops of Hides' shoulders. He had never noticed the light scattering of freckles there before. It looked like someone had sifted cinnamon onto his sun kissed skin. Hide pushed himself up after awhile, locking eyes with him.

"You like him, don't you."

It was a question, but Hide said it in a matter-of-fact way, as if he already knew the answer.

Kaneki brushed Hides' hair off his forehead, watching as it fell back into place. "I like _you_."

"But you like him, too." Hide didn't sound upset about it, and Kaneki huffed, not sure how to handle this sudden change of conversation.

"Are you asking because _you_ like him?"

Hide hummed again, putting his head back on Kanekis' chest. "I'm interested in him."

A few beats of silence.

"Sexually?"

Hide sighed. "It's not only that." He rolled off of Kaneki lazily and pulled him into his arms. "He treats you good, and he cares about you a lot." Hide kissed Kanekis' forehead lightly. "What I'm trying to say is, if you ever want to do anything with him, sexual or romantic or anything, I'm cool with it."

The idea was weird to Kaneki, but not necessarily unappealing. "Um," He began, his words hesitant. "I'm... okay with you doing those things too, if you want." He thought briefly before adding, "But only if it's Tsukiyama-san."

Hide laughed and bopped him on the nose with his own. "Same here. This isn't a free pass to go out and date anyone you want."

That brought up another point Kaneki had been fretting over, but he wasn't sure how to ask without seeming stupid.

"So then are we..."

Hide pulled away, waiting for Kaneki to continue. He blushed under his stare, the already hesitant words lodging in his throat even further.

"Are we..."

He let out a small breath and willed out the last word.

"Dating?"

Hide gave him a lopsided grin. "Well, I kind of assumed we were, yeah."

Kaneki sighed, relief washing over him.

~~~

It was past noon when Kaneki got out of the shower and made his way back to his room. He flopped face forward on his bed, not wanting to sit down after that mornings' activities. He realized that Hide was spending so much time in his room that the blankets were starting to smell like him. As if prompted by his thoughts, Hide laughed loudly from the living room. Kaneki smiled as he sat up gingerly, wondering what the two of them were talking about.

He opened the bedside table. The pale yellow notebook was still tucked into the corner of the empty drawer. This was Tsukiyamas' room, so it was probably his. He picked it up carefully, like it was made of glass. He knew he shouldn't be snooping, but ever since he had gotten a glimpse of it he had been curious. Glancing at the door, he opened the book slowly.

Nothing on the first page. The second page, however, had a detailed drawing of a flower on it, with delicately looping writing under it.

_Camellia. August 12th, 2009._

He turned the page.

_Honeysuckle. February 20th, 2010._

He let his fingertips brush over the illustration. Each pencil stroke was so careful, so precise, but so elegant. A lot of love went into these drawings. He thumbed through the notebook, taking his time admiring all the drawings and the occasional notes written under the dates.

_There were many butterflies, but none of them would stay in place long enough for me to draw them._

_I am lucky to find one that bloomed out of season, it is said to be good luck when that happens!_

_This little one hadn't bloomed yet, but the bud was still beautiful._

Reading these was like seeing a glimpse of another side of Tsukiyama that he hadn't been aware of.

Only about half the pages were filled. Kaneki flipped through the remaining pages quickly, not really expecting to find anything, which made him accidentally skip over an occupied page. His brow furrowed as he turned the page back. It was a sketch of a young boy in an armchair, who had evidently fallen asleep sitting up. Kaneki realized just from the few deft strokes that it was Kanae-san. On the opposite page was a young girl, turned away so that only a sliver of her profile could be seen. At first glance Kaneki thought it was Hinami-chan, but the outfit wasn't something she would wear, and this girl had a black strap around her neck, and he could see a bit of something, though the angle made it hard to see, he was pretty sure it was the lense of a camera. She must be someone important to him.

This book, it was where Tsukiyama recorded the things that made him happy. Kaneki thought again about just how little he knew about him.

He shut the notebook and set it back in the drawer, trying to make it look like it hadn't been disturbed.

Kaneki jumped as a knock came from the door. If it had come even ten seconds sooner, he might have thrown the notebook in surprise.

Silently thanking his good timing, he cleared his throat.

"Yeah?"

The door cracked open and Tsukiyama poked his head in. "Kaneki-kun, please meet us in the living room in five minutes."

Kaneki gave him a confused look but Tsukiyama was already gone, shutting the door with a crisp click.

What was that about?

Kaneki shook his head, deciding not to worry about it. It couldn't be anything serious. He sat on the bed, his fingers tangling and untangling from each other. Did he _have_ to wait five minutes? How long had it already been?

Even though he told himself not to fret, he could still feel uneasiness sitting heavily in his stomach. He counted to three hundred, deciding it should be enough time.

He rushed through the last 50 numbers, standing and heading to the door before he was even done.

When he peeked around the corner to the living room, he saw Hide examining a stack of records, while Tsukiyama was at the cabinet opposite of the couch. Kaneki had assumed there was a television inside of it, but now that it was open he could see that there was also a record player.

"It was Valse what?"

"Valse Sentimentale," Tsukiyama chided. "Composed by Tchaikovsky."

"Found it!"

Hide held up a record and Tsukiyama took it, inclining his head gratefully. His eyes caught sight of Kaneki.

"Kaneki-kun, please join us."

Feeling a bit sheepish about being caught watching them, he stepped the rest of the way into the room.

"Um, what exactly are we doing?"

Tsukiyama flicked his arm out in a grand gesture. "I am going to teach you both how to dance."

Hide already had a pout turned toward him, anticipating his grimace, and Kaneki didn't disappoint his expectations.

"But I don't know how to dance."

Hide puffed his cheeks out at him. "That's why he's gonna teach us, dummy."

Tsukiyama and Hide both looked at him expectantly, and he knew no amount of complaining would get him out of this. Kaneki sighed and sat on the couch. "Hide has to go first, though."

Hide cracked his knuckles, smiling happily. "That's probably not a good idea, I'll be a tough act to follow." He threw a wink at Kaneki and he couldn't help but laugh.

Tsukiyama had put the record on and as soon as he had set the needle down, the room was filled with a low crackle before delicate violin began playing. Tsukiyama held his hand out and Hide took it with a small bow. The song was beautiful, the violin leading the creeping instruments before joining them in a wonderful harmony, only to pull away and lead again. Tsukiyama directed Hides' hand to his waist, and clasped his other hand firmly.

In this case, Hide was all bark and no bite, continuously stepping on Tsukiyamas' feet and tripping over himself. Tsukiyama was a patient teacher, though, and after a few playthroughs of the song Hide had gained some coordination and led him semi-gracefully across the room.

After listening to the direction Tsukiyama had given Hide, and observing their movements, Kaneki felt confident he could pull it off.

Hide collapsed tiredly on the couch beside him. Tsukiyama didn't even seem out of breath. He held his hand out to Kaneki.

"May I have this dance, Kaneki-kun?"

He took his hand and was pulled from the couch. Tsukiyama had just restarted the record, so the violin was already starting its' languid march. Kaneki placed his hand on Tsukiyamas' hip, relishing the warmth of his skin beneath his clothes, his other hand clasped in Tsukiyamas' much larger hand. It was soft and warm, and Kaneki became overly conscious of his own clammy hands.

Tsukiyama smiled, seeming to notice his nervousness and squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"Ready?"

Kaneki let out a shaky breath and began leading him, keeping his posture straight as his feet moved in time with the music. The height difference made it a little difficult, but Kaneki tried not let it deter him. Tsukiyama let out a low laugh and moved with him, falling into the rhythm comfortably.

"It seems I do not have to teach you."

Kaneki blushed at the praise. "I'm a visual learner."

Tsukiyama hummed pleasantly along with the music as they made their way slowly around the room. Kaneki glanced in Hides' direction and saw that he was watching them, a smile playing on his lips. He saw Kaneki looking and gave him another wink before standing up.

"I got sweaty from all that, I'm gonna hop in the shower."

Deftly turning them, Tsukiyama faced Hide. "That is fine. Kaneki-kun and I will wrap up here."

"Take your time." Hide shot back happily, making his way from the room.

Kaneki could feel his face flushing hot. He knew Hide was leaving to give them some alone time. His feet suddenly felt too heavy and stopped listening to him, causing him to stumble. Tsukiyama helped him right himself before instantly falling back into the sway of the song.

"Do I really make you so uncomfortable, Kaneki-kun?" Tsukiyama began leading Kaneki, and he was happy to follow, finding it much easier. Tsukiyama sighed. "You look as if your friend has left you with a wild dog."

Kaneki had been looking at Tsukiyamas' chest, not wanting to look him in the eye, but the words made him snap his head up.

"Th-that's not true!"

Tsukiyama was looking above his head, his face expressionless, obviously not believing him.

They moved across the floor silently, Kaneki returning his gaze to his chest, not sure what to say.

"This song is really pretty."

"You have very good taste." Tsukiyama commented, turning them again.

"What's your favorite song?"

Tsukiyama slowed to a stop, looking down at him thoughtfully. "Why do you ask?"

Kaneki shrugged lightly. "Just curious."

Tsukiyama looked at him for a few more seconds before releasing him, walking to the record player. He thumbed through the stack of smaller record sleeves and quickly found the single he had been searching for. The violin stopped abruptly as he pulled the needle up and switched the records out.

A slow, sweet melody began playing. A woman was singing, her voice low and rosy over the timeless music behind her. It was in English, but the words were simple and Kaneki could understand them.

_"See the pyramids along the Nile, watch the sunrise on a tropic isle, just remember, darling, all the while, you belong to me."_

Tsukiyama smiled slightly as he listened, mouthing along the words silently. Kaneki held his hand out to him, and Tsukiyama looked surprised before taking it with a smile. Tsukiyama lifted their joined hands and spun Kaneki, eliciting a small laugh from him before pulling him against his chest, his arms wrapping loosely around Kanekis' waist. 

They swayed slowly, the rhythm guiding them. Kaneki pressed his ear against Tsukiyamas' chest and could hear his heart beating, a sweet, warm thrumming that perhaps was just a little too fast.

He had honestly been expecting some classical piece to be his favorite, not this old love song. The picture he had held of Tsukiyama was slowly being painted over, revealing something he would never have guessed. Someone who loved deeply and completely, who was fiercely loyal and devoted.

Tsukiyama began singing along softly, his voice delicate and light, reverberating pleasantly through his chest. Kaneki closed his eyes, letting the rhythm and Tsukiyamas' gentle voice take him over completely.

The song faded out, leaving the light crackle of the spinning record, but they continued swaying, dancing to the phantom of the song that lingered in the still air.

Kaneki raised himself on tip toes and kissed him. His lips were unbearably soft and full, lending Tsukiyama a feeling of fragility.

Tsukiyama pulled away after a few stunned seconds, looking down at him with mild distress.

"Please do not do that, Kaneki-kun."

He honestly wasn't expecting an outright rejection like that. He didn't know what he had been expecting.

They had stopped swaying, but Tsukiyama hadn't let him go, still holding him warmly against his chest.

"U-um..." Kaneki felt like an ass, breaking the lovely mood by doing something so stupidly impulsive. "I'm sorry, that was really dumb of me." His voice sounded small and pathetic, and he hated himself for it.

Tsukiyamas' arms tightened minutely around him before letting go. "Please do not apologize." He looked down at Kaneki, and Kaneki could see that he was just barely keeping his face composed.

"I... cannot bring myself to hurt Nagachika-kun in such a way." His lips lifted in a small smile. "Please do not throw away the happiness you have with him, especially for me."

He felt a jolt at those last words. Tsukiyama really didn't think he was good enough. All that confidence, was it all just airs to hide behind?

He knew what he had to say, but it was odd saying it. "Hide and I, we were talking earlier."

Tsukiyama was looking over his head again, but Kaneki could tell he was listening intently.

"And um, if you're interested in either of us, it's okay... we're both okay with it."

For the first time Kaneki had known him, Tsukiyama was speechless. His mouth opened, but snapped shut almost immediately. A handful of seconds passed before he found his voice again.

"If that is the case, the three of us should work out the finer details." The words were spoken carefully, as if Tsukiyama were gauging the situation.

A voice from the hallway made both of them look up. Hide walked into the living room, a fresh change of clothes in his arms. He was grinning apologetically. "I promise I wasn't eavesdropping, I just needed to ask if it's okay to take my bandage off to take a shower?"

Tsukiyama cleared his throat. "Yes, that should be fine."

Hide nodded. "Ok, good. And about the 'finer details' thing, I say just do whatever feels natural." He rubbed his neck and grinned. "I honestly don't know how these things work, so we can just take the situation as it comes, right?"

Tsukiyama seemed to be getting a better grasp of the situation and was settling quickly back into his usual cool collectedness. "So this also applies to you, does it not?" He raised an eyebrow at Hide, who blushed furiously.

"Um, yeah, I'd like- I mean, if you'd like..." He trailed off, obviously flustered.

Kaneki felt overwhelmed, listening to their exchange. This conversation couldn't actually be happening, especially with such a casual tone. Something like this wasn't very normal, but Hide was taking it in stride, putting everything out in the open.

Hide looked between them. "But, just to be clear, this is only if all of us are comfortable with it."

Tsukiyama smiled. "I have no objections."

Hide smiled widely at him before he turned to Kaneki expectantly.

He felt a smile tugging at his lips as he nodded.

Hide beamed happily. "Well that's settled then!" He turned and raised his hand in a wave before disappearing into the hallway again. "Okay, I'm off to shower for real this time!"

They could hear a door click closed and suddenly they were alone again, the record still crackling quietly. Tsukiyama turned it off, his back to Kaneki.

Was Tsukiyama really okay with this? He had only known Hide for a short time, and he had known Kaneki for only a little longer. Was this him just letting the two of them indulge themselves, or did he really want this? How permanent was this arrangement? Would it end when they finally left this place? Because they would have to leave, eventually. He felt like he was overthinking this.

"You seem troubled."

Kaneki hadn't noticed that Tsukiyama had turned and was watching him carefully.

"S-sorry." He muttered, feeling embarrassed.

Tsukiyama gave him a humorless smile. "You are uncomfortable with the arrangement."

Kaneki shook his head quickly. "I'm not!"

Tsukiyama closed the few steps between them, his eyes softening. "It is a bit unconventional, so I understand."

Kaneki shook his head again, giving Tsukiyama a critical stare. "Stop assuming things. I was just wondering if _you_ were okay with it."

Tsukiyama looked taken aback briefly before settling into a pleasant smile. "You needn't worry about me."

Kaneki clicked his tongue. "Saying that just makes me want to worry about you more."

Tsukiyama chuckled lowly and hesitantly let his fingers run up Kanekis' forearm. "Would you like to know my honest feelings on the matter?"

Kaneki could feel the fine hairs on his arm raise as the fingers gently brushed over him.

"Yes."

Tsukiyamas' hand roamed over his bicep, his shoulder, finally resting warmly against his neck.

"I feel as if I do not deserve either of you. But, being the greedy man that I am, I do not wish to deny myself the things that I want."

Tsukiyama leaned down and kissed him,nothing more than a chaste brush of lips.

Kaneki smiled when he pulled away and pressed into him.

His worries about this new relationship didn't matter. Even if it didn't last, he was happy to have it right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Tsukiyama is teaching them to dance to is 'Valse Sentimentale' by Tchaikovsky. The song he plays for Kaneki is called 'You Belong To Me' by Jo Stafford.


	13. New Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something needs to be done about the Bitters, and Hide has a good idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember a few chapters ago I said I couldn't write a short smut scene with these three? Well If you're wondering why this chapter is so damned long, there's your answer.

The three of them were piled up on the sofa, a mess of comfortably draped limbs under a warm blanket as they watched a documentary on Black Holes that Tsukiyama had found while channel surfing.

"...hope to send a probe into ones' depths in the near future."

Hide snickered and Kaneki slapped his arm lightly. "You're such a child."

Hide laughed, setting aside a small braid he had finished in Tsukiyamas' hair and began gathering more to start a new one.

Tsukiyama hummed, adjusting his head in Hides' lap. "I believe he is tuning out everything but the words probe and hole."

Hide laughed again. "You guys watch this stuff for educational reasons, I watch it for lame innuendo reasons."

"You say it like it's a joke, but I actually believe that's the case."

Hide shot Kaneki a playful wink before shrugging. "Sue me."

Kaneki rolled his eyes before turning back to the television. This was nice, such a domestic and simple thing as watching t.v. together. Kaneki clung to the feeling of comfort as much as he could, trying to push away the low quivering of unease that had been crawling through him all day. Tomorrow, Hinami and Touka would be released. He knew that Yoshimura would take care of them, that the trackers would be swiftly removed before they were taken somewhere safe. But still, the thought that something could go wrong kept clawing at him. If Tsukiyama and Hide noticed his nervousness, they were kind enough not to draw attention to it, patiently waiting for him to talk about it, if he so chose.

The credits began rolling and Hide patted around himself, looking for the remote. Kaneki wanted to talk to them. They were both aware of what was happening, and telling them about his worries would make him feel better. But the thing was, there was something else that had been eating at him. Bringing it up would most likely sour the mood, but being one of the few people who knew about the trackers made him feel as if it was his duty.

Hide had found the remote and was lazily flipping through the channels. Kaneki sighed, his mind set.

"I think we should do something about the Bitters."

Hides' finger stopped pressing the button on the remote and he looked at Kaneki. An announcer was talking in a pleasant tone as a man with a golf club was preparing a shot on the screen.

"Like what?"

Kaneki shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. But it feels like we should, you know?"

Tsukiyama sat up, the cluster of small braids sticking up slightly from his head. That combined with his serious expression made for quite a comical sight, but Kaneki wasn't in a laughing mood.

"It's just, we know that alot of people are going to die. It feels wrong knowing that, and not trying to save them."

The golfer made the shot and polite clapping filled the room as the three of them sat quietly, mulling over Kanekis' words. Tsukiyama sighed.

"I feel the same way, but the situation is quite tricky." He leaned back against the couch and crossed his arms. "If we were to manage to get an announcement of some sort out, the ghouls would see it as confirmation that the Bitters are traitors. It would not end well. It might also prompt the CCG to act more swiftly."

"It'd be easier if we knew how much time we had to work with." Kaneki thought out loud, his stomach sinking with the gravity of the situation.

Hide shifted in his seat. "Ok, so I'm gonna suggest something, and you two probably won't like it, but I think it's our best shot." Kaneki could already feel himself rejecting whatever Hide had in mind, that tone suggested it was something dangerous. Hide huffed when he saw Kanekis' face. "Don't give me that look, I haven't even said anything yet."

"I'm not gonna let you do anything that could put you in harms' way."

Hide looked irritated, and Kaneki could see a flicker of anger in his eyes. "You said it yourself, we're responsible for those people. If they die and we do nothing, their blood will be on our hands."

He hadn't been expecting Hide to be so adamant on this, and he could feel his own anger start to rise. Before he could say anything, though, Tsukiyama interjected.

"Let's at least hear him out first. We need to consider every option before deciding a course of action."

Kaneki sighed and nodded, and Hide smiled softly.

"It's really not that dangerous. It's just, well I remember seeing on the noticeboard at the campus that there's an internship at the CCG. I mean, I wouldn't have access to any important information or anything, but I might be able to find something out."

The idea honestly wasn't a bad one. It made sense, and though the chances of gleaning any information like that were slim, they were more than zero percent.

"If you were to get that internship, it could be very beneficial for us." Tsukiyama said thoughtfully, "You might be able to notice when they started mobilizing, at the very least."

Hide nodded eagerly. "That's what I thought too! I mean, even if it doesn't help at all, it can't hurt. It's definitely better than nothing."

Kaneki couldn't think of a good argument against it. There was virtually no risk to it, if Hide were to be careful.

"I think it would be worth a shot." He admitted.

Hide visibly perked up. "I'll go get my laptop to apply!"

He jumped up from the sofa and took off down the hallway.

"Nagachika-kun truly is clever," Tsukiyama commented before giving Kaneki a sidelong glance. "He will be perfectly discreet, I am sure."

Kaneki nodded, appreciating the low key reassurance to his worries.

Bounding back into the room, Hide held up his laptop triumphantly before flopping onto the couch. The three of them huddled around the screen as Hide pulled up a tab and began typing. He clicked on the link to the CCG homepage and and the logo popped up.

"I'm in." Hide said, lowering his voice for effect.

"It's a public page."

"Don't ruin my fun."

~~~~

Hide was on top of him, working his back muscles skillfully. The roughness of his palms and fingertips contrasted nicely with the slide of the lotion. Hide had been the one to suggest giving him a back rub, and right now he thanked god he had decided to take him up on it. Hide found a particualrly tense spot under his shouldr blade and began working it slowly, making Kaneki groan sleepily. He really was good at this. He could smell Hides' arousal, a bitter-sweet smell that he was quickly becoming familiar with. Even if he didn't have a heightened sense of smell, he could clearly feel that Hide was hard, and he couldn't deny that he was as well. _When he's done, I'll treat him._ He thought lazily, letting his mind drift over the implications.

After Hide had sent in his application for the internship, Kaneki had made a call to Yoshimura-san, asking him to tell Touka to call him when she was out. Yoshimura had assured him that he would. Kaneki had no idea what time her and Hinami-chan would be out tomorrow, and he already knew that waiting for the call would be nerve wracking. Hide probably knew it too, hence the massage.

Kaneki moved his hips against Hides' erection and was pleased when his hands stuttered to a halt briefly before continuing. Kaneki waited a few seconds before doing it again.

"You little bastard, I know you're doing that on purpose."

Kaneki hummed. "Prove it."

Hide laughed lightly and Kaneki felt him press his chest warmly into his back. He brushed a few soft kisses against Kanekis' shoulders before getting off of him and situating himself beside him. Kaneki turned on his side and kissed Hide deeply, pressing himself against him. Hide reached between them and pulled their cocks free before scooting his hips closer so he could grab both of them in one hand. He set a lazy rhythm, his movements aided by the lotion still covering his hand. Kaneki sighed into Hides' mouth, letting himself melt into his touch.

There was no urgency in their movements against each other, no building desire to hit climax, just the languid pleasure buzzing through them as their tongues entwined, only the need to touch and be touched, to be close.

Kaneki could feel himself creeping to orgasm, and by the slightly labored breathing from Hide, it was evident he was close too, though he kept his grip and pace the same.

He gasped weakly and came, Hide following only a fraction of a second later. _The sheets definitely need to be washed_. He thought absently, pulling Hide into a loose embrace. He was shocked when he felt Hide was still hard. He looked down at it, as if needing to see it to believe it before looking up at Hide again.

" _How_."

Hide laughed, his eyes dark with lust. "I guess I just can't get enough of you."

"Do you realize how cheesy that line is?"

"Doesn't mean it's not true."

Kaneki snaked his hand down and began stroking him lightly. "Do you want me to use my mouth?"

Hide kissed him roughly all of a sudden, taking him by surprise. When he pulled away, he had an almost animalistic look in his eyes. "You really shouldn't say things like that so casually, it's incredibly erotic."

Kaneki could feel himself flush. "I wasn't trying to be."

"Exactly."

He didn't get what Hide meant, but he didn't really mind.

Hide pushed him gently onto his back and stripped Kanekis' underwear off before nudging his legs open and settling between them. He looked down at his hand which was covered in a mixture of both of their cum, staring at it contemplatively before spreading it over his first two fingers.

"Hide, what are you doing?" It was a dumb question, he knew exactly what he was doing.

"Getting ready to prepare you."

With that? Well, it would definitely be slick enough. It as just weird to think about. But actually, it was a little exciting, in a perverse way. He laughed inwardly, thinking how he always called Hide a pervert. Maybe he was projecting himself onto Hide instead of admitting it to himself.

The first finger slid in him easily, a lot easier than last time. He guessed it was because he was more relaxed this time and knew what to expect. Hide found that spot almost immediately and teased the area under it, refusing to actually brush over it.

"Hide," Kaneki breathed, his voice sounding foreign to himself, "Do you ever do this to yourself?"

If Hide was shocked at the question, he didn't show it.

"Sometimes."

He let his finger sink a little deeper, touching that spot briefly before retreating immediately. Kaneki could feel warmth building in his lower stomach, his limp cock twitching weakly between his legs.

"Maybe sometime I'll let you watch me do it." Hides' voice was low, vibrating deeply in the air.

The thought of watching Hide do something like that was almost unbearably hot, and Kaneki found himself nodding perhaps a little to eagerly.

A bubble of laughter escaped Hide. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you?"

He lowered his head suddenly, looking deep in thought. When he raised it, his face was set. Instead of inquiring, Kaneki waited patiently for Hide to discuss whatever he had been debating with himself.

"Hey Kaneki..."

That wasn't a very long wait.

"Yeah?"

Hides' free hand ran up and down his thigh. "You know that thing we talked about?"

"You'll have to be a little more specific."

He was obviously flustered. It was a pretty cute look for him.

"That thing with Tsukiyama. About him watching."

Ah. So that's what this was about.

"What about it?"

"We could ask him to... if you wanna."

Well this was certainly taking a long stride away from the lazy afternoon of sex he had imagined. But he had to admit, it wasn't unwelcome. He looked up at Hide. "Do you want to?"

"If you want to."

"That's not what I asked."

Hide looked away from him, looking uncharacteristically shy. "I'd...like to. But only if you really want to."

The idea was exciting, there was no doubt about that. He would probably make a fool of himself, and he'd probably be outrageously self consciouss the whole time, but oddly his worries seemed trivial. Really, he had known his answer since Hide had broached the subject.

"You have to ask him though."

A huge grin greeted his reply, but was quickly replaced with skepticism. "You aren't just saying that because _I_ want to, are you? Because if that's the case-"

Kaneki cut him off by grinding himself into the finger sitting idly inside him.

"I want him to watch us."

Practically hopping from the bed, Hide quickly adjusted his pants and made for the door. He had his hand on the doorknob but let it go before turning around.

"How bad can you see my..." He trailed off and gestured vaguely to his crotch.

Kaneki sat up to look. He was quite obviously erect.

"Not too bad..."

Hide looked miserable as he took a few steps away from the door. "I can't go ask him something like this with a boner!"

Kaneki was trying hard not to laugh. "Why not?"

Hide huffed, exasperated. "Well, first off, it'll make me look like a pervert."

"Which you are." He chided.

Hide continued, ignoring his teasing, "And secondly, doesn't it feel like if he sees it, there's an obligation to say yes?"

He couldn't hold back anymore and collapsed into a fit of giggles. Hide look at him incredulously.

"What's so funny?"

Maybe he was only laughing because he was nervous, but something about the situation was just so absurd that it was hilarious.

He wiped at his eyes and tried to talk. "I don't know... obligatory boner..."

Saying it out loud made him start laughing harder, this time with Hide joining in.

When they calmed down, a lot of their tension was gone. Hide took a steadying breath and went for the door again.

"I'm just gonna go for it."

Kaneki nodded encouragingly and Hide shot him a quick wink before leaving.

Being alone made his nervousness return. If Tsukiyama said no, it would put all of them in an awkward situation. He wouldn't say no, would he? But if he agreed, the two of them would be returning soon. He looked down at himself, his legs still lewdly open and his cock swollen against his stomach. He pulled the blanket over himself hurriedly, then pulled it back on second thought, only to pull it over again.

He waited by taking steady, long breaths.

The door opened and Hide walked in, his cheeks and ears blood red in embarrassment. Kaneki felt shame wash over him. They shouldn't have been so hasty to ask something like that. What had he been thinking?

His thoughts were stopped cold when Tsukiyama stepped into the room right after Hide.

So they were going to do this, then. He felt relief and a fresh wave of nerves wash over him.

The three of them said nothing to each other in the heavy silence.

Tsukiyama cleared his throat. "Should I sit in the chair?"

The words seemed to break everyones' paralysis and Hide nodded. "Yeah, um, that'd be good."

As Tsukiyama went to the chair, Hide shot Kaneki a grin. He looked just as nervous as Kaneki felt. He crawled onto the bed and sat next to him, not sure how to proceed. Kaneki hadn't made eye contact with Tsukiyama since he had come in the room. He willed himself to look up at him and saw that he had situated himself comfortably in the chair, his legs crossed. Tsukiyama raised an eyebrow at him as their eyes met and Kaneki felt his cock twitch excitedly as he blushed deeply.

Hide leaned forward tentatively and ran his hand over Kanekis' chest. He brought his lips to Hides' and they kissed slowly, letting their nervous energy subside, even if just a little.

Hide broke the kiss and pulled at the blanket around his waist. He hadn't even realized that his hands had been tightly clutching it. He let his grip go and looked up at Tsukiyama as Hide pulled it away. Tsukiyamas' kakugan were activated, shining darkly as they ventured up his body. Kaneki felt his cock twitch again as it spilled precome on his stomach. Tsukiyama seemed to have noticed, his nostrils flaring lightly.

Hide kissed his neck and pushed him gently back onto the bed before pulling his legs up. He couldn't see Tsukiyama now, only Hide, who was still beside him, presumably so Tsukiyama could see what was happening.

Hide grabbed one of his ass cheeks and spread him open for Tsukiyama to look. Kaneki felt exposed, dirty, he didn't want Tsukiyama to see down there, he didn't want anyone to... but at the same time, it was exciting him in a way he had never felt.

The hand let go of him and without warning, Hide pressed a finger into him. He was still slick inside from earlier so it didn't hurt, but it still made him gasp. Hides' free hand rubbed his stomach soothingly as he bagan moving his finger, quickly finding his prostate. He moaned loudly as Hide pressed against it and quickly slapped his hand over his mouth, embarrassed at the noise.

Hide pulled his hand away and laced their fingers together. "Let him hear your voice."

Another finger joined with the first, quickly sinking deep into him. His back arched and his knees came together reflexively as he groaned at the stimulation. He quickly pulled his legs apart again and squeezed Hides' hand, urging him to continue.

Hide worked him open slowly, teasing his prostate all the while.

By the time he added a third finger Kaneki was a mess, gasping in every breath and thrusting his hips into the air, desperately wanting contact.

"H-Hide, please, _Hide._ "

The fingers left him and he instantly missed their warm stretch.

"Kaneki, get off the bed."

Hide slid himself to the edge of the bed and stood up, glancing at Tsukiyama shyly before stripping off his pants. Kaneki sat up, his head feeling light. He had honestly forgotten about Tsukiyama for a second. He glanced over and saw that he had moved from his relaxed position in the chair to the edge of it, visibly erect in his slacks. Cold excitement ran through him at the sight. It was thrilling to know that just watching them could put him in such a state.

Kanekis' limbs felt like rubber as he climbed from the bed, not sure what Hide had in mind. He covered himself with his hands and refused to look at Tsukiyama, instead watching as Hide situated himself on the edge of the bed, pumping his cock a few times to spread the precome down the length of himself.

"Ok, now sit in my lap."

Something about Hide taking control and telling him what to do was both liberating and erotic. He went to sit down so they were facing each other but Hide shook his head and grabbed his waist, turning him around.

"Like this, so Tsukiyama can see all of you."

Oh. Well that would certainly give Tsukiyama a full view of everything.

His mouth felt dry as he held Hides' hands with his own trembling ones and got his legs onto the bed so that Hides' legs were between his spread thighs. Hide breathed hotly on his back before his tongue came out and ran along his shoulder blade. Kaneki shut his eyes and tried to focus on the sensation, willing his nerves away unsuccessfully.

He raised himself and felt Hide position himself at his entrance, the head already pushing insistently against the ring of muscle.

He lowered down, relishing the feeling of being pried open from the inside. He sighed out a moan and his eyes flickered open, unconsciously looking to Tsukiyama. His eyes were fixed to him, drinking in everything before him with parted lips, his hand rubbing along his clothed length slowly. Kaneki breathed in deeply and under the thick smell of Hides' arousal, he could smell a lower scent that was the same, yet slightly different. He knew instinctively that it was Tsukiyama, the scent of his excitement.

He let out a sharp gasp and shut his eyes again as he began riding Hide. Tsukiyama was touching himself while watching them do this, it was almost too much for his brain to take in.

Hide was breathing low moans against his back, his steadying hands on Kanekis' chest running over his flushed skin. It felt like both of them were fucking him simultaneously.

He heard a low moan from across the room and opened his eyes suddenly. Tsukiyama had his bottom lip snagged between his teeth, his hips grinding into his palm. Kaneki could feel himself tighten around Hide and he began to practically bounce in Hides' lap, riding him quickly. His swollen cock was swaying enough to fling the precome from his steadily leaking tip. Hide tightened his grip on him, afraid he might fall off with his enthusiasm.

"D-don't tighten like that K-Kaneki, Kaneki!" Hide bit weakly into his back and released hotly into him.

 _Not yet, I'm so close, not yet_ -

He tried moving again but Hide held him tightly and gasped. "Ah, wait, don't, it's sensitive..."

His softening cock slipped out of him wetly and Kaneki almost felt insane with how close he was. He panted heavily, suddenly becoming aware of how slick his skin was with sweat. A soft kiss was placed on his shoulder before Hide brought his mouth to his ear.

"You can...with Tsukiyama, if you want."

He nearly stumbled off the bed as Hide helped him out of his position and back onto the bed.

"Ts-Tsukiyama, please..."

Tsukiyama stood up, looking almost savage with his glistening kakugan. "Are you sure it is alright?"

Kaneki nodded, spreading his legs on the sheet, not caring about modesty at this point. "Please."

Tsukiyama looked to Hide, seeming wanting his approval as well. Hide nodded, rubbing Kanekis' thigh lovingly.

That was all he needed for him to cross the room and climb onto the bed lithely. He kissed the top of Kanekis' foot, his shin, his knee. Kaneki was expecting another kiss on his thigh as he brushed his lips over the skin but was surprised when he bit in deeply.

"Ah!" Something akin to a yell slowly melted into a low mewl and he felt his body shudder.

Hide started, looking worried. "N-not so hard, don't hurt him!"

Kaneki didn't mind, but in his pleasure-ridden mind he vaguely felt appreciation for Hides' concern.

"Sorry..." His tongue went over the bitemark soothingly before he pulled away, his eyes meeting with him. "Are you okay, Kaneki?"

He nodded, not trusting his voice. The fact that Tsukiyama had dropped the 'kun' from his name wasn't lost on him.

"Would you be willing to get on your hands and knees for me?"

He nodded again, shakily getting up and getting in position with Hides' help.

He felt Tsukiyama spread his ass open and he bit his lip to stop from making a noise.

"Nagachika, look, he is already tightening back up after taking you."

He felt Hide shift as he looked. Evidently he did still have some modesty left in him, feeling himself flush at the comment and at them staring so intently.

A kiss was placed on his ass cheek and he clenched at the unexpected sensation, feeling horrified as he felt something hot leak out of him.

"Ah, you're leaking Nagachikas' cum, there must be quite a bit..."

Kaneki hung his head, his arms feeling like they might not support his weight. It was humiliating, but Kaneki found himself leaning forward slightly on his arms, spreading himself open further. The hotness crept down, down, until he felt it trickling onto his balls. Hide made a small noise in the back of his throat.

"F-fuck, that's hot."

Tsukiyama hummed agreement and suddenly he felt hot slickness against his balls. Was that his tongue? Kaneki gasped as he felt hot breath accompanying that wet heat, trailing up, following the trickle to it's source.

He felt himself clench again as Tsukiyamas' tongue got to his hole. He couldn't actually be doing this, not in a hundred years had he expected something like this. He felt soft lips press against the tender skin and a light pulling as he sucked wetly at his hole. He gasped at the foreign sensation and was shocked as he felt himself press into it. A rough palm ran up his back and he arched into it, gasping as he felt Tsukiyamas' slick tongue press into him.

"Does it feel good, Kaneki?" Hide ran his hand down the length of his back before bringing it back up.

"Y-yes."

Tsukiyama groaned lowly and wiggled his tongue in further, his nose pressed roughly into him.

Kaneki began rocking against Tsukiyamas' face, gasping and moaning with every small movement inside him, his leaking cock darkening the sheets beneath him.

The warmth was pulled away all too soon and Kaneki made a small needy noise, leaning back further, searching for it.

"Please, Kaneki, on your back." Tsukiyama panted, his nails digging into his thighs before pulling away.

He complied immediately, settling onto the sheets as Tsukiyama undid his pants and wiggled out of them. Hide scooted close to Kaneki and kissed his raised thigh absently, watching as Tsukiyama freed his cock.

"Woah, you're big."

Kaneki tilted his head up to see and saw that he indeed was, having at least an inch on Hide, with a girth about double of him. Hide reached out and thought better of it, his hand hesitating halfway.

"You can touch me, Nagachika."

Hide exhaled shakily and brought his hand the rest of the way to him, letting his hand wrap loosely around the base. Kaneki watched as his hand tightened it's grip lightly, his fingers barely being able to touch each other around him. Tsukiyama sighed at the sensation, his swollen red tip slickening with precome. Hide used his other hand to cup his heavy balls, rolling them around in his palm.

"You're completely shaved." he commented offhandedly, his hand running up the length and feeling his head.

"Ah, does that bother you?"

Watching Hide explore Tsukiyama like that made Kaneki squirm against the sheets and Hide shook his head, letting him go.

"Not bothered, just thought it was interesting."

He pulled up Tsukiyamas' shirt and he raised his arms, letting it be taken from him. Kaneki thought how wonderful the colors of his body were together, the paleness of his skin, the purple hair, the pink of his small hard nipples, the flushed skin of his cock, it was all beautiful. Hide seemed to think so too, silently letting his eyes inch over him.

He turned to Kaneki and smiled, moving close to him and leaning down to lock him in a kiss.

"Are you ready?"

Kaneki nodded. "Yeah."

He brushed the sweaty hair from Kanekis' forehead and looked back at Tsukiyama. "Take it slow at first, let him get used to your size, okay?"

"Of course." Tsukiyama positioned himself between Kanekis' thighs, leading himself to his entrance. "Please tell me if you need me to stop."

Kaneki nodded again, getting impatient. He could see Tsukiyama hold in his breath as he pressed himself forward.

He felt himself stretch open as wild heat entered him, every slow centimeter burning him deeply, filling him completely. He could feel his mouth open but no sound came, a silent protest against the girth that was invading him. Hide leaned down and littered his skin with kisses, his hand rubbing his chest comfortingly.

"Are you okay, is it too much?" He kissed his lips, looking down worriedly at him. "Tsukiyama, stop for a second."

He heard Tsukiyama let out a shaky breath as he stilled his movements. Hearing him reminded Kaneki to breathe and he sucked in air, his silence broken by a low groan.

"Kaneki, do you want to stop?" He looked hazily up into his brown eyes, shining with concern.

"I'm f-fine, stop worrying." He managed, giving Hide a smile.

Hide leaned back and nodded at Tsukiyama, who bit his lip and continued his slow push in. That spot was brushed and he felt himself tighten painfully around Tsukiyama as a desperate moan tore from him. This was it, what he had been waiting for.

Tsukiyama gasped, his nails digging into his hips. "So tight, Kaneki..."

Hide had a steadying hand on his stomach, leaning to watch just as Tsukiyamas' hips pressed into him, completely sheathed inside. His prostate was being pressed down, an intoxicating mixture of pain and pleasure buzzing through him.

"Kaneki, are you ready for me to move?" His composed voice sounded strained, on the verge of crumbling.

"Yes." He gasped, wanting nothing more than for him to do just that.

"Look how open you have him." Hide mumbled in wonder as Tsukiyama pulled out slowly.

He pushed back in immediately, a raw noise tearing from his throat as Kaneki tightened around the intrusion. He didn't know how much of this he could take, the pain was so acute, the pleasure coating over it in thin sugary waves.

He opened his eyes blearily as the movements suddenly stopped. Hide and Tsukiyama were kissing, their pink tongues peeking out from around their lips. The wet sounds they were making between them was unbearably erotic, he thought he could come just from the sight and the sound. He noticed that Hide was hard again. Just what was that boy made of?

Tsukiyama pulled out and plunged in again without warning, and that was his limit. He felt himself spasm around the length inside him and he came, his vision seeming to blink out temporarily as a sound that was nearly a sob left him. He felt Hides' familiar hand find his own and he squeezed it as his legs tightened around Tsukiyamas' waist.

His muscles began to loosen and he slumped into the sheets, feeling completely used up as Tsukiyama pulled out of him completely. Hide leaned down and kissed his neck, but he barely had the energy to respond.

"Did it feel good, Kaneki? You looked so beautiful." He murmured aimlessly against his skin, his hands roaming over him.

Kaneki hummed sleepily, nuzzling into his hand as it cupped his face. Hide smiled down at him and kissed the tip of his nose.

Something hot and slick ran up his stomach and he raised his head curiously. Tsukiyama was lapping at the mess on his abdomen. He felt his wet length press into his leg and Tsukiyama moaned a hot exhale onto his sweat-chilled skin as he began grinding slowly against him. He felt interest prickle his skin but he pushed it down swiftly as he ran his fingers through Tsukiyamas' soft hair. Any more action and he might just fall over dead.

He snaked his free hand between Hides' legs and grabbed his erection, still slick from earlier, and rubbed him a few times. " _How_."

Hide gasped at the stimulation, smiling. "What do you expect when I'm presented with two gorgeous guys?"

Tsukiyama looked up as they spoke, having cleaned Kanekis' stomach. His darkened eyes glittered as he licked his lips, watching as Kanekis' hand lazily stroked Hide.

"Nagachika, would you like to play some more?"

Hide swallowed and glanced at Kaneki quickly. "Yeah..."

Tsukiyama picked up on his uneasiness. "Please do not feel as if you must." His hand brushed Kanekis' thigh softly before he sat himself up, quickly regaining his composure, though the illusion of calmness was slightly ruined by his loose hair and shallow breaths. And of course the thing between his legs, obviously begging for attention.

Hide shook his head quickly. "No! No, I want to, it's just..." A mixture of embarrassment and guilt crossed his face. "I've never had someone...um, I don't think I'm ready just yet to..." He huffed, seeming aggravated at his own nerves. He shook his head again, as if trying to shake them away. He spoke lowly, almost to the point he couldn't hear him. "I've never bottomed before."

Tsukiyamas' lips curled into a smile. "That is fine, I was hoping you would fuck me."

Hides' chest hitched and Kaneki could feel him pulse warmly in his hand. Tsukiyama leaned across Kaneki and kissed him, his tongue meeting Hide before his lips. Hide opened his mouth with no resistance and moaned as their tongues slid against each other.

Tsukiyama pulled away, bringing Hides' bottom lip with him, stretching it slightly before letting go.

"Would you like to fuck me, Nagachika?"

"Yes." The answer came out in a hiss, dark lust flashing in his eyes.

Kaneki sat up groggily as Tsukiyama rested his weight on his elbows, raising his ass up just as Hide made his way over to him, running his hand down the arch of his back. The side view of Tsukiyama in such a position was quite beautiful, his body looking lithe and full of power. He reminded Kaneki of a jungle cat, ferocious yet full of a certain, silent grace. Hides' tanned skin was a gorgeous contrast against him, and not for the first time he thought how good they seemed together, both aesthetically and personality wise.

"I don't have anything to prepare you with." Hide breathed, his hands exploring his back, his sides, anything that he could reach.

"Don't need it." Tsukiyama panted, clearly impatient.

"Yes you do, no exceptions." He was very adamant on the point.

Kaneki remembered that the lotion was on the bed. He moved the sheets around and found it quickly, tossing it over to them. Hide shot him a grateful smile and snapped it open, coating his fingers swiftly. Kaneki watched as Hide brought his finger to him and pushed it forward slowly. Tsukiyama growled lowly and forced his hips back into it, clearly wanting more than what Hide was offering. It was vaguely disappointing that the angle he had didn't allow him to see Hides' finger disappearing inside him, and he thought about moving for a better view but decided against it. He liked being able to see both of their faces, even if just from the side.

He could see Hide moving his hand around, and guessed he had added another finger by the small happy noise Tsukiyama made. He fucked himself on the fingers inside him, his back muscles bunching as he leaned back and loosening as he leaned forward. Hide adjusted his hand again and Tsukiyama groaned as he leaned into it. Was he taking three fingers now? Kaneki could feel his cock twitch weakly but he didn't harden, his stamina truly at it's limit.

Hide let Tsukiyama lean into his fingers a few times before grabbing his hip tightly, forcing him to come to a stop. His fingers came out with a wet noise and he quickly grabbed his erection and aligned himself.

He pushed in swiftly, causing both of them to gasp and Tsukiyamas' heavily hanging cock dumped precome between his thighs.

Hide exhaled heavily as his hips began to move, setting a steady rhythm.

"Harder." Tsukiyama begged, his panting voice sounding like nothing Kaneki had ever heard from him. "Fuck me harder Nagachika."

He watched as the muscles in Hides' arms tightened, his fingers digging into Tsukiyamas' waist. Hide snapped his hips forward, the resounding smack loud in the room.

"Yes, ah, harder, like that." Tsukiyama was moaning aimlessly as Hide started gasping, his body moving roughly into him.

Tsukiyama hung his head, his hair swinging limply in time with Hides' thrusts, his eyes screwed shut. "Harder, harder, Nagachika, yes!"

Hide was making small noises every time they hit together, the force behind his movements becoming almost brutal. Their skin was shining with sweat, the small peak of Hides' length dissappearing almost as soon as it was visible, Tsukiyamas' cock swaying roughly with every movement and his thighs jiggling just the slightest whenever Hide smacked into him. It seemed almost animalistic to Kaneki and he found himself rubbing himself even though his cock was sore and unresponsive.

Hide leaned over Tsukiyama, his breathing harsh as his thrusts became erratic. He pried a hand from Tsukiyamas' hip and brought it around him, grabbing his cock and stroking it fast and tight.

Tsukiyamas' moans were raising in pitch, coming in shorter and shorter intervals and suddenly every muscle in his body tightened, his cock spilling thickly onto the sheets. Hide groaned and his hips stilled, the muscles visible below his bandage twitching minutely.

He kissed Tsukiyamas' back tenderly as his cock limply slipped out of him. Tsukiyama fell ungracefully on his side, trying to catch his breath. Hide leaned back, his chest rising and falling quickly as he tried to do the same.

"You okay, Tsukiyama?"

"Oui."

Hide turned to him. "You okay, Kaneki?"

"Yeah."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, a tired smile on his lips. "Okay, good."

He inched forward and flopped down next to Kaneki, wrapping his arm around his stomach and bringing him into a laying down position with him, cuddling into his side warmly. "I'm gonna take a nap."

Kaneki hummed in agreement, his eyes already closing. He could feel Tsukiyama shifting on the bed.

"Thank you for inviting me."

Hide raised his head. "Where are you going? Come take a nap with us." He reached over Kaneki and patted next to him.

A few hesitant seconds of silence passed before Kaneki felt the bed shifting again, and the he felt warmth on his other side as Tsukiyama pressed into him. His arm snaked around his waist, right below Hides'.


	14. A Happy Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki receives a phone call, and the three of them discuss the rules of their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. (well, it was less than two weeks but still). My charger stopped working and I had to wait for the new one in the mail.  
> ALSO there's [a playlist for the story!](http://8tracks.com/mondaymoon/feathers-thorns)

The house had been dusted, wiped, swept, mopped, and everything in between. He was sore from yesterday but he paid it no mind, working methodically through every room in the house, keeping himself as busy as possible.

They had taken Hides' bandage off that morning, the cut now just a jagged line, raw pink and tender. Hide had been thrilled to be free of the white gauze, declaring he would go swimming no matter how cold the water. Kaneki wiped his brow and looked out the window, watching their distant figures. Tsukiyama was lounging in one of the chairs as Hide ran at the waves, jumping and trying to get his head over them as they crashed over him. Tsukiyama put his book down and seemed to yell something at Hide, who waved and said something back. Kaneki laughed to himself, watching the two of them. He felt unbelievably lucky, having two people that were so wonderful in every way in his life.

He was lost in thought when his phone rang. His heart immediately sped up and he dug in his pocket with a trembling hand.

It was Touka.

He let out a steadying exhale before answering.

"...Hello?"

"Hey idiot."

He laughed, relief washing over him as he heard her voice. "Touka-chan, you're okay."

"Yeah, Hinami and I just got back." He could hear her hesitate. "Yoshimura-san, he already told us about...everything."

Hide splashed water at Tsukiyama, startling him and making him overturn his chair and fall into the sand. Kaneki sighed.

"Are the things out already?"

"Yeah, Yomo just took care of it."

"How did Hinami-chan handle it?"

He could hear the smile in her voice. "She's a tough one, but that's not really anything new."

He laughed lightly. "That's true." He leaned against the wall. "Have you tried a plum yet?"

Touka made a fake gagging noise. "I did. What a mistake."

Kaneki laughed again, sliding down the wall until he was sitting. "But besides that, how has it been?"

Touka hummed thoughtfully. "I feel like a weakling. But I think ramen makes it worth it."

He grinned, realizing just how much he had missed her. "You and Hinami-chan should try Big Girls, I'm sure you'd like it." His smile faltered. They probably wouldn't have a chance to eat at the one Hide and him went to. "...Do you know when you'll be leaving?"

"Soon. I just got off the phone with Yoriko, she's gonna stop by and then we'll be off."

He hesitated, not sure if he should ask but deciding to do it anyways. "Does she know?"

"No."

"Are you gonna tell her?"

He could hear her scoff. "Of course! The whole point of this is that I don't have to hide anymore. At least not from her."

Her words hung heavy over the silent line. The importance of stopping all of this hit him again. He didn't want Touka to have to hide, or Hinami, or anyone.

"You won't have to hide for much longer, I promise."

Touka snorted. "Why, are you gonna do something?"

He said nothing.

"Kaneki..." Her voice was low, warning. "You aren't planning something stupid, are you?"

He sighed. "I haven't thought of anything yet. But something has to be done."

"Kaneki, you listen to me. It's not your place to do something. It's just the way things are. It's shitty, but that's nothing new."

He knew he shouldn't have brought up his intentions, but he had been caught up in the moment and wanted to reassure her. He nodded his head. "Sorry, I know. I just got carried away, I guess. I'm not gonna do anything."

The line was silent again. They both knew that wasn't the case. He switched the subject, trying to avoid more scolding. "H-hey, is Hinami-chan around? Can I talk to her?"

Touka seemed reluctant to give up just yet but she finally sighed. "Yeah, gimme a second."

He listened as she called for Hinami. There was a few seconds of rustling before a happy voice spoke.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Hinami-chan."

He heard her inhale excitedly. "Kaneki-nii!"

He smiled at the name. "How're you feeling?"

"Sleepy." As if to prove her point, he heard her yawn. "I might nap on the train."

"Make sure to bring a book just in case you can't get to sleep."

"I will."

His eyes burned and he blinked rapidly, trying to dispel the feeling. "So what's your favorite thing you've tasted?"

"Peanuts!" She answered without hesitation.

He let out a surprised laugh, the tears that had been clouding his eyes running down his cheeks. "Peanuts, really?"

"They're good!" She said, her voice sulky.

He laughed again. "They are. Next time I see you, I'll bring you a big bag of peanuts, okay?"

"When will I see you?" '

Kaneki bit his trembling lip and fought to keep his throat from constricting. "As soon as I can. Until then, be good, okay?"

"Sure thing!" She said in a sing song voice. "Want to talk to Touka-nee?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself to smile, hoping it showed through his voice. "Actually, I have to go. You two have a good trip. Call me when you get to where you're going, okay?"

"Okay. Talk to you soon!"

He pressed end without saying goodbye. He didn't think he could. He wrapped his arms around his legs and leaned his head against the wall.

He felt homesick. They had been his family for such a short time, but he missed them. But even if he hopped on the next train, by the time he got to Anteiku they would be gone. He wiped his tears on his sleeve roughly, aggravated at himself.

Things couldn't stay the same, that's just how it was.

 _Just be happy they are safe_. Scolding himself made him feel a little better, oddly.

He picked himself up off the ground and made his way to the kitchen to prepare some lunch for Hide.

~~~~~

They all sat around the kitchen island sipping coffee.

Tsukiyama clicked his teeth together unhappily. "Even after brushing my teeth, I still feel sand in my mouth."

Hide took a drink, his eyes wide and innocent.

Kaneki leaned his head on his hand, smiling. "Aw, you can't be mad at him when he makes that face."

Hide nodded his head. "It's true." He pouted his lip for emphasis and Tsukiyama sucked his teeth but he was smiling too.

"You are truly unbelievable, Nagachika."

"I know." Kaneki laughed before finishing off his drink. He got up and poured himself more. "Touka called. Everything went smoothly." He had a feeling they already knew, considering how the atmosphere between them all was much lighter than it had been all day, but he thought he should say so anyways. His back was turned, but he could hear the happiness in Hides' voice.

"Ah, that's such a relief."

"They will not be staying at Anteiku, I imagine?"

Kaneki put the pot back on the burner and blew on his cup, still with his back turned. "They're going to stay somewhere else. I didn't ask where."

"If the manager is handling affairs, I have no doubt they will be safe."

Kaneki smiled and finally faced them. "Yeah."

He went to sit back down but Hide snagged him and pulled him into his lap, almost spilling his coffee. Hide kissed his cheek with a loud smack and wrapped his arms around his waist tightly. "Sounds to me like a celebration is in order."

He relaxed back into him. "What do you have in mind?"

"I think you know exactly what I have in mind." The words vibrated into Kanekis' back pleasantly.

Tsukiyama was watching them with an amused smile but he seemed to remember something. "I forgot to tell you, I have some personal lubricant in my room, you are more than free to use it."

"You know when Hide said we should celebrate, that included you."

Hide nodded confirmation and Kaneki watched with amusement as Tsukiyamas' eyes widened just the slightest. He regained his cool deameanor and took a sip of his coffee.

"I had assumed it was just a one-time sort of thing."

"Did you want it to just be a one-time thing?" Hide asked, his hair tickling Kanekis' neck as he moved his head next to his.

Tsukiyama shook his head. "I just accepted it at face value, I did not want to get my hopes up." He smiled, and Kaneki couldn't help but return it, knowing Hide was doing the same.

"We both like you, and like spending time with you." Hide said simply.

He could see his throat work before he looked down into his coffee. "I see."

It was funny, Tsukiyama was the type of person that exuded confidence, who flirted as easily as he breathed, but when the tables were turned, he didn't know what to do. It was endearing, and it made his heart hurt a little, but mostly it made Kaneki feel love for him. Hide sighed into his hair, and Kaneki wondered if he was having similar thoughts.

Tsukiyama looked up, folding his hands in front of him. "If that is the case, we may want to establish rules."

"Rules?" Kaneki asked curiously.

"Things we can and cannot do. Or things that make you uncomfortable."

Nothing particularly came to his mind about himself, but he could think of one thing that he wouldn't like. "No biting Hide. Either of us."

Tsukiyama nodded his head understandingly. "Okay. Anything else?" He switched his gaze to Hide. "How about you?"

"Hmm, I can't think of anything right now."

Kaneki placed his hands over Hides', letting his fingers run over his knuckles. "Is there anything you want to add, Tsukiyama?"

His lips curled into a smile. "Absolutely nothing."

Kaneki felt a shiver run through him, and Hide shifted beneath him, speaking up. "We should have a safeword, don't you think? Like it might seem overboard, but..." He trailed off, sounding unsure of himself.

"That is a very good idea." Tsukiyama encouraged.

He felt dumb. He didn't know what a safeword was, but in context, he figured he could make a guess. "You mean, like a password?"

The laugh Hide gave rumbled in his spine and tickled his neck. "Something like that, yeah. If you feel uncomfortable or scared or anything, you say the word and we stop, it's that simple." Hide hummed thoughtfully. "What word should we use?"

Silence fell between them. Kaneki tried thinking of something, but it seemed like every word that came to mind was wrong for the situation.

"Daffodil." Tsukiyama said resolutely.

A few more beats of silence.

"Daffodil? Like the flower?" Hide asked, surprised.

"Yes."

Kaneki felt Hide shrug. "It's as good a word as any."

Kaneki looked intently at Tsukiyama, trying to see something, anything in his face. It had to hold some meaning, some significance to him. Why else would he suggest it for such an important thing?

Tsukiyama leaned forward, the movement drawing Kaneki from his thoughts. "I was wondering, how do you two feel about toys?"

"We've um, never used any." Hide said, shifting in the seat again. "At least not together."

Kaneki furrowed his brow curiously, though Hide couldn't see him. "But you've used one before?"

"I have a fleshlight."

His mind immediately went to thoughts of Hide laying in his bedroom back in Tokyo, sliding the toy up and down himself. Kaneki fought to keep his breaths even, knowing Hide would feel any changes.

"What about handcuffs, or any sort of restraints?" Tsukiyama asked conversationally.

"Yes." He replied too fast, with a voice that was perhaps a little too breathy. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I m-mean, that would be fun, I think."

"Kaneki..." Hide breathed hotly onto his neck, his hands tightening around him. "You're a lot less innocent than you let on."

He flushed, adjusting himself in Hides' lap, shocked to feel that Hide was hard. How long had he been like that? Well, he didn't really have much room to talk, he was quickly reaching the same state.

Tsukiyama smiled, his kakugan flashing for a moment before he blinked them away. Kaneki wondered if his own eye was changed right now.

"What about paddling?"

Kaneki wanted to squirm in Hides' lap but he fought the urge. His breathing was definitely not normal now. "I w-wouldn't mind that."

"Neither would I." Hide said lowly against Kanekis' neck.

"Cock rings?"

"Do you just _have_ all this stuff?" Hide asked, awed.

"Of course not, I was planning on shopping online tonight."

Something about Tsukiyama sitting at a computer was funny to think about, even more absurd when you added in the thought of him shopping for sex toys.

Hide moved quickly, putting an arm underneath his legs and turning him, his other arm now on his back.

"What are y- ah!"

Hide stood, holding him princess style. Kaneki held his neck tight, scared of falling. "H-Hide!"

"I don't know about you two, but I'm ready to celebrate!" Kaneki laughed as Hide kissed the tip of his nose.

"You're so ridiculous."

Tsukiyama stood, his face stern. "Nagachika, please don't overexert yourself, your wound is still healing."

Kaneki suddenly felt guilty. He had honestly forgotten for a second. Kaneki wiggled in his arms, finally getting him to put him down.

Hide looked mock-offended. "Are you calling Kaneki fat?" He looked at Kaneki. "He just called you fat."

"You should beat him up for me, Hide."

"Are you kidding me? Have you seen those arms? I'd be knocked down in two seconds flat."

Tsukiyama blushed at the comment, ushering them out of the kitchen. "Honestly, you two..."

Kaneki and Hide laughed at his flustered words.

~~~

Even with Tsukiyama consciously trying not to make him sway, he still did, his teeth scraping against Hide despite his best efforts. Hide didn't seem to mind, on the contrary, his body would jolt at every contact, rewarding Kaneki with a hot dribble of precome.

The taste and feel of Hide on his tongue, combined with the rough burn and thick pleasure of Tsukiyama taking him from behind made quick work of him reaching orgasm. Hide and Tsukiyama followed soon after, one after the other, and they all collapsed in a sweaty heap, holding each other close. Hide, snuggled in the middle of them, drifted off to sleep within minutes. It was a habit that Kaneki found preciously endearing.

He brushed his hair away and kissed his forehead, the tip of his nose, his chin. Hide stirred briefly but didn't wake.

"With such an explosive personality, one does not have a chance to fully admire Nagachikas' looks." Tsukiyama whispered, propping himself up on an arm and looking down at the sleeping figure. "He reminds me of a hummingbird. Always flitting about, but when he finally stops, you see just how beautiful he is."

Kaneki knew exactly what he meant. He ran his fingers over the spatter of freckles on his shoulder, then over his broad yet boyish chest, trailing down until he felt the sunken skin that felt incredibly fragile under his touch. He traced the scar, branding the feeling into his mind. He wouldn't let something like that happen to him again. Tsukiyama watched the progression of his hand.

"But, he is not as fragile as a hummingbird."

Kaneki flinched, surprised at how close his words dealt with his thoughts. Their eyes met and Tsukiyama smiled at him.

They stared at each other silently. After a few moments Tsukiyama sighed and looked back down at Hide.

"I...care for him as well." He laughed quietly to himself, letting his hand rest lightly on Hides' chest. "It is amazing to think that only a short time ago, you were just a meal to me, Kaneki. And he, _he_ could have been another meal. But now..."

His hand slid down Hides' chest and met with the tips of Kanekis' fingers, and they seemed to entwine instinctively. Kaneki looked down at their hands, joined together over Hides' scar.


	15. A Trip Into Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki makes a mistake, and the boys go into town

A phone was ringing.

_Touka, it's Touka, something's wrong, oh god something's wrong-_

Kaneki sat up, panic chilling him as he looked around. Hide was already digging through the pile of discarded clothes at the foot of the bed.

"It's mine." He declared sleepily, holding up his phone. He pressed a button and held it to his ear. "Hello?"

His eyes widened, his back straightening as he listened. "Yes, this is Nagachika."

His voice was completely awake now, as he paced a few steps away. "Yes, any time would be fine." He nodded as he listened.

Kaneki rubbed at his eyes and looked over at Tsukiyama, who was usually out of bed before both of them. He blinked blearily up at Kaneki and mouthed "Who is it?" before stretching into a yawn.

"I don't know" He mouthed back, looking back at Hide as he spoke again.

"Of course. I look forward to meeting you, Yaga-san. Thank you."

He ended the call and and turned to Kaneki with a wide grin. "So guess who's an intern for the CCG?"

"No way."

"Yes way! Well I mean, I have to go to the interview this Friday, but come on, who wouldn't want me to make copies and get coffee for them?"

Kaneki rolled his eyes. "Well if you go dressed like that..."

Hide looked down and seemed to only just then realize he was completely naked. He struck a pose, his hands on his hips. "What do you mean? This is my selling point!"

Kaneki laughed, even though his heart felt heavy. He hadn't admitted it to himself, but he had hoped deep down that the internship had been filled. He knew that this was the best shot they had, but putting Hide on the line like that...

Tsukiyama groaned sleepily. "Nagachika, come back, I'm cold."

Hide laughed, crawling back in betwen them. "What am I, a personal heater?"

"Yes." They both replied together, snuggling into Hide.

Even from under the blanket, Kaneki could smell the distinct scent of Hides' arousal.

"Not right now." He said tiredly, resting his head on Hides' chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart.

"What?"

"We're not doing it right now. I'm still sleepy."

"I didn't say we should."

"No, but I can smell that you want to."

Hide spluttered. "W-what?"

Tsukiyama hummed into the nook between Hides' neck and shoulder. "I can smell it too. Nagachika, you are truly insatiable."

Kaneki watched as Tsukiyamas' hand snaked down and grabbed him, making Hide gasp lowly.

"You don't have to, it'll go away eventually."

He heard the wet sound of Tsukiyama sucking at Hides' neck. "I would never be so wasteful."

With that, he ducked under the blanket, situating himself between Hides' thighs. Hides' eyes fluttered closed as the blanket began shifting and moist sucking noises could be heard. The urge to see Tsukiyama with his mouth around Hide was strong, but he resisted. Besides, he had plenty to watch.

Hide snagged his bottom lip between his teeth and groaned, his eyelashes dark against his cheeks. Kaneki ran his hand over Hides' chest and settled his fingers around one of his small hard nipples. He pinched it playfully and Hide gasped, his eyes opening and locking onto him.

So much for not being in the mood.

Tsukiyama seemed to notice his arousal immediately, one of his soft hands grasping him from under the blanket.

He shuddered at the touch and brought his mouth to Hides' other nipple, pressing and rolling it with his tongue as Tsukiyamas' hand began pumping his cock. He could feel Hides' heart beating intoxicatingly under his tongue and fought back the desire to bite him as he swallowed the drool that had pooled in his mouth.

He pinched Hides' nipple roughly, twisting it just a bit and was rewarded with a tight moan as Hide's body stiffened.

The sudden smell of cum made him react involuntarily. He pulled the blanket back swiftly and Tsukiyama squinted against the light but that's all Kaneki had the time to notice because he was instantly at his mouth, his tongue greedily pressing against his lips, still wrapped around Hides' cock.

Tsukiyama seemed to understand what he wanted and skillfully moved his lips from around Hide to Kanekis' mouth without hesitation, the contents in his mouth warmly sitting on his tongue. Kaneki gratefully lapped at the wet mixture of cum and saliva, his head dizzy with the two two strong tastes.

Tsukiyamas' hand began moving on him again and he groaned at the combination of taste and touch.

 _More_ , his mind begged, _I need more_.

He instinctively bit Tsukiyamas' tongue, causing him to flinch and he felt warmth flood his mouth as the achingly sweet taste of blood assaulted him.

Fuck.

He pulled back, panic wracking through him as he realized what he had just done.

"Shit, is that blood?" Hide sat up and looked between the two of them frantically, not sure who was hurt.

Guilt welled up inside him but even still he felt his tongue run over the blood dribbling from his lips as his stomach growled hungrily.

Tsukiyama quickly wiped at the blood on his mouth, waving his other hand in front of him. "It is fine, I've already healed."

Kaneki felt sick. He needed to leave, he couldn't be around them, he should have known he couldn't do these things-

Warm arms wrapped around him, causing him to tense up.

"Please, the look on your face hurts my heart."

Kaneki wanted to break away from him, but the desire left him almost as quickly as it came.

"When is the last time you ate, Kaneki?"

Tsukiyamas' voice was low and soothing, and Kaneki found himself relaxing just the slightest.

"I'm so sorry."

The words sounded hollow to him and he knew that they couldn't fix anything. It had already been done, and nothing could take it back or make it better. Over the past few days, he had almost felt like he was normal again, but now that illusion had been ripped away. He felt incredibly stupid for thinking he was anything other than what he was.

He pulled away from Tsukiyama and climbed out of bed.

"Kaneki..." Hides' voice sounded unsure, and it hurt him more than he could have ever imagined.

"I'm so sorry."

Again with those hollow words, but it seemed to be the only thing he could say.

He pulled on the first pair of pants he found on the floor and left without looking at either of them. His head was swimming, and amidst all the confusion he could almost hear laughter. He had never heard the laugh before, but he knew instantly who it was.

"No." He muttered into the air, letting the word ground him down into the present as his feet carried him away from the bedroom.She was dead, gone, she wasn't here. " _No._ "

"Kaneki?"

" _No!_ "

It took him a second to realize that the voice that had just spoken his name came from behind him and he snapped around to see Tsukiyama staring at him levelly.

"S-sorry." He muttered, instantly regretting raising his voice.

"Do not be."

He guided Kaneki to the kitchen island and pulled a stool out for him to sit, which Kaneki did tiredly.

He watched as Tsukiyama rifled through the fridge and noticed absently that he was wearing the pants that he had first lent him at his apartment.

"You should not feel upset. It's very easy, especially for a ghoul, to get carried away."

Kaneki listened to Tsukiyama working as he looked down at his lap, his hands laying limply on his thighs.

"Besides, it was partly my fault for not asking you when you had eaten last."

A plate was sat in front of him with a neat snap of porcelain on granite. Kaneki looked up at Tsukiyama as he sat himself across from him.

"Certainly poor manners on my part."

Kaneki had to swallow the saliva that was pooling in his mouth at the smell of the meat that was sitting neatly on the plate. "It's not your fault at all." His hands were itching to grab the fork next to him and wolf it down but a sudden flare of anger stopped him. "Why would you even say it was your fault at all? I'm to blame no matter how you put it. I hurt you for no reason, like some sort of monst-"

"Kaneki." Tsukiyamas' voice was low, with an edge of warning. "I will not hear you say such things about yourself."

The tension in the air was disconcerting.

His stomach grumbled and it made Tsukiyama smile, easing the atmosphere.

"Please, eat."

The fork was in his hand almost instantly, shoveling the raw meat into his mouth, ignored blood dribbling down his chin.

"If you think of yourself as a monster, then I can only imagine what you think of me." Tsukiyama rested his head on his hand, watching him with rapt attention.

His plate was already almost cleared, and he could feel his hunger already ebbing. He wiped at his mouth hastily and chewed the flesh in his mouth slowly, collecting the words he wanted to say before swallowing.

"I'm...I'm mad, because I hurt you. And it's like... well, I don't want to hurt anyone, but I especially don't want to hurt the people who are important to me."

He thought briefly of licking the small puddle of blood from the plate but knew he wouldn't, especially in the presence of someone who was so conscientious of etiquette.

"So... I wish you'd stop saying things like that. You make it seem like I don't like you." He set his fork down, refusing to meet his eyes. "The whole reason I'm upset is because I like you and I did that to you."

He put his hands back in his lap and they sat in heavy silence. Sitting across from him, Tsukiyama looked torn with a flurry of emotions, his face stony and unreadable.

"Kaneki...?"

He turned to Hide's voice, who was standing in the hall, looking unsure. He quickly blocked the plate from his view.

"S-sorry about all that."

The worried look on Hides' face melted into a wide grin. "No worries."

The plate on the counter was discreetly taken away by Tsukiyama, who began washing it as Hide plopped into the chair next to Kaneki. He groaned and leaned heavily against him.

"Kanekiiii, we should go somewhere today. All three of us."

Tsukiyama sat the dish in the drainer and dried his hands on a hand towel.

"I have to go into town today to pick up some packages."

Hide sat up, beaming. "Perfect! We can all get out, get some fresh air...it'll be fun!"

Admittedly, he probably needed to get out. It wasn't that he was stir crazy, but it honestly sounded nice, just the three of them together.

"Well in that case, I need a shower."

Kaneki stretched before getting out of his chair, running his hand along Hides' back as he made his way to the hallway.

"Was that an invitation to join you?" Hide called to his retreating back.

Kaneki rolled his eyes and smiled.

~~~~~~~

The walk into town took less than 15 minutes. The only other soul on the street was a fruit vendor who Hide waved to cheerily, who hesitated before nodding curtly in response. Kaneki was surprised they got even that. The community here was small and seemed close knit, a couple of boys from the city were probably very out of place and regarded with suspicion.

"I will catch up with you two shortly, there is something I would like to do." Tsukiyama declared.

"What is it?" Hide asked curiously.

"C'est une surprise! Be patient, you will know soon."

With that he gave a small smile and turned from them, making his way down the street.

Hide grabbed Kanekis' hand and pulled him toward a small shop that simply declared ' _Antiques_ ' on its' sign.

The bell above the door announced their entrance, prompting the shop owner to gaze at them from above the glasses that were perched nearly at the end of his nose. After a few seconds of scrutiny he turned his attention back to the book he had laying on the counter.

He noticed with a blush that they were still holding hands, which might explain the look they got but though he was embarrassed at the open display of affection he couldn't bring himself to pull his hand away.

Seeming to notice his discomfort, Hide squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"Look, there's some books in the back!"

His voice was loud in the small space, and the shop keeper shot them another look, his annoyance clear.

Hide pulled him through one of the narrow aisles, and Kaneki tried to take in all the small knick knacks that lined the shelves as they passed before finally giving up and turning his attention to where they were heading.

The whole back of the store was covered in shelves, with books crammed into every available space. He inhaled deeply, the familiar smell of old ink and aging paper making him feel an odd sense of belonging.

Hide let go of his hand and began running his fingers over the spines, his mouth moving slightly as he read the titles. He watched him for a few moments before turning and looking at what they had.

There was no order the them, all genres and authors and titles were just thrown together. He didn't really mind though, it made it interesting.

After browsing for a few minutes, his eyes fell on a dark green book. The gold lettering on the spine read _'Plant Names and Meanings'_. He pulled it out carefully and looked it over. It was obviously old, the pages were yellowing and the cover was worn.

Hide was coming up to him so he hurriedly glanced at the shelf and pulled two more books, setting them on top of the first.

"Found some interesting stuff?"

"Y-yeah, just some things if I get bored, you know."

Hide looked down at the books in his arms before glancing up at him curiously.

"What?" Kaneki said defensively.

"Nothing, it's just..." Hide grabbed the book on top and held it up. "Is there something you need to tell me?"

The book had a pregnant woman on the cover with the title _'What to Expect When You're Expecting'_.

Kaneki blushed and snatched the book from him. "Shut up."

Hide slung his arm over his shoulders. "Don't be embarrassed, this is great news!" He looked around and leaned over confidentially. "So is it mine or Tsukiyama's?"

Kaneki elbowed him and broke free. "Shut up!"

They both giggled as they both began to the front of the store. He put the books on the counter and paid the owner, who seemed adamant on not talking to them.

A pent up breath left both of them as they left the store.

"He seemed friendly." Hide commented, wrapping an arm around Kaneki's waist comfortably as they made their way down the street.

"He was certainly something."

The walked by a flower shop and Kaneki saw Tsukiyama through the window. He pointed it out to Hide who immediately went to the window and tapped on it, grabbing the attention of Tsukiyama and the cashier. Hide waved enthusiastically as Tsukiyama smiled at both of them and picked up to bundles before making his way to the door.

"Bonsieur."

The closing door behind him pushed the smell of flowers onto the street.

"What were you doing?" Hide looked eagerly at the two bouquets of flowers in his hands.

It was pretty obvious what he had been doing.

Tsukiyama held a bouquet out to each of them. "Something to brighten your rooms."

Hide took the flowers with an excited smile and immediately shoved his face in them, inhaling deeply.

With a blush rising to his cheeks, Kaneki took the other bouquet. He looked at all the flowers, a tasteful blend of purples, pinks and yellows.

"Nagachika, yours is daisies and yellow chrysanthemums, arranged around a dwarf sunflower."

"Wow." Hide said breathlessly, his hand gently running over the petals of the sunflower. Tsukiyama looked immensely pleased at his reaction. He turned his gaze to Kaneki.

"Yours is centarium and mezereon to accent the water lily."

Kaneki looked at the small flowers surrounding the three large water lilies.

"They're beautiful." His voice came out as a whisper. He was afraid to talk any louder, for fear his voice might break. "Th..Thank you."

Shit, his eyes were burning.

Blinking quickly, he cleared his throat and looked away.

"You um, said you had packages to pick up?"

Tsukiyama clapped his hands together. "Oui, I do."

Hide raised his head from his flowers. "What's in the packages?"

Tsukiyama gave a coy smile. "The things we discussed yesterday."

Hide had been about to duck his head back into the petals but he stopped.

"You mean like.... _that_ stuff, you got everything already?"

Obviously pleased, Tsukiyama's smile widened. "Nagachika, one day shipping is a thing, you know."

Hide laughed. "Smartass! But in that case-" He pointed towards the post office with his bouquet, "Let's pick them up and head home!"

Hide grabbed Tsukiyama's hand and drug him forward.

Kaneki hugged his flowers close as he followed behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you're wondering if the flower arrangements have anything to do with Hide and Kaneki:  
> they do. (of course they do, Tsukiyama wouldn't half-ass something like that)


	16. Wednesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and Kaneki decide to let Tsukiyama indulge a few fantasies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is just porn. Literally all just porn. I'm sorry.

As Hide and Kaneki put their flowers in vases, they both agreed to treat Tsukiyama, so the three of them sat down and Hide told him he could do whatever he wanted. Tsukiyama was more than happy with the arrangement, immediately and in detail describing what he wanted.

Kaneki must have looked horrified because Tsukiyama hurriedly dismissed the whole thing, a light blush on his cheeks.

Kaneki quickly tried to fix the situation, hoping he hadn't hurt his feelings, and told both of them that he would watch but he didn't want to participate. Both of them asked again and again if he was really okay with it, and after assuring them again and again, they finally seemed content.

And that's how Kaneki ended up sitting in the chair in his room, waiting with a thrumming heart as Tsukiyama undressed and set his clothes neatly on the edge of the bed. Without a hint of embarrassment, he straightened up and faced Hide, who was fully clothed with a face that was uncharacteristically cold. The look made Kaneki's body simultaneously want to burn up and break out in a chilled sweat.

Tsukiyama stood quietly, his half-erection twitching in anticipation. He had to admit, Hide was excellent at creating a suspenseful atmosphere, it made him hold his breath unconsciously and clench his fists.

"On your knees." Hide's voice rang out in the silent room, as cold as his expression.

The taller man fell to the floor immediately, his head tilting up to look up expectantly.

Hide laughed humorlessly. "You're getting hard already?" A socked foot pressed against Tsukiyama's swelling cock, making him groan and lean his head back further. "You're such a pervert."

Teasingly, Hide ran his foot over his length, dragging small noises from him.

"Pathetic."

Without warning he grabbed a fistful of Tsukiyama's hair and bent his head back. He roughly ran his thumb over Tsukiyama's bottom lip.

"Do you want me to fuck your slutty little mouth, Tsukiyama?"

Panting, Tsukiyama nodded as much as he could in Hide's grip.

Kaneki flinched in surprise as Hide slapped him. The sound was hollow and seemed deafeningly loud in the quiet.

"I asked you a question."

"Yes, please fuck my mouth." He responded immediately, his voice coming out as a low whine.

Kaneki covered his mouth quickly. He had almost protested Hide's action, but he had to remember that it was all an act. Besides, it was clear Tsukiyama was enjoying it, his cock was completely hard, the slit glistening excitedly. This is what he wanted, and Hide was giving it to him.

His eyes were dark as he deftly unfastened his pants with one hand, keeping the other one knotted tightly in Tsukiyama's hair. He pulled his pants down slightly and grabbed his cock, bringing his hips forward to rub the wet tip over Tsukiyama's lips. Tsukiyama's tongue came out and tried to lick at him, but Hide pulled away teasingly, making him groan disappointedly.

"Ah, such a fucking slut. You really want my cock that bad?"

Kaneki bit his bottom lip, his body reacting hotly to Hide's words. Shit, why was he so hard from watching them do this?

Hide brought himself close to Tsukiyama and pulled away again as his tongue came out to try to taste him.

"P-please Nagachika, give me your cock, ah, it smells so good, please, _please_..."

Hide leered down at him, smearing his precome on Tsukiyama's cheek as Kaneki broke into a cold sweat.

"You're so needy." Hide tangled his other hand into Tsukiyama's hair. "Open your mouth."

His jaw stretched open obediently and Hide thrust his cock shallowly between his lips.

"Ah, fuck, such a hot mouth..."

The muscles in Hide's forearms flexed as he held Tsukiyama's head tightly in place and began to push his cock into him.

How far was he going to go? Could Tsukiyama breathe?

His heart pounded as Tsukiyama's bottom lip pressed against Hide's balls. Hide held him like that for a few seconds before exhaling a low sigh and pulling his mouth completely off of him. Tsukiyama's eyes were glassy as he coughed, but he never stopped looking up adoringly at Hide.

Hide waited for him to catch his breath, and Kaneki knew that he was giving Tsukiyama the chance to use the safeword if he needed it. A trail of drool slid down his chin as he opened his mouth again, his tongue reaching out to taste him again.

Hide slid himself back into his mouth and began fucking his throat with shallow thrusts, pulling out after a few seconds that seemed a lot longer than they actually were. Tsukiyama's head pulled against the hands in his hair, not wanting the cock to leave his mouth.

"You love this don't you Tsukiyama, being used like a sex toy."

Tsukiyama's voice was hoarse and labored, but he continued looking at Hide blissfully. "I, ah, love it."

Hide gave a humorless laugh before sliding into Tsukiyama's mouth again.

When he pulled out after a few rough thrusts a thread of saliva connected his cock to Tsukiyama's mouth before breaking. He smirked as he stared down at him, untangling his hands from his hair before squeezing Tsukiyama's cheeks roughly.

"You've made a mess on Kaneki's nice clean floor."

As if to accentuate his point, Tsukiyama's cock twitched and oozed more precome onto the wood.

"Lick it up."

Tsukiyama was immediately on his hands and knees, giving Hide one last heated look before bringing his mouth to the small wet mess. His ass rose in the air as his tongue ran slowly over the wooden floorboards, seeming to savor the action.

Hide pace around him, taking him in from all angles. "Such a filthy slut."

Tsukiyama moaned at the cold words, his heavily hanging dick leaking and making more of a mess.

"Clean it all up, show Kaneki how sorry you are for getting his room dirty."

At the mention of Kaneki, Hide looked up at him and his icy stare instantly melted.

"K-Kaneki, oh god."

What, what was the problem?

Hide rushed over to him, any hint of his cruel persona gone.

"Oh god, shit, I'm so sorry."

Tsukiyama sat up and wiped his mouth, concern clouding his eyes.

He didn't understand what they were both going on about until Hide cupped his face and wiped the wet trails that were running down his cheeks. When had he started crying? Now that he was aware of it, he felt more hot tears leak from his eyes as his chin quivered.

"I'm s-s-sorry." He managed, his voice watery.

Hide wrapped him in a tight embrace. "What? Don't be sorry. We shouldn't have made you watch...shit, I'm so sorry Kaneki."

A warm hand wrapped around his own and he looked up to see Tsukiyama crouching next the the chair, his face etched with worry.

"Kaneki, you should have said something..."

"You b-both were having fun and I didn't want to s-spoil it." His face felt swollen and he knew he must not look too attractive but he couldn't stop crying, the tears just kept coming and he clung to Hide and Tsukiyama, feeling terrible that he had ruined their good time.

"Kaneki, look at me."

Sniffling, he raised his eyes to meet Tsukiyama.

"We don't want to make you uncomfortable. Ever."

Kaneki looked down again. It felt ridiculous being so upset about such a thing, but seeing Hide act so cold and cruel, hearing him say such mean things to Tsukiyama... He didn't like it. What if Tsukiyama was hurt by Hide's words? What if Hide actually hated doing this, but was forcing himself to participate because Kaneki had chickened out and he didn't want to disappoint Tsukiyama?

He didn't like any of it at all.

Hide squeezed him tightly before pulling away and cupping his tear stained face in his big rough palms. He peppered his face with kisses, leaving no area untouched.

"Kaneki, Kaneki..." He whispered his name between each small touch of lips.

Tsukiyama settled more comfortably on the floor and rested his head in Kaneki's lap, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on his hand.

The odd tight feeling in his chest slowly subsided, replaced by the warmth of the two people who cared so much for him. His tears dried up and his breathing became relaxed.

He took one last deep breath to expel the rest of his shaky feelings and smiled gratefully.

"I'm really sorry."

Untangling his fingers from Tsukiyama's, he nudged both of them so he could stand. Hide and Tsukiyama looked at him and he felt a rush of raw emotion. It hit him like a hot crashing wave and made his knees feel weak and his chest ache.

What was this?

He cleared his throat and pulled at the hem of his shirt, both to straighten it and to give his hands something to do. "I'm gonna-" He gestured to the door, "-so you two can um, continue."

Tsukiyama looked upset. "I do not want you to leave."

Kaneki's hands nervously wrung his shirt. "U-um..."

Tsukiyama stood up, still completely naked but seeming not to notice, or more probable, noticed but didn't care. "Today was supposed to be my day, and I want to spend it with both of you."

Hide wrapped his arm around Tsukiyama's bare waist and kissed his bicep. "What do you wanna do then?"

Blushing, Tsukiyama looked up at Kaneki through his eyelashes, his face hopeful. "I was thinking maybe... double penetration?"

Hide whistled lowly and Kaneki could feel himself getting red.

"Tsukiyama you kinky bastard." Hide slapped his ass playfully and raised an eyebrow at Kaneki. "How do you feel about it?"

"Uh," He could feel the blush up to his ears now. "You um, want both of us to... at the same time?"

Tsukiyama nodded, a slight smile tugging at his lips.

"Tsukiyama... you know how the other day Hide said that um, he had never... bottomed?" The word in such a context felt weird on his tongue. "Well, um... I've never _not_ bottomed so... I don't know, I don't think I would be able to-- or at least for my first time--"

He felt bad for denying him a second time, but something like double penetration might require a little more finesse than what he could offer.

Tsukiyama didn't look upset, in fact his eyes were glinting excitedly. He flicked his gaze to Hide, the smile he had been fighting now spreading across his face. "Nagachika, you were nervous about having me take you, yes? How would you feel with Kaneki?"

Hide spluttered, not expecting the conversation to turn to him. "Ah, um, I think-- well I mean I would--" He ruffled the back of his hair, a habit he unconsciously did when he was embarrassed. "...Y-yeah, I would like that."

"Really?" Kaneki blurted out, surprised.

"Um, yeah... honestly, I always thought that if I got with you I would be the bottom."

"Really?" He repeated. All of this was news to him.

Hide gave a small laugh. "Yeah but you seemed to like it so much...and being the top is pretty nice too so I mean, no room to complain you know?" He laughed again before kissing Tsukiyama's arm absently. "So you want us to do that then?"

"Oui, I would like to see that very much."

Hide snaked his hand down and grabbed Tsukiyama's half erection, giving it a few slow pumps. "What do you think Kaneki? You wanna put it in me?" His dark eyes flicked up from what he was doing to Tsukiyama and locked onto him, a smile that could only be described as erotic on his lips.

The smell of Tsukiyama's arousal and Hide's stare made him feel dizzy as his cock quickly filled in his pants.

"Yes please."

Hide looked surprised for a split second before laughing loudly. "Do you do that on purpose?"

"Do what?" He asked, truly confused.

"You're just always so..." Hide tried to grasp for the word he was looking for, his hand slowing to a stop on Tsukiyama.

"Precious?" Tsukiyama suggested, making Hide light up and his hand start moving again.

"Yes! Precious, you're always so precious!"

He blushed deeply. "You both are so embarrassing."

Hide laughed again and left Tsukiyama's side to take his clothes off. Kaneki followed suit and the three of them got onto the bed and finally settled into a comfortable position, with Hide between Tsukiyama's legs and leaning against his chest. He bent his knees and spread his thighs as Kaneki settled in front of them, the tube of lubricant clutched tightly in his hand.

Hide looked gorgeous in that position, his face flushed, his small puckered hole twitching minutely every time his swollen cock pulsed excitedly. the smell of him was intoxicating.

He slicked up two of his fingers before shooting Hide a shy smile.

"Are you comfortable?"

Hide nodded as Tsukiyama grabbed his thighs and stretched them wider.

Taking a deep breath, Kaneki rubbed a finger over the pucker, enjoying the feeling of it tightening before slowly relaxing.

He slowly pushed into the resisting muscle, shocked at the intense heat of Hide's insides. He twitched around Kaneki's finger, letting out a small mewl as his cock jumped. Tsukiyama kissed the top of his head before looking at Kaneki.

"Curl your finger upwards, you should feel an area that is slightly firmer than the rest."

Kaneki twisted his finger and did as he was told.

He only felt the spot for a split second before his finger slipped out as Hide writhed in Tsukiyama's grasp.

"Ahhh!"

Kaneki felt panic for a moment before he realized that Hide was feeling good, he was feeling _really_ good evidently.

Tsukiyama dug his fingers into his thighs, trying to keep him in place as Kaneki slid his fingers back into him and repeated the motion. Jesus, Hide was so reactive when he touched him there, if he had known he would have been doing this from day one.

Encouraged, Kaneki slid his other coated finger into him and Hide's back arched, displaying the pretty curve of his ribs.

"Nagachika, so gorgeous..." Tsukiyama said breathlessly, and Kaneki completely agreed.

He wiggled his fingers around in him, trying to loosen his tight hole. Hide was panting, the heady smell of arousal and sweat coming from him making Kaneki's mouth water and his erection ache.

How loose was loose? Kaneki had gotten him to a point where he was sure he could fit in him, but it seemed like it would hurt.

Hide snapped his hips into Kaneki's fingers again and again, moaning at the stimulation.

"K-Kaneki, _Kaneki_ , fuck, ah!"

He inhaled sharply and his hips stuttered.

"S-stop, _stopstopstop_!"

Kaneki quickly slid his fingers out, panic gripping him. "Oh god, are you okay?"

Hide scrunched his face up as he breathed heavily. "I, _ah_ , almost came."

He opened his eyes and exhaled slowly. "Kaneki, give me, ah, give me your cock." He moaned after the words, as if just the thought could get him off.

Kaneki's whole body felt fluttery as he fumbled with the lubricant, quickly slickening himself.

"Take it slow." Tsukiyama purred, raising Hide's legs a little higher.

He swallowed the saliva pooling in his mouth and carefully brought himself to Hide's entrance.

He tried to push in but his cock was too slippery and slid over it. Flustered, he grabbed himself and positioned himself again, this time managing to press into it. There was a little resistance before  the head of his cock suddenly popped into him. Both of them groaned in unison and Kaneki felt like he would tip over the edge already. 

"What an erotic face, Kaneki. Does he feel good?" 

"Yes, ah, yes, so good, you feel _so good_ Hide, _Hide_." 

Hide whined in the back of his throat and moved his hips as much as he could. 

Kaneki moaned loudly and without thinking thrust completely inside him. Hide's face twisted as a cry tore from his throat and he tightened around him. 

"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!" Kaneki was coming, his eyes were open but he didn't see anything around him, the only thing he was aware of was the way Hide's ass was squeezing him, as if it were milking his cock of everything it had. 

He felt lightheaded and realized he hadn't been breathing. He sucked in air and blinked rapidly, his hazy vision returning to him as his cock slipped limply out of Hide. He looked down and saw that Hide was soft as well, his stomach sticky with cum. 

"H-Hideyoshi, let me come in your mouth." Tsukiyama panted, letting go of Hide's legs and running his hands up his chest. 

Hearing Hide's full name was odd and it was even more odd hearing it from Tsukiyama, but for some reason in was unbearably hot. 

Hide turned over shakily and Tsukiyama sat up on his knees, pumping his cock at a brutal rhythm as Hide opened his mouth alluringly, his tongue reaching out to lick at his wet tip. 

"Don't swallow." Tsukiyama groaned as his hand stilled and he shot thickly into his mouth. 

His breathing was shallow as he wiped his tip on Hide's bottom lip. 

"Now, ah, kiss Ken and let him taste it." 

Hide moaned around his mouthful and turned to Kaneki, a bit of cum glistening on his lip. Kaneki leaned over and licked it up, his head feeling light at the strong taste. 

Hide opened his mouth and he immediately dipped his tongue into the warm mess of saliva and cum, sighing as Hide began kissing him. 

What a fantastic taste. 

He greedily swallowed the mixture as their teeth clicked together. 

When they finally pulled apart, they were both panting. 

"That...was pretty good." Hide managed, smiling widely. 

Tsukiyama hummed happily and collapsed against the pillows. "You two are magnificent." 

Kaneki smiled, flopping next to Tsukiyama as Hide did the same thing. 

Their breathing slowly returned to normal as the sweat cooled.  Hide began snoring lightly after a few minutes and they both laughed quietly.

Kaneki snuggled into Tsukiyama's side. 

"Um. Tsukiyama?" 

"Hmm?" 

"The things you wanted to do before... like the things you were doing with Hide at the beginning..." 

Tsukiyama didn't say anything, but Kaneki knew he was listening intently. 

"I don't mind if you do those things with him. You both seemed to like it and all." 

Without even seeing his face, he knew Tsukiyama was hesitant about the idea. He pressed forward. 

"I don't mind, I really don't." 

Tsukiyama sighed. "Do you think Nagachika had fun doing it?" 

Kaneki thought back to how Hide had so easily slipped into the dominant role, how his words and actions came to him so easily. 

"I think he did." 

"...If he is fine with it, I would like to try it again." 

Kaneki smiled sleepily, happy that they both could satisfy something in each other that he was unable to. Honestly, he had a secret fear that the two of them weren't very close, that they only tolerated each other because he wanted them to. It was dumb, of course, considering how well they got along, but the thought gnawed at him anyway. 

So this was okay with him. More than okay, really. 

He yawned and relaxed against Tsukiyama, happy that things were as they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I need your opinion, as the reader of this. Yeah or nah to having the next chapter be Hide and Shuu's bedroom adventures? After this chapter having nothing to do with the story, I don't know if you guys are getting impatient or if you'd be cool with me writing two pointless chapters in a row.


	17. Hide and Tsukiyama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and Tsukiyama spend some quality time together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back~!! Sorry for the little hiatus I took, it shouldn't happen again.   
> As by request, this chapter is Hide and Tsukiyama's bedroom adventure

Hide knew that Tsukiyama could easily tear through the ropes around his wrists if he wanted to but Tsukiyama seemed content where he was. More than content by the looks of his cock.

"What a fucking pervert." Hide dropped his voice low, feeling a warmth in his stomach as Tsukiyama's dick twitched. He pushed Tsukiyama onto the bed before climbing onto it himself.

He looked over the toys he had laid out, not sure where to begin. He picked up the buttplug before sitting it back down and grabbing the cockring. Hide stretched the silicone ring around Tsuikyama's length, letting it fit snugly at the base of his cock. Tsukiyama was looking up at him though his eyelashes, his breathing already labored. Hide leaned over and smacked his face gently, earning him a breathy gasp.

"What should I do with you?" He mused out loud, letting his hand trail down Tsukiyama's cheek, his neck, then finally resting on his chest.

Tsukiyama bit his bottom lip and arched his back so that Hide's palm pressed more firmly against him. Hide laughed and fought the urge to lean down and kiss him.

"Impatient, aren't you?" He took his hand off of him and grabbed the vibrating egg and the lube from the bed. He snapped open the lid and coated it generously before turning it on. He pressed it gently against the darkened tip of Tsukiyama's dick, loving the way Tsukiyama squirmed against his restraints as he let out a throaty moan. He wished he had some tape so he could fasten it to his dick, but since he was working with what he had, he tapped the inside of Tsukiyama's thigh, prompting them to spread and lift.

Hide spread his ass, revealing his small pucker. Without any warning, he popped the lube-slick egg into him, relishing the way his tight hole swallowed it so effortlessly. Tsukiyama let out a small whine as his body shivered and his muscles jumped.

"I wonder how long I can keep you like this." Hide teased, tugging at the small cord that was attached the the egg.

"Feels, ah, good, so good," Tsukiyama breathed, wiggling his hips against the sheets.

Hide smacked his ass with the flat of his palm, eliciting an excited gasp from him. Hide did it again with a little more force and Tsukiyama's whole body jolted as he groaned. Spurred on by the reactions he was getting, Hide began spanking him with only a small grace period between each strike, drinking in every broken moan Tsukiyama gave with each sharp hit. The way his plump ass jiggled with every smack was indescribably hot to him, and he couldn't help but be grateful that he was in control of the situation, because if Tsukiyama touched him right now he'd definitely come.

  
Hide smacked his ass one more time before rubbing a soothing hand over the hot skin. Tsukiyama's cock was red and jerking roughly in time with his heart. Hide had googled cockrings earlier because he wasn't sure exactly how they worked, and had found that they should only be used for around ten minutes. It definitely hadn't been that long yet, but he wanted to take it off soon, just to be safe.

He slid his pants off before snapping open the lube and pouring a generous amount into his hand. He had wanted to save this for later, but playing with Tsukiyama had really gotten him worked up and he couldn't stop thinking of being filled by him. He started with two fingers and soon added a third, making quick work of slickening and loosening himself up.

It was less than a minute later when he climbed on top of Tsukiyama and straddled him, letting his ass slide against the cock under him.

"H...Hideyoshi..." Tsukiyama's eyes were unfocused and he was having a hard time catching his breath. "Are..you open, _ah_ , enough?"

Hide reached under himself and grabbed Tsukiyama's cock, lining it up with his hole. He lowered himself just enough so that the tip pressed into him, but before it popped in he lifted up, making Tsukiyama groan.

"Are you saying I don't know what I'm doing, huh?" Hide said, letting his free hand run through Tsukiyama's hair before locking into it and pulling his head to the side. He felt Tsukiyama's cock pulse hotly at the abuse and Hide let himself lower against it again, the head only pressing against his hole. "You wanna fuck me?"

Tsukiyama nodded, biting his bottom lip as his muscles trembled.

Hide tightened his grip in Tsukiyama's hair.

"Say it."

"P-please let me fuck you Hide, _ahh_ \--" Tsukiyama's breathing was heavy and his words came in between pants. "Inside you... please...fuck...ah, Hi.. _de_."

He wasn't sure if it was okay to kiss him or if that would ruin the whole 'tough guy' act, but he leaned down and did it anyways, trying hard not to melt into Tsukiyama's eager mouth. His fist in Tsukiyama's hair loosened and cupped the side of his face as he let his tongue run over Tsukiyama's slick teeth.

He sunk down without warning, taking half of Tsukiyama's girth in an instant. His ass burned like hell and he had to choke back a cry as Tsukiyama's body stiffened from the intense and sudden stimulation. Hide felt stuck, not wanting to pull off but not wanting to go any further.

Tsukiyama's eyes had shut when Hide had went down but they slowly opened at his sudden silence. His eyes flicked down and Hide's gaze followed, seeing that the sudden pain had made his cock soften. The brilliant red and black of his eyes melted away as his face grew worried.

"Daffodil." Tsukiyama spoke the word and Hide could hear something snapping and the next thing he knew, Tsukiyama's hands were on his hips holding him steady. "I didn't think you'd opened yourself enough."

Hide groaned. "I, ah, don't need to be scolded."

"You do, mon amor. I'm going to sit up, okay? I won't move you too much."

Hide nodded and Tsukiyama gripped his hips tighter, keeping him as steady as possible as he carefully sat up. Even still, Hide felt the shift and he had to bite his lip to keep from protesting. As soon as Tsukiyama was up Hide wrapped his arms around his neck.

"I'm going to lean over, okay?"

Hide nodded again and Tsukiyama quickly leaned over and snatched the lube from the bed before pressing a kiss against Hide's shoulder.

"Silly boy."

"Shut up, it's, ah, not my fault you're hung like a damn horse."

"That is not my fault either."

Hide laughed despite himself and Tsukiyama smiled before settling into a serious expression. "Okay, first you must try to relax your muscles."

Hide took a shaky breath and tried to loosen himself, but found it harder than expected. Tsukiyama kissed his shoulder again and deftly popped the lid of the lubricant open with one hand.

"Oui, just like that, keep that up."

Tsukiyama squeezed lube onto his own stomach before tossing it aside. He scooped the lube into his hand as best as he could, his other hand tightening on Hide's waist to keep him in place.

Hide took another breath and willed his muscles to relax as Tsukiyama's lube-slick fingers rubbed around where they were connected.

"Shit." Hide tapped Tsukiyama's back with his fingers. "We need to take that cockring off, it's not good to keep them on so long."

"Are you done playing already, Hideyoshi?" Tsukiyama smeared the remaining lube on the rest of his own dick before bringing his hand around and loosely pumping Hide's soft cock.

All the efforts Hide had made to loosening himself were out the window as he reacted to the tight, slippery friction. He hardened quickly and their panting soon filled the room.

The pain of Tsukiyama's girth slowly subsided and melted into buzzing pleasure.

"You're, ah, already taking more." Tsukiyama breathed before placing wet kisses on his shoulder.

Hide rocked his hips experimentally and let out a low whine as he felt himself opening wider. "Fuck, Tsukiyama..." Hide let himself slide down more but he still hadn't taken it all in.

He slid up and down what he could take, riding Tsukiyama slowly as he felt himself adjust to his size. Tsukiyama's eyes were crimson again, and he looked up at Hide hungrily as his hands around Hide's waist helped him as he moved.

Tsukiyama licked Hide's chest and sighed hotly against his skin. "Your skin, ah, tastes so good, Hideyoshi." He licked his neck and Hide tilted his head back for better access.

The thought of being completely vulnerable as a ghoul tasted and fucked him made his cock ache and dump precome.

"Tsukiyama," Hide panted, speeding up his rhythm, "Please, ah, let me say your name."

Hide felt Tsukiyama's teeth scrape against his throat and he wondered if Tsukiyama wanted to bite into him.

"Say it." Tsukiyama said, his lips moving against his skin.

"Sh-Shuu, I'm coming! Ahh, Shuu, _Shuu_ \--" Hide's voice rose as he sunk down completely on Tsukiyama and rode him with rough and shallow movements. Tsukiyama's hands tightened painfully on his hips as Hide came hard. Hide froze and threw his head back as his orgasm wracked through his body, his muscles tightening and loosening as the pleasure rolled over him in waves.

Tsukiyama cursed and one of his hands left Hide's waist. Hide blinked and looked down just as Tsukiyama squeezed a finger under the cockring and pulled, snapping it effortlessly. He felt hot wetness inside himself as Tsukiyama let out a noise close to a cry and began snapping his hips upwards with enough force to bounce Hide.

Hide tightened his arms around Tsukiyama's neck and let himself be used as Tsukiyama rode out his orgasm, his mouth pressed to Hide's shoulder as he moaned so loud that it would be surprising if Kaneki didn't hear.

With one last thrust, Tsukiyama stilled as he panted against Hide's skin, his tongue lolling out to lick at his sweat.

Pain returned to him as his orgasm faded, making his ass ache dully and his hips burn. He knew Tsukiyama had been holding him tight, but he didn't think it would be enough to hurt afterwards. His left hip was particularly painful, and he found himself resting his weight on his opposite leg. If Tsukiyama knew, he would definitely be upset.

He had already decided to hide it from Tsukiyama when he felt an arm around his lower back and he was deftly moved so his back was on the mattress.

Tsukiyama kissed his lips softly before moving down his body, trailing kisses until he got to his hips.

"I indulged myself more than I should have with a human. Tell me, are you hurt anywhere?"

"Nah, I'm built like a tank." Hide said but just as the words left him Tsukiyama pressed a finger gingerly to his left hip, eliciting a hiss from him.

"So I did hurt you." Tsukiyama said, his voice full of distress.

Hide raised up and supported himself with his elbows so he could look at Tsukiyama. "Hey now, don't get all bent out of shape about it. It was some amazing sex." He winked at Tsukiyama. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

Tsukiyama smiled at him but Hide could see he was still upset. He knew there was nothing he could say that would make it better and that bothered the hell out of him.

He let himself fall back and reached for Tsukiyama's head, running his fingers through his hair as Tsukiyama placed gentle kisses on both of his hips. "Man, Kaneki is gonna be so pissed at me," Hide said offhandedly.

"What do you mean?"

"The fact that I fell off the bed and hurt myself. He's always getting after me for being such a klutz."

Tsukiyama was silent and Hide kept his gaze on the ceiling.

"Thank you, Nagachika."

"Thanks for what?" Hide said, feigning ignorance. "And you know, I think we're past the part where you call me by my last name."

"Fine then, Hideyoshi. But in turn, you should show me the same courtesy."

Hide smiled and tapped Tsukiyama on the head.

"Get up here and kiss me, Shuu-chan." 


	18. A Sudden Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki gets a call.

Kaneki spent the afternoon in town, browsing the book store. The shop keeper was just as unfriendly as before, but Kaneki gritted his teeth and refused to feel guilty about doing something that was completely in his rights to do. He took his time reading the spines of the books and reading the backs of the ones that caught his interest.

When he got back home, he curled up in the chair in his room with two books; a murder mystery he had picked up that afternoon and the flower book he had gotten earlier that week.

He flipped through the flower book aimlessly for a few minutes and read a few random pages. After he tired of that, he went to the 'D' section and quickly located what he wanted. 

_Daffodil- Symbolizing rebirth and new beginnings, the daffodil is virtually synonymous with spring. Different countries associate the yellow flower with different meanings, but the most common are hope, joy, and good fortune. On another note, a single daffodil is seen as a bad omen, bringing about misfortune or even death._

  
He ran his finger over the words and read them over again. He mulled over the description as he shut the book and set it beside the chair. He opened his newer purchase and began to read.

It wasn't anything groundbreaking, but the writer's style was unique and by the time he heard Hide and Tsukiyama moving around the house, he was a quarter of the way through it. He dog eared the page and stretched his legs out before getting up and plodding into the kitchen.

Tsukiyama was at the counter making a pot of coffee, and Hide gave him a bright smile from his seat at the island. Kaneki sat down in the chair across from him and returned the smile.

"Did you both have fun?"

Hide's cheeks turned pink but his smile widened. "Sure did, didn't we Tsukiyama?"

Tsukiyama hummed in agreement as he flipped on the coffee pot. "Oui, Nagachika is impressive, as to be expected."

Hide's blush deepened and he ran his hand over the back of his hair. "You flatter me, kind sir."

Tsukiyama gave a small laugh as he took three mugs from the cupboard. "What did you do while we were occupied, Kaneki? I imagine you caught up on some reading."

"That's exactly what I did."

"Book nerds, the both of you." Hide said, a fond smile on his face.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He fished it from his pocket and looked at the number.

It was Touka.

"Who is it?" Hide peered over the island, looking at the phone.

Kaneki had his finger over the button to answer the call, but just as he went to press it, his phone stopped buzzing. He furrowed his brow and tried to push back the cold wave of panic that was seeping into his blood. He quickly went to his recent calls and dialed her back, but even as he pressed the phone to his ear, he knew what would happen. And sure enough, the phone didn't even get through it's first ring before it cut out.

"This isn't good." He said under his breath, pressing the redial button, only to have it go straight to voicemail.

"What's going on?" Hide asked, getting up from his chair and making his way over to him.

Kaneki noticed that Hide was leaning against the island for support but didn't have a chance to say anything, right now the only thing on his mind was Touka and Hinami.

He hung up and redialed, only to get the same result. He mashed the end button and set his phone down with enough force to make Tsukiyama flinch. His heart was beating erratically and it felt as if he couldn't catch his breath.

Hide cupped his face and forced his head up so their eyes met.

"Kaneki, hey, it's gonna be okay... just talk to us."

His dark, steady gaze didn't completely erase Kaneki's panic, but it did help his mind feel a little less cluttered. He took a steadying breath and fought to keep his voice level.

"Touka just called... I tried to call her back but her phone's off now."

"Perhaps her phone died?" Tsukiyama suggested, but the look on his face showed that he knew that probably wasn't the case.

Hide kissed Kaneki's forehead softly. "She's gonna call back, we just have to be patient."

Kaneki took Hide's hands in his own and kissed them before grabbing his phone from the counter again. "You're probably right. I'm gonna call Yoshimura-san and see if she's said anything to him."

He dialed Anteiku and listened as the phone rang a few times before hanging up. They were in the middle of the afternoon rush right now, and they were short staffed, it wasn't surprising that there wasn't an answer. But even still, Kaneki felt a heavy sense of foreboding about the whole mess.

He realized he had been staring at his phone screen for a long time and looked up to see Hide and Tsukiyama looking at him with concern. He forced a smile, knowing it looked as phony as it felt.

"She's gonna call back. We just have to wait."

Hide nodded enthusiastically, seeming to be happy that Kaneki was taking the more positive approach to the situation.

Tsukiyama tucked a few strands of stray hair behind his ear. "Touka-chan is a fighter, if nothing else. I'm sure she is fine."

A heavy silence fell and Kaneki knew both of them were doing just as he was doing, brooding over all the dark possibilities that could have befallen. Hide leaned against the counter and Kaneki took the opportunity to change the subject.

"What happened? Did you hurt your leg or..."

Hide scratched the side of his face. "I... _might_ have fallen off the side of the bed earlier." He grinned sheepishly as Kaneki sighed.

"You need to be more careful, Hide."

Tsukiyama got up from his chair and went to the coffee pot as Hide shot Kaneki a wink. "I don't need to be careful, I have two big, strong ghoul boyfriends to protect me!"

Kaneki sighed again but found himself smiling, if only a little. He got up from his chair and kissed Hide's cheek before bending down and gently kissing his hip. When he straightened up Hide was blushing. He noticed Kaneki looking and smiled playfully before pointing at his own lips.

"You know, when I fell I think I got hurt here too."

  
~~~~~~

  
They all sat in the kitchen, making small chat and drinking coffee, but the casualness was betrayed by the way they kept looking at Kaneki's phone, silent on the island for the past hour. Kaneki's back hurt from sitting in the chair without moving, and his legs felt restless and were bouncing impatiently but he stayed where he was, drinking cup after cup of coffee that was probably delicious but he couldn't seem to taste.

When the phone finally did buzz, the three of them froze in the middle of their conversation and stared at it, like it were some bizarre bug that had just flown in and landed on the counter.

It took a few rings for Kaneki to snap into action and he snatched the phone from the counter and pressed talk before pressing it to his ear.

"H-hello?"

"Kaneki, something's happened."

Touka's voice came out rushed and high and Kaneki felt any of his false cheer he had managed to hold onto in the past few hours instantly crumble.

"Touka, what happened? Oh god, are you okay? You didn't answer your phone and I thought--" His voice cracked and he stopped himself, not wanting to break down.

"That was Yomo-san, he saw me calling and he broke my phone, he didn't want them to have any way to track us but Kaneki... oh god Kaneki..." Her voice trailed off and he could hear her trying to control her breathing.

"C-calm down Touka, tell me what happened."

Kaneki was trying to stay calm himself, but his heart was aching and his throat felt like it was closing up.

He heard a sniffle before Touka spoke, her voice carefully monotone.

"There was a raid at Anteiku. Koma...Irimi...Yoshim-m-m--"

The last name was lost in a heavy sob and Kaneki listened as she finally let herself go.

He knew that he should be crying too, but he found himself unable to. It felt like his body had completely ceased functioning. He couldn't hear his heart, couldn't see the room he was in, couldn't feel his limbs. It was like he had just frozen. Even his brain seemed to stop working. Touka's words played again and again in his mind, but they meant nothing to him.

A raid?

What was that supposed to mean?

The people she had listed, the people who had taken him in and helped him when he most needed it, why had she said their names?

Slowly, things started to seep back to him, the counter with the half finished cup of coffee in front of him, the ticking of the clock on the wall, the feeling of his hand holding the phone to his ear painfully tight.

"Touka...I'm going to handle this." Each syllable was said neatly and carefully, and he could clearly feel his mouth forming each sound.

"Kaneki, stop, p-p-please." Touka said, her voice hitching. "Don't, don't.... I c-can't lose you too."

"I'm going to handle this." He repeated, her plea not reaching him. "I'll talk to you soon. Tell Hinami I said hi."

He pressed the end button and set the phone on the counter, finding it hard to unlock his fingers from around it. Hide and Tsukiyama were staring at him, their faces solemn.

"Anteiku was attacked." He said simply, getting up from his chair.

"Kaneki... I'm so sorry." Tsukiyama said, quickly getting up from his chair and supporting Kaneki's waist, only to be batted away.

"No reason for you to be sorry." He walked to the front door and began pulling on his shoes.

"Kaneki, stop, you aren't going anywhere." Hide was at his side now too and grabbed the shoe from his hand.

He snatched it back from Hide. "I'm going, I have to help."

Hide plucked it from his hands again and tossed it to the side. "Kaneki, you aren't thinking straight, okay? There's nothing you can help with right now."

"Nagachika is right, Kaneki. We won't be of any help right now. We all just need to sit down and think of our next course of action."

Kaneki took a step towards his discarded shoe and his knees buckled.

Hide and Tsukiyama quickly grabbed him before he fell. Kaneki's body went limp and he stared at the floor as the two of them half dragged, half carried him to the couch. He let himself be laid down and he stayed like that, unmoving. He felt a kiss be placed on his head. "

It is going to work out, Kaneki."

Kaneki closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure some of you have been thinking that this has been relatively chill for a Tokyo Ghoul fic
> 
> lmao 
> 
> (p.s. sorry)


	19. Anteiku

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki finds out what's become of Anteiku

They left out early that morning, boarding the train before the sun had completely risen.

Kaneki hadn't spoken a word, and he wasn't sure he could. What was there to say? He had ran away from Anteiku, wanting to protect Hide and Tsukiyama, but because of that he had left everyone else without any help. He wasn't arrogant enough to believe he could have been the deciding factor against the CCG, but he knew he should have been there to fight with them.

He should have been there to defend his home and his friends, and he should have died with them.

The battle was over and the damage was done and nothing could reverse what had happened. They all knew that. But Kaneki needed to _see_ it.

He wasn't sure if anything would even be there, but the need to see Anteiku was swelling in him, and with each hour that passed on the steadily swaying train that need grew and grew to the point that when they finally reached their stop, Kaneki found himself nearly stumbling off the train.

As soon as his feet hit pavement he took off, sprinting down the streets he knew so well. There was his university. Big Girls. The underpass that he fought Nishiki. All of these little areas that he had lived and experienced rushed past him.

This was it. Right around the corner, he would be able to see Anteiku. His legs and chest burned, but he pushed himself harder, turning the corner and--

Rubble. A pile of dust and rock and twisted metal, all messily piled behind yellow tape. The momentum he had picked up drained away until he was jogging, then walking, then finally at a dead stop. He could hear someone running up behind him but he couldn't tear himself away from the sight in front of him.

"K...Kaneki..." Tsukiyama was panting next to him, trying to catch his breath.

"Where's Hide?" Kaneki asked, his voice flat.

"He... tried to keep up but his... side." Tsukiyama straightened up and put his hands on his hips, letting his breath come to him as they both looked at the former Anteiku.

"Did you used to go here?" Someone asked.

Kaneki turned and saw a long, lanky man, his clothes jarringly colorful.

"A shame, isn't it? They had the best coffee in the ward."

"We should leave." Tsukiyama wrapped his arm around Kaneki's waist and tried to move him but Kaneki's feet seemed to be rooted.

"Three ghouls shouldn't be standing in front of a known ghoul hangout." He said under his breath, pulling insistently at Kaneki.

He was confused for a second, but then he smelled the scent of the man next to him and sure enough, he picked up the distinct smell of a ghoul.

"You." Kaneki grabbed the man's sleeve and looked him in the eye. "Do you know what happened? Did anyone live?"

The man tugged his arm away, looking disdainful. "Are you usually so handsy with ladies?"

Kaneki was confused for a second before he realized what the ghoul meant. He took a step back, not wanting to offend them any further.

"I'm sorry, miss. It's just... they were my friends."

The ghoul looked him over before offering him a smile. "I don't, but I have a friend that might know."

"Kaneki, I do not like this..." Tsukiyama's body stiffened and he tightened his grip on Kaneki as the smell of another ghoul pervaded them.

The ghoul looked past them and gave a small wave. "Yamori darling, there you are!"

They both turned and were faced with a broad ghoul in a white suit, his eyes small and clever in his wide face. The new ghoul sniffed the air experimentally, his eyes looking the both of them over.

"I smell her on them."

The first ghoul tapped a finger on their chin. "I thought I did too, but I wasn't sure."

Kaneki didn't understand what they were going on about, but he felt a pit of unease in his stomach. They had a dangerous air around them, and he knew Tsukiyama felt it too.

The man in the white suit grinned, cracking his index finger with his thumb. "Well I guess we'll have to take them both."

Tsukiyama stepped in front of Kaneki protectively, crouching slightly as he prepared to fight.

"You will not touch him."

Pain peppered Kaneki's back as he saw brilliant violet shards pass by him and pierce Tsukiyama's back. Kaneki and Tsukiyama gasped and tried to turn, but just as they did the two ghouls ambushed them, hitting them hard in the back of the head.

Kaneki's vision went black and he felt his body crumble to the ground. He could hear scuffling and Tsukiyama cursing. He tried to move to help but his limbs were unresponsive.

There was a loud thud and Tsukiyama's voice was cut off.

"Nice work Ayato-kun!" The first ghoul said as Kaneki felt his body being lifted.

His consciousness flickered briefly before going out altogether.

  
~~~~

  
He had ran with Tsukiyama, and though his hip protested the action and he was noticebaly slower, it was tolerable. But as he lengthened his strides to match Tsukiyama's, his side began searing, as if the wound from that ghoul had opened. He clutched the scar and wasn't surprised to find it dry, but it was enough to make him slow to a brisk walk.

Tsukiyama immediately noticed his absence and turned, his chest heaving lightly.

"Hideyoshi?"

Hide waved him forward. "Go on... my side's just acting up. Go make sure Kaneki's okay, I'll be there soon."

It was obvious that Tsukiyama was torn between walking with Hide or running ahead, but in the end he listened to Hide, racing down the streets until he was out of his view.

Hide cursed under his breath and walked quickly, hating that he couldn't keep up. The pain in his side was quickly subsiding and he was tempted to try jogging, but he fought the urge, knowing it would do no good if he pushed himself and really _did_ tear something.

Maybe Kaneki needed Tsukiyama more right now anyway, with them both being ghouls. Being hunted like this was something Hide knew had to be hell, but he himself had never experienced. Sometimes with sensitive things like this, people needed people who had been in the same situation.

Even with that sound logic running through his head, he picked up his pace again.

No matter what he told himself, he wanted to be with Kaneki right now.

When he rounded the corner his heart sank, seeing the little pile of rubble tucked between two other buildings. It was amazing to him, how a place that seemed so timeless could so easily be reduced to nothing. He also noticed that the street and sidewalks were nearly empty, as if the area were quarantined, and the few people that were around walked on the opposite side of the street.

Because it was so empty, he immediately realized something wrong.

Kaneki and Tsukiyama were nowhere to be seen.

Kaneki was shy by nature, and considering how he was upset, he definitely wouldn't go into a shop.

So then...

His mind raced but he slowed down to a casual walk, sticking his hands in his pockets as he approached Anteiku. He knew he couldn't stop, so he slowed his pace just a little more as he passed by, hanging his head as if he were in deep thought.

There was blood on the sidewalk, and he could see it was still wet, and there was something crumpled on the ground nearby.

As he neared it, he bent down and pretended to tie his shoe. He grabbed the thing and straightened up, stuffing his hands back in his pockets as he walked away.

He rounded the corner and walked for about a minute before pulling the thing out and looking it over.

It was a handkerchief, and as he straightened it out, he saw an elegant T embroidered in the corner.

Hide felt like he couldn't breathe.

Tsukiyama had left this, hoping that he would understand that something had happened.

Hide walked on, clutching the handkerchief tightly in his hand. He felt like he was wandering aimlessly, but before he knew it, he was in front of Kaneki's apartment.

He didn't have a key, but when he tried the window, it was open.

He climbed through the small window and stood in the dark room. It smelled like Kaneki.

He knew that he should turn on a light, that he should start thinking about what to do, that he should be doing _something_ for fuck's sake.

Hide backed up until he felt the wall behind him and slid down. Tears fell down his cheeks and he let out a hoarse sob as he clutched the handkerchief to his chest.

In the dark, Hide cried until his eyes were swollen and his throat was raw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story's reaching it's climax, which is really weird to think about, since I've been working on this thing for almost a year.
> 
> woo doggy, this is gonna be some fun


	20. Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide tries to get a lead on where Kaneki and Tsukiyama might be

With the speediness of the interview, Hide had a feeling that even if he had bombed it, he would still get the position. He left the interview room and stood for a second, watching as people passed by him, paying him no mind. He didn't know how busy the CCG usually was, but it seemed like everything was hectic. Could it be because they were gearing up for the huge ghoul extermination that Kaneki had been telling him about? It would explain why they were looking for some extra hands.

Hide pulled at the collar of the sweater he was wearing, irritated by how tight it was. He had borrowed it from Kaneki's closet since he didn't have any clothes other than the ones he had worn yesterday. He debated heading to his place to pick up some of his own things but decided it'd be a waste of time. All of his decent clothes were still at Tsukiyama's place.

Someone near him accidentally dropped a stack of folders he was carrying and Hide was pulled from his thoughts, immediately dropping down to help. The guy, who couldn't be much older than Hide himself, looked flustered as he hastily stuffed scattered papers into random folders.

"Thanks."

"Hey, it's no problem."

The guy smiled gratefully before frowning as Hide handed him the remaining folders. "I just organized all of these..." The guy sighed and they both stood.

"If you need some help, I'd be happy to help."

The guy shook his head. "Don't worry about it, I was just complaining out loud. Besides, you're off the clock, aren't you?"

"Well I don't officially start till tomorrow."

The guy perked up and adjusted the folders before sticking a hand out to him. "Oh! Well in that case, welcome to the CCG. I'm Takizawa."

Hide shook the offered hand and gave him a bright smile. "I'm Nagachika, nice to meet you. And that offer still stands, by the way. I've got nothing better to do."

Takizawa looked down at the messy pile of folders, papers sticking out of them. "Well...if you really wouldn't mind."

Hide smiled again "No problem at all!"

"Well in that case, follow me."

Hide trailed behind Takizawa, following him down a long hallway till they entered a large room.

"This is the conference room." Takizawa announced, dropping the folders on the long table. "I figured it'd be easier to sort this stuff here, since my work area's a little cramped."

Hide took half the folders and set them to the side before rubbing his hands together. This wasn't the most interesting task, but maybe he could get some information from the files. at the very least, it was better than going home and being left to his worries.

The files were open ghoul cases, and even though none of them seemed particularly important, Hide still read as much as he could as he sorted the papers. There was one name he noticed that kept popping up, and after the third time of seeing it, he decided to break the silence they were working in.

"What's this mean? I've never heard of it before."

Takizawa looked up curiously and read the word Hide had his finger under.

"Ah. Aogiri Tree. I can't say too much but--" Takizawa looked to the door before looking back at Hide. "If we're the good guys, then they would be the arch nemesis."

"So they're the opposite of you guys... are they anti-human?"

Hide looked over the paper but Takizawa snatched it from him, quickly sorting it into the proper folder.

"Well it's a group of ghouls. They're all anti-human."

They worked silently for a few minutes before Hide talked again.

"I don' think all ghouls are against humans. I mean, just look at the Bitters."

Takizawa's eyes widened and he looked to the door again before leaning in confidentially. "You should be careful saying stuff like that. The CCG, well, they've got one job, and that's to take down the ghouls. Being an open sympathizer probably isn't a great idea."

Hide leaned in too. "But aren't the CCG sympathizing too? Isn't that why they made the serum?"

Takizawa stared at him intently for a few seconds before straightening up. "I think that just about does it for the papers. Thanks again."

Hide nodded and got up, pushing in his chair. "No problem. I'm always here to help."

He left the way he had came, thinking about the exchange he just had.

Takizawa definitely knew what was going on. This all but confirmed what Kaneki, Tsukiyama, and him had thought. The CCG were planning something bad. It would do him good to keep close to Takizawa. Something about the way Takizawa reacted made Hide feel that he was on the ghouls' side. Surely being around him would lead him to others that felt the same way.

No use worrying about it now. He had something else he needed to focus his attention on.

~~~~~~

The underpass. Last time he had been here, he had nearly died. He hadn't stood a chance, but Kaneki had saved him against crazy odds. That was one thing that could always be counted on, Kaneki beating the odds.

Hide couldn't see him and he started fearing that he wasn't going to show up, but from the shadows a voice came.

"This better be something important."

Hide focused his eyes and could see Nishiki leaning against the wall.

"Kaneki and Tsukiyama were taken."

Nishiki made a derisive noise but Hide noticed the way his body tensed up.

"So? All of us are under fire right now. I can't help that those two dumbasses don't know how to be discreet."

"I don't think it was the CCG who took them."

Nishiki was quiet, so Hide continued.

"I don't know how I know... it's just a feeling I have. But I _know_ I'm right. I was hoping you might know--"

"Forget it." Nishiki straightened up and walked towards him. "Whether he was taken by ghouls or the Doves, it doesn't matter. What are you gonna do?" He laughed dryly. "You're just one guy. A human, at that. And no one's gonna help you. With things as they are, everyone's looking out for themselves. You should just consider them dead."

Hide set his jaw, refusing to let Nishiki's words bother him. "I'm not asking you to fight with me, I just need information."

Nishiki looked him over. "And what are you gonna do with any information I give you?"

"I'm going to save them."

Nishiki snorted and turned away from him, looking out into the street.

They both listened to the sound of the city, muffled in the small dark nook they were in. Hide felt hot desperation trying to claw it's way up his throat but he stamped it down. Nishiki might seem uncaring, but he had come to meet him after all. That right there showed that he wasn't as uncaring as he was acting.

Nishiki sighed and turned his head to look at Hide. "You know this is a suicide mission, right? You can't win."

Hide felt himself smile. "I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try."

Nishiki was silent for a few moments before sighing again.

"There's a group of ghouls, and 95% of the time when something weird's going down, they've got a part in it."

"Do you know where I can find them?"

Nishiki looked him over again before shaking his head.

"I don't know. The manager might--" Nishiki swallowed heavily. "--anyways, I'm no help there. But I can tell you where one of their members hangs out."

Nishiki gave him a stern look as Hide visibly perked up. "But you can't be careless. This guy, he's a monster, even for a ghoul."

"What's his name?"

Nishiki looked reluctant, and Hide couldn't help but admire him. Considering Nishiki had tried to kill him not too long ago, he really did seem worried about him.

"His name is Yamori, one of the big fish in Aogiri." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the first chapter without either Kaneki or Tsukiyama. And my baby Takizawa made an appearance :'')
> 
> Just a heads up, there's gonna be some graphic torturing in the next chapter. I'll put a warning on that chapter too so anyone who wants to skip that part will have a chance to~


	21. Lead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide finds a valuable lead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so if you want to skip all the graphic gory bits, read until you get to the ~~~~, and then scroll till you get to the other set of ~~~~~, and you should be good!
> 
> I just want to thank everyone again for all of the lovely comments you've left! All of the feedback has really helped motivate me. To everyone who has read this far, thank you for the love and support!

6 days had passed and every day Hide would go to work, and when work was over he would go to the cafe across the street from the place Nishiki told him about and drink cup after cup of stale coffee until closing. There was no sign of the guy Nishiki had told him about, but Hide knew that patience would win out, eventually. But it was easier said than done, knowing that Kaneki and Tsukiyama had been missing for so long. Every day was another countless possibilities of what was happening to them, and every day Hide could feel hot despair creeping into his body.

But even as his despair grew, he maintained his friendly disposition at work, running errands tirelessly and smiling all the while. Takizawa and him would talk occasionally, but it always seemed a lot more stiff than their first conversation.

That's why it came as a surprise when Takizawa approached him at the end of the week, his eyes sparkling excitedly.

"Nagachika, a friend and I are gonna grab some drinks, wanna come with us?"

The sudden invitation threw him off guard and it took him a few seconds to respond.

"Um, yeah absolutely!"

Takizawa clapped his hands together and smiled brightly.

"Great, excellent!"

Hide laughed despite himself, bemused at Takizawa's high spirits.

"So who's the friend?"

Takizawa puffed up his chest. "Investigator Amon."

"Amon-san, really?" Hide said, impressed.

Takizawa beamed and nodded excitedly. "Did you already clock out? Amon-san said he would meet us there."

Hide nodded and they both made their way outside. Takizawa was talking animatedly about Amon, but Hide only pretended to listen.

Internally, he couldn't stop feeling that today might be The Day. Yamori could be there right now, and he was going to miss it. But at the same time, this was a golden opportunity that might not come up again. Having two investigators getting drunk and possibly spilling valuable information? It was hard to pass up. He debated with himself and decided to stay with them for an hour or so, and then dismiss himself to go look for Yamori.

But then came the possibility that they wouldn't be drunk by the time he left, and because of his late arrival to the coffee shop he might have missed Yamori.

He sighed inwardly, knowing that debating hypothetical was just running around in a never ending circle.

The plan he had now would have to be enough.

He realized that they were at the door of the bar that was a block from the CCG office. They headed to a booth in the back and sat opposite of each other. Takizawa folded his hands in front of himself and kept glancing at the door. Hide smiled at him as he perked up when someone came in, only to deflate when it was a stranger.

"You really look up to Amon-san, don't you?"

Takizawa looked sheepish. "Not in particular..."

Hide gave him a knowing look but couldn't pursue the question as a waiter appeared.

He ordered a bottle of hot sake for the three of them and as the waitress left, Someone slid in next to Takizawa, making both of them jump. Amon looked out of place in such a casual setting, his shoulders squared and his back straight, looking more like he was in a meeting than at a bar.

"Th-thank you for coming! We ordered hot sake but we can get something else if you don't like it..."

Amon smiled. "That's fine. Sorry for being a little late, Marude-san cornered me just as I was leaving."

Hide hadn't had the pleasure of personally talking to Marude, but from what he'd glimpsed of the man, he was reminiscent of a mean chihuahua. Hide took a gamble and said so, earning a surprised squeak from Takizawa and a deep chuckle from Amon.

"I've never made the connection, but now I'll never be able to unsee it." Amon mused, loosening his tie as the waiter brought over three choko and a bottle.

They all inclined their heads in gratitude before Amon poured each of them a generous amount. They all raised their glasses but didn't bother with a verbal toast, and in unison they drank.

Amon was just as stony faced as always, and Takizawa was grimacing as he smacked his mouth.

"You know you're supposed to sip it... it's not a shot." Amon said, clearly amused.

He filled Takizawa's empty cup and Hide laughed good humoredly.

"He's trying to get a headstart on us."

Amon hummed, swirling his small cup around. "After the week we've had, I don't blame him."

Hide sipped his drink, not particularly fond of the taste but doing it anyway.

"So you guys aren't usually that busy? I thought that's just how hectic it usually was."

Takizawa shook his head his eyes widening. "Not at all. You came in at a really rough time."

"Is that so?" Hide questioned nonchalantly, but he noticed that Amon was nursing his drink, looking intensely at Takizawa.

Now wasn't the time to press on the matter.

Amon set his cup down and smiled warmly at Hide.

"I'm sorry, I was a bit rude. I'm Amon Koutarou."

"Nagachika Hideyoshi, I just started this week."

Amon topped off his and Hide's drinks. "Takizawa was telling me you're a very hard worker."

"Well, I'm sure everyone's pulling their weight."

"Some more than others." Takizawa commented, imitating Amon's slow cup swirling.

Amon sighed and rubbed his eyes. "You know, let's not talk about work. I've got a single day off and I want to enjoy it."

The three of them talked comfortably, finishing off the first serving of sake and ordering another. Hide was pacing himself, allowing Takizawa and Amon to drink the majority of the alcohol, but even though he was being careful, he could feel a warm glow in his belly. Takizawa was having a hard time sitting up straight and his eyes were unfocused, and Amon had a light blush high up on his cheeks. Takizawa's words were slurred as he went on and on about some show, and Hide made sure to imitate his slurs when he responded.

When the conversation died down, Hide decided it was time to make his move.

"Didja hear about that one guy who got fired? Some big time producer, I forget his name..."

Takizawa tapped the table excitedly. "Oh, oh I heard 'bout that! They found out he was a Bitter!"

Hide nodded solemly before bringing his cup to his lips and pretending to take a sip. "Pretty messed up, eh? Just wanting a better life n' getting fired for it."

Amon shook his head at Hide's words. "It's despicable, is what it is."

Hide leaned forward.

"Amon-san, I didn't know you felt so stringly 'bout this."

"Course he does! He's the one--"

"Takizawa."

Takizawa sucked his lips in his mouth and his eyes widened like an owl as Amon's warning tone cut him off.

Hide knew he was getting somewhere, he needed to press, but he had to be careful.

"The one who what?"

He purposely set his cup down awkwardly, making some of it spill. "Oops." He laughed, grabbing a napkin and quickly mopping up the small mess. He set the napkin aside and looked back at them.

"So what, are you part of some Bitter Rights group or something?"

Amon's face didn't convey anything, but the way Takizawa was pointedly looking away told him his answer.

"That's ridiculous. The CCG stands with the Bitters, you should know that." Amon's voice was level, and the happy atmosphere suddenly went stale.

"That's too bad." Hide said, circling his finger around the rim of his glass.

"Why?" Takizawa said, his eyes dazedly fixed on Hide's finger.

Hide shrugged. "I don't know, man. It's just... even with the CCG behind them, they've really been getting the short end of the stick, y'know? It just pisses me off."

Takizawa nodded solemnly. "You don't know the half of it."

Amon's stoniness broke at that comment and he looked cautiously at Takizawa.

"Hm? What do you mean by that?" Hide asked innocently.

Takizawa looked up blearily at Hide before looking at Amon and shrugging.

"Dunno."

If only Amon wasn't here, Hide might actually be able to get information from him. He decided to try a different tactic.

"Hey," Hide leaned in confidentially. "You guys, you seem like good people. People I can trust. How would you feel if I told you I wanted to start a group, a group that supported Bitters?"

Amon looked carefully at Hide before crossing his arms.

"I would say that that's a very dangerous thing to start. Something that might even cost you your life."

"What if I told you I knew that, and still wanted to do it?"

Amon looked around the bar before leaning in as well.

"Why is this so important to you?"

"You really wanna know?"

Hide refused to look away from Amon's eyes.

"The two people I love most in the world are ghouls. I want this world to be safe for them. This is the only way I know I can protect them."

Amon's hard expression softened. "You know I could report you and you'd be executed, right?"

"I know."

A watery sob made them break their eye contact as they both looked over at Takizawa, who was wiping at his eyes.

"Takizawa-san, are you okay?" Hide said awkwardly.

Takizawa shook his head. "S-s-sorry. It's just-t....it must be s-so hard for you." He sniffled.

Hide smiled warmly. "I feel like I'm gonna fall apart at any time. But I keep myself together for them."

"Shit." Amon leaned back, his eyes back on Hide, searching his face. "This is a conversation we maybe shouldn't be having here."

Takizawa wiped his eyes and looked up at Amon. "Are you--"

Amon nodded. "It's perfect. We need someone who can go about unnoticed. But now isn't the time to be talking about this."

Amon slid out of the booth and straightened his jacket. "Nagachika-san, have you been to the park two blocks from here?"

"Yeah, I have."

"Meet me there the day after tomorrow. Same time as now."

Hide dug in his pocket and checked the time.

7:48.

"Okay."

Amon nodded and motioned for Takizawa to stand up. Takizawa clumsily slid out of the booth and Amon wrapped an arm around his waist for support.

"I'll help him home. Will you be okay?"

Hide nodded. "Yeah, no worries. You two take care."

Amon lowered his voice. "I think it goes without saying that you shouldn't speak a word of this to anyone."

"Of course." Amon nodded, satisfied, and began his slow trek tot he door with Takizawa in tow.

Hide looked back down at his phone. They had been here for nearly three hours, a lot longer than Hide had expected.

A lot could have happened in three hours.

He watched his phone impatiently, waiting for 5 minutes to pass.

As soon as the numbers changed to 7:53 he stood up and made his way out onto the street.

 

~~~~~~

 

The count was cut off with a raw scream and Kaneki, though his eyesight was wavering, continued to watch as the flat faced man worked Tsukiyama over.

The man patted Tsukiyama's face, smearing blood on his cheek.

"Keep counting, pretty boy. Don't lose track."

Tsukiyama's eyes were unfocused and his lips moved soundlessly as he tried to comply.

Kaneki wanted to scream, but his torn and bloody throat was a testament to the uselessness of it. He wanted to look away, every fiber of his being protested the fact that his eyes were on Tsukiyama, but he wouldn't let himself look away.

This was his punishment for being weak. And he swore to himself, with every long, slender finger that fell uncerimoniously into the bucket, that he was going to save Tsukiyama, and that he would protect him from everything. That he would never let the ones he loved be hurt again.

The man grabbed Tsukiyama's face and forced his head up.

"Hey, hey, are you done counting?"

Tsukiyama couldn't seem to catch his breath to answer.

"Well in that case, you don't need these, do you?"

Kaneki tensed his body against his restraints as his body moved reflexively to try to help him. Tsukiyama's bottom lip was pinched between two fingers before being snipped off effortlessly. Blood poured down the front of Tsukiyama's shirt and the voice that had seemed to have left Tsukiyama came back full force as he screamed.

The man laughed dryly before turning his attention to Kaneki. He raised the lip up and shook it.

"Hungry?"

Kaneki fought against the restraints, dry sobs escaping him as Tsukiyama slumped in his chair.

The man smiled and popped the lip in his mouth, chewing it a few times before swallowing. "

You don't know what you're missing out on, he's delicious."

Kaneki glared at the man, wanting nothing more than to break out of his restraints and rip the man's stomach out, to take the part of Tsukiyama he had eaten.

The man hummed, flinging the tool in his hand to get the excess blood off of it.

"You seem pretty lively. You ready for another round already?"

Kaneki felt the pit of his stomach sink as the man came towards him, a wide grin splitting his face.

He didn't want this, but when he was being tortured, at least Tsukiyama wasn't being hurt. It was a small thing, but enough to hold onto to bare the pain.

The ghoul ran a finger lightly over the back of Kaneki's knuckles before he felt cold steel press tightly around his index finger. There was a blast of pain in his finger that quickly spread in shivering waves through his body. It made him nauseous but he had nothing in his stomach to throw up so he gagged uselessly, tasting coppery blood in his mouth from his torn throat.

He looked to Tsukiyama, who was still motionless in his chair. He wanted to call out to him, but at the same time he was glad that Tsukiyama had passed out so he didn't have to see what was happening.

The man looked over his shoulder to where Kaneki was looking and smiled.

"Are you two close? This must be hell for you, then." He snipped another finger as he continued conversationally. "Is that why you're trying so hard? To save him?"

He leaned in close to Kaneki's ear. "Or is the fact that you can't escape because you don't love him as much as you thought?"

Without thinking Kaneki collected the spit and blood pooled in his mouth and spat it on the man's cheek.

The man straightened up, letting his tongue poke out of his mouth and taste the mess as it slid down his cheek.

"Is that how you want to play, little boy?"

He walked back over to Tsukiyama and Kaneki felt hot tears well in his eyes as he tried to work his burning throat.

"N...o. I'm s-sorry, please...c...ome back."

He grabbed a fistful of Tsukiyama's hair and lifted his head, ignoring Kaneki's plea. Tsukiyama's bottom lip hadn't fully regrown yet, and blood still oozed steadily from the wound.

Kaneki coughed and forced his quavering voice to raise.

"I'm sorry! Please, leave him alone!"

The man smiled.

"Why don't you come here and save him yourself? You love him, don't you?"

Knowing it was useless, Kaneki fought tirelessly against his restraints, the chains rattling loudly in his ears.

A few hard slaps to the cheek made Tsukiyama's eyes flutter before hazily opening.

"I'm going to give you two a choice. When I come back, I expect and answer. And If you don't choose, I'll kill you both. Got it?"

He tightened his grip in Tsukiyama's hair and moved his arm to make Tsukiyama nod.

"The choice is: you--" he gestured to Kaneki, then to Tsukiyama, "--or him."

He released Tsukiyama's hair and left the room, his heels clicking smartly on the black and white tile.

Their pants echoed off the walls, both of them healing slowly as they tried to catch their breath.

"We... don't know which is the good choice..." Tsukiyama managed, his speech slightly distorted as his lip had not yet fully healed.

Kaneki's whole body was shivering uncontrollably. What was the right choice? Was the person who was chosen the one who would be spared or the one who would get tortured (or die, his mind whispered to him, but he stubbornly refused to aknowledge it). The physical torment was nearly enough to drive him mad, but these psychological attacks were quickly driving him to the edge. What could he do to save Tsukiyama, to save both of them? Even if they both managed to escape, with the constant regeneration and the lack of food, both of them were weak.

The hunger alone made him feel like he was going crazy.

**_When are you going to realize, Kaneki?_ **

The floor, the walls, the entire room seemed to fall away and he was greeted by silence. Calmness rolled over him, and his thoughts seemed to be completely unhindered. 

_**Realize what?** _

_**That there's nothing you can do. At least, not with the way you are.** _

_**I know that. If I could just get free--** _

_**That's not what I meant.** _

She stayed just outside of his vision, but he could clearly feel her presence right beside him.

_**What do you mean?** _

_**You're weak, Kaneki. Even after you got power from me, you refuse to use it.** _

_**I don't understand.** _

_**You do, you just don't want to.** _

They both knew she was right. But to revoke everything he knew, to fully become the thing inside him... what was the cost?

_**Listen to yourself! You're scared of what will happen, but you aren't thinking of what will happen if you don't change.** _

The blank scenery melted into a familiar sight, one he didn't think he'd ever see again. Nishiki and Touka were bickering as they straightened up tables. Koma and Irimi were behind the counter and shared a laugh at the two younger ghouls as they went at it. Yoshimura-san watched them all, a light smile on his face.

_**What is this scene to you, Kaneki?** _

_**It's...home.** _

The warm glow he felt from seeing them all together turned cold and heavy as he realized that he would never experience this sight again.

_**That's right. It's gone. And you weren't there to help. Why?** _

_**Because... because I had to protect Hide.** _

_**Protect him? Don't make me laugh. It's because he was going to your place he got attacked in the first place.** _

Kaneki bit his bottom lip and shook his head.

**_What, is the truth too much for you? Hide was hurt because of you. Anteiku is gone because you abandoned it, and Tsukiyama is getting hurt because you were selfish. And he'll continue getting hurt, because you are weak, Kaneki._ **

**_Stop! Please, stop..._ **

**_What's more, you know Hide isn't one to stay idle. He'll find this place, sooner or later. What do you think his fate will be in the hands of these barbarians?_ **

**_I won't let that happen! I'm going to save Tsukiyama before that happens!_ **

**_How, Kaneki? How?_ **

 

**_I'll...become strong._ **

 

~~~~~~~~

 

The light buzz he had wore off in no time, and he found himself doing as he had been doing the whole week, drinking shitty coffee and looking across the street. Nishiki's description wasn't much-- blonde hair, reptilian face-- but when the man in the white suit walked by, there was no doubt about it.

This was the man.

Hide didn't get up right away, but sat still, covertly watching the man as he entered the shop.

But he didn't enter-- instead he stopped at the doorway.

Hide perked up and squinted his eyes in the fading light, wondering what this odd behavior was about.

Yamori turned his head and their eyes locked.

Hide's whole body went cold.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit. He had to leave. There was no being covert about it, he had to leave right _now_ , and not come back.

He stood up and went down the street, Fighting the urge to look behind him. He needed to find a crowd to get lost in, and fast. There was a group of people up ahead, crossing the street. He broke into a run, knowing how vulnerable he was. He had to go, go, go--

"Not so fast there, little rabbit."

A vice-like arm wrapped around his waist and his feet left the ground. He kicked wildly and dug his fingers into the arm around him, but nothing worked. He was being dragged into an alley and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

He breathed in deeply to scream, but a thick hand covered his mouth and nose, anticipating his action.

He couldn't breathe, and his lungs burned as he continued flailing in the ghoul's grasp.

"I thought it was funny that I kept seeing you." Hide felt warm breath against the side of his face. "By the smell of you, it's obvious it's not a coincidence. You reek of my new play toys."

Hide kept fighting, though he knew it was useless. His vision began tunneling, and he noticed that his limbs were slowly becoming less responsive. He felt like he was dying, his brain kept screaming _Air! Air!_ but no matter how hard he tried, nothing was offering his lungs reprieve.

Seemingly from far away, he heard the man chuckle.

"This definitely makes things more interesting." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters to go ;__;


	22. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamori has a treat for Kaneki and Tsukiyama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So remember when I said there were two chapters left? Well I lied. (not on purpose though, after plotting everything out I thought it was a little too rushed so I added another chapter to let the pacing seem more relaxed.) So now there will be a total of 24 chapters!
> 
> Anyways, thank you to everyone who has read this far, I really appreciate it!

"Have you decided?"

Kaneki had been hardly conscious, but the words roused him. He tiredly raised his head to see the ghoul standing over him, two lengths of cloth in his hand.

"M....me." Kaneki croaked, his voice hardly sounding human. "Please... hurt me."

The ghoul laughed, running a hand tenderly through Kaneki's hair. "How can I say no when you beg so nicely?"

Relieved tears welled up and ran down his cheeks. Tsukiyama hadn't woken up since he had last been tortured, the only thing proving he was still alive was the uneven, shallow rise of his chest. Kaneki didn't know if Tsukiyama could take any more. Maybe he would be lucky and Tsukiyama wouldn't wake up until the monster was done with Kaneki.

If luck held up, maybe Tsukiyama wouldn't see what Kaneki was about to do in retaliation.

The ghoul went behind Kaneki's chair and something was put over Kaneki's eyes. No, this was bad, why was he doing this? Kaneki struggled as best as he could, but the cloth was fastened tightly and his vision was completely blocked.

"W-wait! please, hurt me, leave him alone, I'll do anything, anything you want!"

He heard a deep chuckle and the sound of footsteps as he left Kaneki's side.

"No! You said you wouldn't! Please, come back! Hurt me! Hurt me!"

"Wake up, sleeping beauty."

There was a sharp slap and Kaneki could hear Tsukiyama groan.

"That's right, I need you both awake for this. I've got a little treat for the both of you. I'm sure you're hungry, right?"

Kaneki felt sick. What was the man planning now? What was the purpose of the blindfolds? He fought in his restraints and cried out in frustration.

The ghoul laughed. "Sit tight for a few minutes, I'll be right back."

Kaneki stilled and listened to the man retreating, and finally the click of the door.

"Tsukiyama, are you okay?"

"...I think my eyes are gone. He t-took my eyes, why haven't they grown back?"

Kaneki's heart hurt as he listened to Tsukiyama's small, broken voice.

"Shh, it's okay, your eyes are fine, he just blindfolded us."

"But...why?"

Kaneki didn't have the answer, so the question hung heavily in the air as they both fell silent.

He needed to eat. Just one bite from a ghoul would be enough, just enough to spike his RC cell level and help him break out of these restraints. The serum the ghoul had been administering had worn off, and Kaneki could feel his strength returning to some degree.

But if he was blindfolded, the chances of getting a bite on the man were slim.

What treat was the ghoul talking about? Was he really going to feed them? Would it be enough to let Kaneki break free?

The darkness made him feel as if he were in a deep abyss, left only with his terrible thoughts. It felt like his throat was closing up and he was suffocating, he was drowning on air and he wondered if someone could actually die from a panic attack.

"I'd be.....so alone... without you..."

The voice that spoke was ragged and cracked, but it was unmistakably Tsukiyama's. Kaneki gasped in air like a fish out of water, his panicked mind not understanding what his words meant.

"Maybe....you'd be lonesome too... and blue..."

The words echoed in the room and in Kaneki's mind, and finally he remembered what they were from. It was the song him and Tsukiyama had danced to in the living room of the beach house, the song Tsukiyama had said was his favorite.

Kaneki's breathing was still harsh, but as he clung to the words, the memories slowly surfaced of that afternoon.

Tsukiyama's voice kept on breaking, but he kept on singing, and gradually Kaneki's throat loosened and his breathing evened out.

He couldn't let himself lose control, not right now. He would dance to this song again, holding Tsukiyama close. He would kiss Hide again and see the way he scrunched his nose up when he laughed.

Control. He had to stay in control.

Tsukiyama's voice trailed off as he coughed weakly.

"I love you, Shuu."

It took a few seconds for Tsukiyama to reply, and when he did, Kaneki could tell that he was crying.

"I love you too, Ken."

The sound of a door opening. Without hesitation, Kaneki hanged his head and was deadly still.

The sound of footsteps, accompanied by the low sliding sound of something being dragged.

The sound of Tsukiyama crying as the footsteps drew closer.

The sound of his own heart, beating hot and fast.

"Oi, did you pass out on me?"

Kaneki didn't reply.

The ghoul huffed. "Doesn't matter. I've got something that'll perk you up real fast."

He kept his muscles lax, even as his adrenaline spiked.

_Come closer, closer, closer._

He could hear the thick metallic sound of the ghoul's favorite tool opening, a sound he was all too familiar with. But it was too far away to be for him. Was it for....?

His breathing sped up, but he kept still.

_I'm sorry, Shuu. Just a little more, bare it just a little more._

Another metallic noise as the tool closed around it's target, and the wet crack of bone.

A scream, but not Tsukiyama's.

Whose was it?

It didn't matter, all that mattered was to stay still, to not move, to play opossum.

"Good morning!" The ghoul said cheerily. "I thought I might have killed you! It doesn't matter either way, though. You'll be dead soon."

The person's scream ebbed away to heavy panting, and Kaneki felt his heart lurch.

That voice...

It couldn't be. His blind state was making him hear things.

Focus. Focus on the task at hand.

The footsteps were drawing near him and he slowly exhaled.

"I'll let you have the first bite, how's that sound?"

Kaneki's head was jerked up by his hair and he let his mouth hang slack. Something warm was pressed against his lips and the unmistakable taste of blood ran across his tongue.

Now.

Kaneki jerked forward and opened his mouth wide enough to elicit a pop from his jaw, biting down as soon as he had enough meat in his mouth. The ghoul cursed as Kaneki's teeth cracked through bones and tore flesh.

He swallowed, his throat tearing as jagged bone fragments went down but it didn't matter, he could feel energy pulsing back into himself.

_Kill. He hurt Tsukiyama, and now he must pay. Kill. Kill._

The chains around his wrists and ankles tore easily, and he jumped from the chair as he pulled the blindfold off. The ghoul was holding his hand and glaring at him. Kaneki saw nothing but that sly, wide face. He wanted to bash it in again and again, to pluck an eye out for every time he touched Tsukiyama.

"You bastard!" The ghoul bellowed, his kagune ripping through his suit and wrapping itself around him, like some sort of bizarre armor.

It didn't matter. Kaneki smiled at him as he let his own kagune out, whipping them behind himself to propel himself forward.

"K-Kaneki!"

That was Hide's voice, no doubt about it. What a sweet sound to hear after these terrible days.

"Don't worry Hide!" Kaneki and the ghoul clashed, blocking and dodging each other's attacks. "We're coming home, Hide! I'm going to bring us both home to you!"

The ghoul threw a punch that would have sent him flying, but he wrapped his kagune around it and sunk his teeth into the armor, cracking it and swallowing the pointed shards. The ghoul tried to fling him off with a roar, but Kaneki clung tight, deftly wrapping one of his kagune around the man's legs, throwing him off balance.

They both hit the ground hard, but Kaneki was prepared, immediately getting to his feet and sinking a kagune into each of the ghoul's limbs.

"We're coming home..."

The ghoul's chest heaved as he tried in vain to dislodge the kagune. Kaneki ripped at the armor around his stomach, throwing the chunks to the side. As soon as it was clear enough, he plunged his hand into the ghoul's stomach, twisting it a few times before grabbing hold of a handful of slippery intestines. He pulled them out, plunging his other hand into the soft wet mess to help.

Organ after organ slipped out and he took a sloppy bite out of each before throwing it to the side.

"Nine...nine hundred, ninety three..." The ghoul choked out, tears and snot sliding down his face.

Kaneki stopped and listened as he fumbled over the next numbers.

"You..." Kaneki grabbed the ghoul's cheeks roughly. "You were going to take away my Tsukiyama. You were going to take away my Hide."

He grabbed the man's ears and slammed his head against the checkerboard floor.

"You were going to take them! Take them away!"

With each shout he slammed the man's head against the floor.

"I won't let you! I won't let you!"

The cracking sound of bone on tile soon turned to a wet, moist noise as the action was repeated again and again.

"Hideyoshi?"

Kaneki heard Tsukiyama's voice from behind him and his head snapped in the direction. Someone was touching Tsukiyama.

"I! Won't! _Let! You!_ "

Kaneki launched himself from the ghoul and sprang at the intruder hurting Tsukiyama.

"Get away, he's mine!"

He hit them full force and they fell to the floor.

"Get away! _Getawaygetawaygetaway!_ "

Big brown eyes stared up at him as blood and spittle flew from his lips and peppered the face beneath him. A hand reached for him and he felt his body prickle and react immediately, pinning it down and biting into the bicep.

"Kaneki, stop, please _stop!_ " Tsukiyama was screaming, but he was only dimly aware of it.

The taste in his mouth was clean, washing out the spoiled taste of ghoul on his tongue. This person, it wasn't a ghoul. When had someone else gotten here anyways?

That's right, the monster had brought someone.

But why?

Sound and vision seemed to snap back to him with brutal clarity, and the weird frenzy he had been in dissipated.

What had he been doing?

He pulled his head up and Hide was beneath him, tears running down the sides of his face as he lay there, not fighting back.

That expression. The one thing he had feared to see on Hide's face since the accident that turned him into a ghoul.

He stood up, his world spinning and lurching sickeningly.

Tsukiyama's blindfold had been removed and he was crying as he struggled in his restraints. Hide must have been trying to free him.

He turned his head to the ghoul that had tortured them, now a bloody mess, the small clever eyes which had shimmered so menacingly now glazed and staring blankly at the ceiling. He touched his lips, wet with blood.

"What did I..."

 


	23. Solution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A solution is found

The two of them slept for 19 hours. Hide didn't leave their side the whole time.

He brushed Kaneki's white hair out of his eyes and kissed his forehead before moving to Tsukiyama's, who had a silver streak at his temple.

What had they gone through? What had they endured? Bitter tears overwhelmed him multiple times, and he would cry silently as the two of them slept on, grimaces on their faces. Were they dreaming? If they were, were they nightmares?

The escape seemed surreal now, running through the woods supporting Tsukiyama as distant screams ahead of them told that Kaneki had cleared the path.

Getting to Kaneki's apartment as the sun rose.

Kaneki's blank unresponsiveness as he cleaned the bite on Hide's arm and the stump where his pinkie had been.

Tsukiyama hardly being able to lift his head so he could eat from Kaneki's arm.

Tsukiyama kissing Hide afterwards, and Hide tasting Kaneki's blood in his mouth.

Kaneki not looking at either of them, his eyes glassy and empty, like a doll.

But even though Hide's heart hurt so much it seemed unbearable, he was happy. They were home, they were safe. No matter what happened now, it didn't matter, because they would get through it.

He checked his phone. It was almost time to meet Amon. Should he wake them?

He stood up, nearly collapsing as his legs buckled and his head spun. He held onto the chair, making it slide noisily on the floor.

Something warm and slick wrapped around him instantly, nearly lifting him off his feet.

Kaneki was panting and making a weird noise in the back of his throat as he crouched on the bed, his eyes wide and darting around the room as his kagune anxiously slithered around Tsukiyama and tightened on Hide.

"Good, ah, morning." Hide said, smiling calmingly at Kaneki.

"There was someone here. I heard them."

"It's just us here, Kaneki."

Kaneki was still panting, his eyes still roaming the room. Tsukiyama's eyes had opened and he grabbed the end of the kagune sliding around him.

"Kaneki-kun..." He kissed the tip of the dark red tentacle.

The kagune slowly retracted and Hide quickly got his bearings back. "I didn't mean to wake you two. I'm sorry."

Kaneki got out of bed without answering him and went to the window, looking out onto the darkening street before going to the bedroom door. Tsukiyama sat up tiredly as they both listened to Kaneki checking the locks on the windows throughout the apartment.

"What time is it?" Tsukiyama's voice was hoarse and weak.

"A little past seven."

Tsukiyama nodded slowly, the sleepiness leaving his eyes. "And...what day is it?"

Hide realized that the two of them had no idea how long they had been in captivity and he had to fight to keep his voice even.

"March 29th."

Tsukiyama nodded again, but it was evident that he was surprised at the date. Had he thought it had been longer than thirteen days? It had probably seemed like a lifetime.

Kaneki came back into the room and the three of them sat in silence.

Hide cleared his throat after a while, prompting both of them to look at him.

"I've gotta meet with someone in a few minutes."

"No."

Hide blinked at Kaneki's decisive tone. "I wasn't asking permission."

Kaneki's nostrils flared. "You can't go."

Though his body language radiated authority, his voice shook at the end. Hide smiled and closed the space between them, grabbing one of his hands.

"I have to go. It's about the Bitters. There's a way to save them." He raised Kaneki's hand and kissed the top of it. His skin was so warm, almost feverish. "I'm not saying I should go alone. I'd actually prefer if you both went with me."

Kaneki sighed as Hide unfurled his fingers and placed a soft kiss on each black nail.

"What...if it's a trap?" Kaneki said, his voice still shaking.

"Anything has a chance to be a trap."

Kaneki sucked his teeth and gave him an annoyed look, the first genuine emotion he had seen on his face since they had been saved. "That's not helping your case."

Hide laughed softly. "I know. But I've got to try, you know? The Bitters deserve a chance at happiness. Everyone does."

Kaneki looked down at their joined hands and grimaced lightly before turning his attention to Tsukiyama.

"Shuu, you'll have to go too."

Tsukiyama flinched as his name was said and looked up hurriedly. "Yes, I have no objections."

Hide nearly burst into tears at how skittish Tsukiyama was. Was it something temporary, or was the confident, flamboyant young man gone forever? By the way the corners of Kaneki's mouth pulled down and his eyes grew dark, Hide knew he was thinking the same thing.

"Okay then. I guess we should get ready."

 

~~~~~~

 

"This is..."

"The park we used to hang out at, yeah." Hide replied.

Kaneki smiled inwardly. Funny how things worked out like that. The park was dark, the streetlights hardly reaching through the trees lining it. Dark shadows pressed against them from all sides and as the wind blew they came to life, shifting and dancing and making Kaneki fight to not grab Hide and Tsukiyama and run.

There was a figure up ahead, standing in one of the scarce patches of light. Kaneki recognized him, even though it had been months since their last encounter.

"Is that him, Hide?"

"Yeah."

"You two stay here. I need to talk to him." Hide was about to protest but Kaneki squeezed his shoulder and shot him a smile. "I'm not gonna do anything stupid, promise."

Hide's eyes glimmered in the darkness. "We'll be right here."

Kaneki nodded and smiled at both of them before stepping forward.

As the distance closed between them, the man's eyes narrowed before widening. _He recognizes me too, even with this white hair._ Kaneki thought, though he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

He stopped a few feet away from the man.

"Eyepatch."

"Dove."

The man's stony demeanor gave up a little at that.

"Amon might be a better name to call me." Amon looked behind Kaneki before looking back. "What are the chances we'd meet again... especially in such circumstances."

Kaneki smiled a little. "Life loves coincidences."

Amon nodded before setting his expression. "Did Nagachika-san tell you anything?"

"No. I've been a little...preoccupied."

Amon hummed and they stood in silence, sizing each other up. The wind blew again, causing the shadows on the ground to stir.

It was weird. Even though they had both fought each other, even though they were part of two different worlds, there was an undeniable link of respect between them. And it was that link of respect that told Kaneki that he could trust this man.

"Things have really gone to shit." Amon muttered, a bitter smile tugging at his lips as his large frame seemed to deflate. He suddenly looked ten years older, and dead tired.

Kaneki could feel himself relaxing too, and he wondered if he looked as bad as the investigator did.

"Trust me, I know just how bad it's been."

Amon's smiled sadly at him. "I'm sure you do."

Making up his mind, Kaneki motioned at Amon. "Come on."

They both walked over to Tsukiyama and Hide, who had been watching the exchange. They both looked simultaneously shocked and relieved.

Hide raised a hand weakly. "Hello, Amon-san."

Amon inclined his head before straightening up. "These must be the two you were talking about."

"Yep, this is them." Hide smiled awkwardly. "I hope you don't mind that I brought them along."

"It's no problem."

Tsukiyama moved behind Hide, clutching his uninjured arm. Kaneki stood beside him and gently placed a comforting hand on his back.

"It's okay Tsukiyama, I know him. He's a good man."

"As weird as it may seem, I'm on your side." Amon said, his deep voice taking on a gentle tone. "The CCG, they're planning something. Something any decent person couldn't stand behind."

"What is it?" Kaneki asked, his heart pounding just a little faster.

"A mass extermination. All the Bitters who have come in for the operation are being tracked, and now that they've had time to settle back down in their homes, the CCG are going to strike."

Kaneki barked a harsh laugh, instantly regretting it as Tsukiyama cringed.

Amon raised an eyebrow. "What's so funny?"

Kaneki shook his head. "Nothing, it's just that Tsukiyama here predicted that this would happen."

"Is that so?" Amon said, clearly impressed.

Tsukiyama nodded stiffly, holding his head proudly but Kaneki couldn't help but notice that his hand clutched Hide tighter as he was addressed.

"So what's the plan to stop this?" Kaneki asked, drawing Amon's attention away from Tsukiyama.

"We have everything set up, all that's left is the execution of it. And we need Nagachika for that."

Kaneki felt himself bristle at that. Amon seemed to sense the change in atmosphere around Kaneki and he stepped forward, his brow creasing.

"The risk of anything bad happening is small, incredibly small." He sighed and rubbed his cheek. "But I understand, that risk is still there. But out of everyone in this operation, he'll be the safest and have the highest rate of success."

"Why?" Kaneki felt anger prickling under his skin. "Why does it have to be Hide?"

"Because," Amon said, his voice soft, "Interns can come and go unnoticed. They have less files on them in the system and can be deleted easily. They're practically invisible. If he were to disappear, he would be like a phantom."

"Disappear..." Hide put his hand over Tsukiyama's. "You mean...I would have to leave Tokyo after this."

Amon nodded curtly, his jaw set. "I know it's a lot to ask--"

"I'll do it."

Kaneki looked at Hide, panic thick in his mind. Tsukiyama seemed to be feeling the same way, his face wracked with distress.

"Hideyoshi..."

Hide's eyes were shining and he smiled warmly as he squeezed Tsukiyama's hand. Kaneki's throat felt tight as he he looked at Hide's bandaged hand, at the jarringly empty place where his pinkie had been.

"Let me be superman and save the day for once." He joked lightly.

Hide looked at Kaneki and Kaneki could see there was no talking him out of it.

Resigned, Kaneki nodded his head and Hide's smile widened as he turned it back to Amon.

"What do I have to do?"

Relief melted the stress on Amon's face.

"It's very simple. Just take this--" Amon reached into his pocket and pulled out a small rectangle, holding it up for them to see. "--And put it in one of the computers in the file room. Then leave the building, and don't come back."

Hide furrowed his brow before laughing. "You can't be serious. That's it?"

Kaneki felt like laughing himself. Surely this whole mess couldn't be solved so simply?

"That's it." Amon said. "One of the people for our cause made a program that'll wipe the whole system, which is right here, on this flash drive." He looked at the thing in his hand as if it were a precious jewel. Kaneki supposed it wasn't too far from the truth, really.

"Takizawa-san and I have spent the past month looking over everything and it should work, since they keep all the tracking data on the computer. The physical files on the patients are a little more tricky, but we've been getting rid of those little by little. The ones who still have a paper trail will have to change their names or leave as well. Which leads me to my next request."

Amon's gaze flicked back to Kaneki.

"There's a doctor who has been performing the surgery on ghouls under the table."

"But the serum--" Tsukiyama said before looking embarrassed at his outburst.

Amon smiled. "Takizawa _might_ have slipped him a sample of the serum so he could recreate it." Still smiling, he turned back to Kaneki.

"You two should give him a visit. Tell him what I've told you here so he can tell his patients."

Hide let go of Tsukiyama's hand and closed the few steps between him and Amon. The flashdrive went from Amon's hand to Hide's, then to his pants pocket. Kaneki found himself absurdly imagining Hide accidentally washing the pants without emptying the pockets, and how he would have to make sure Hide didn't get near the washer, at least until tomorrow.

Amon put his hands back in his pockets and nodded at all of them.

"Everything will work out. It's going to be better."

Hide's hand ran over the small lump in his pocket before smiling.

"I know it will be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're here guys, the final stretch. Goshhhhhh, I'm sad, this story has been so much fun to write ;__;
> 
> Tsukihidekane doesn't get nearly as much love as it deserves, it's such a beautiful and well balanced ship. I can only hope I've done it some justice!
> 
> So now that the story is ending, I'm curious: what was your favorite part?


	24. Bittersweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the end of the story... I'm sad it's over, but I had a lot of fun along the way. 
> 
> Enjoy~

He knew that his hair made him stick out, but putting his hood up would only make him look more out of place. It had been 15 minutes since Hide had entered the CCG building. Tsukiyama had one arm tightly locked around one of Kaneki's own, the other hand on his cellphone, watching as the minutes slowly ticked by. Kaneki's heart was beating hot and hard in his ears, and his eyes stared unblinkingly at the entrance of the building.

What if Hide didn't come out? What if something went wrong?

It didn't matter. Kaneki would tear through every investigator in the building if he had to. Ever since the escape from Aogiri, his blood seemed to be running hot, his skin burning and prickling, his kagune seeming eager to slip out and tear through anyone who came in the way of him and his partners.

Tsukiyama inhaled sharply and held him tighter as the front doors slid open and Hide emerged, his bright hair partially hidden under a baseball cap. Kaneki took a step forward before stopping himself. Patience. Hide was okay, the mission was complete. He bent down and grabbed a hold of one of the suitcases at his feet, and Tsukiyama did the same.

Hide crossed the street hurriedly and gave them a wink as their eyes met. Kaneki began walking slowly down the street with Tsukiyama and Hide quickly fell into step with them.

"Everything went smoothly?" Kaneki asked asked under his breath.

"You betcha." Hide said, wrapping an arm around Kaneki's waist. "Smoother than Tsukiyama's ass."

Tsukiyama sucked his teeth. "Always so lewd, Nagachika..."

Hide laughed and squeezed Kaneki's side warmly.

  
~~~~~

  
The man's living room served as the waiting room. Kaneki stared blankly at the wall, his hand running absently through Hide's hair as he dozed with his head in his lap. Hide had wanted to stay awake and had fought it desperately, but his exhaustion won out in the end. Kaneki was happy about that. When he had finally taken a good look at him, he could see that he had lost weight, and looked as if he hadn't slept in days.

It was also probably best for him not to see Kaneki in the state he was currently in. He was on edge, feeling ready to burst at the smallest provocation. Even though he had thoroughly checked into doctor Nezuhira, he couldn't completely trust him. It was hard to trust anyone after everything that had happened. But this was something Tsukiyama wanted, and Kaneki couldn't find any reason to not trust the ghoul doctor.

Kaneki sighed as he looked down at Hide. _Things were going to get better_ , those were Hide's exact words. And, he supposed, they already were. Considering the mission had only been complete for a few hours, they probably wouldn't hear anything about it for awhile. That is, if they heard anything about it at all. The CCG weren't the type of people to admit wrongdoings or errors, in the end.

And now they were here, at this place that gave hope at a reasonable price.

The door across the room opened and Kaneki felt the muscles in his legs coil but he quickly fought it back. The portly older man was rubbing his beefy hands on a towel speckled with blood, his deep set eyes giving him a grave aura. Kaneki shook Hide's shoulder as he spoke, his voice hoarse from unuse.

"Is he okay?"

The doctor pursed his lips. "Of course he's fine. It wasn't major surgery."

Hide roused and sat up with a jolt, not even bothering to rub the sleep out of his eyes as he jumped to his feet. "Doctor Nezuhira! You finished?" Hide's head snapped to Kaneki as he stood. "How long was I out? It couldn't have been more than a few minutes..."

"It's been about an hour." Kaneki said, rubbing his thighs to get some feeling back into them.

"Shit." Hide breathed, standing on his tip toes to look past the doctor. "Is Tsukiyama okay? Did it work?"

Nezuhira's eyes looked flat as he huffed. "If I'm asked that one more time..."

Hide made to go past him, but the doctor put a hand up.

"He's out cold right now. Probably will be for the next hour or so."

"I still want to see him." Hide said firmly.

Nezuhira sighed again before waving him on. "Go ahead. Make it quick though, I have to get prepped for my next patient."

Hide bolted around him into the other room, leaving Kaneki and the doctor alone. A heavy silence fell between them. Kaneki looked around the room as Nezuhira continued rubbing his hands on the towel.

Nezuhira huffed again, something he seemed fond of doing. "It's about time for you to take the RC suppresent, so you won't heal as fast during the surgery."

"I'm--" Kaneki realized he was wringing his hands and dropped them to his sides. "I'm not getting the surgery."

Nezuhira's bushy eyebrows shot up before sinking low as he scowled. "Listen, I've been pretty patient with these insults to my competence, but--"

"It's not that." Kaneki said, letting a small smile lift his lips. "If I didn't think you were good enough, I would have never let you touch Shuu."

The doctor's scowl remained, but his eyes softened.

A few beats of silence passed.

"Do they know?"

It was Kaneki's turn to sigh. "They'll know pretty soon, won't they?"

"That's true enough." Nezuhira mused, tossing the bloody towel over his shoulder. He looked Kaneki over before shrugging his large shoulders. "I've got no place telling you what you should do, but this surgery..."

"I'll get it. Trust me, I want it, _bad_." Kaneki hands fluttered up as he struggled with his words, "It's just, I _can't_ get it. Not right now, anyways." He felt like some new germ being viewed under a microscope with the way the doctor stared at him, but eventually the larger man just shrugged again.

"None of my business after all. But I can't refund you."

Kaneki smiled and nodded before sitting down, signalling the end of their conversation.

~~~

  
There was a fight, of course there was a fight. The moment of joyful tears Tsukiyama and Hide shed at the successful surgery turned sour when they learned of Kaneki's decision. Tsukiyama looked empty, his eyes staring ahead. He looked so thin and fragile on the small cot he was on. Hide on the other hand looked livid, a face Kaneki had never seen from him.

"What the _fuck_ do you mean you aren't doing it?"

Nezuhira left the room, not wanting to seem intrusive, and Kaneki couldn't blame him. Hide looked ferocious.

"Listen, I--"

"No, I'm not gonna listen! Do you realize how stupid you sound? You have a chance to go back, to start over! Staying the way you are is _dangerous_ , Kaneki!"

"It's more dangerous if I change."

Hide's eyes widened a bit at that before narrowing in understanding. "So you're doing this to play martyr? You want to protect us fragile humans, is that it?"

Kaneki felt tired, all he wanted was to be done with this and sleep. Hide scoffed at his silence.

"Did you even stop to think about how we would feel about this?" Hide gestured to Tsukiyama, who bit his lip and looked away. "Being a ghoul is just putting yourself in needless danger--"

"I'm done discussing this."

Hide looked like he had been slapped. It hurt more than the anger.

~~~  
Tsukiyama's first meal was takoyaki from a street vendor. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks as he ate. Hide smiled and hugged him close. It only strengthened Kaneki's conviction that he had made the right choice.

~~~

  
Hinami unashamedly cried and hugged Kaneki hard enough to make his back pop. The bag of peanuts in his hand dropped to the floor as he picked her up (God, when had she gotten so tall?) and he hugged her back just as hard.

Touka and Yomo stood nearby. Touka was crying too, something that made Kaneki realize that yes, this was all really happening. Up until that point, it felt as if he were in a dream, that these things were not permanent, but seeing those happy tears run down Touka's cheeks, seeing her tuck her hair behind her ear as she laughed, it told him that the nightmare was over.

He had worried that Tsukiyama's presence might cause a fight, but everyone was so giddy with happiness and relief that it didn't matter. The three of them stayed for dinner at the small cabin Yomo had been keeping the girls at. Touka cooked a huge meal, and it made fresh tears rise to his eyes watching her and Hinami in the kitchen together, laughing and chopping vegetables. It was so domestic, so _normal_. It was the life they had deserved from the time they had been born, but had been robbed of. They deserved every bit of happiness that they had now, and would assuredly get in the future.

~~~

  
Kaneki had always had a fear of flying, but after everything, it was hardly a trifle.

America was loud in a way that Tokyo wasn't. there were less people, but those people were brighter, more bold, more noisy. But even that didn't get a rise out of him. He felt disjointed from everything, as if he were floating along and watching a stranger live his new life.

Their house was pointlessly big, but according to Tsukiyama, all American houses tended to be that way. They unpacked their few things, and settled effortlessly in their new home. Tsukiyama and Hide began going to school again, and would spend their afternoons teaching Kaneki English. He didn't have any plans to go back to college, but it was what they wanted for him, so he put his best effort into it.

During the time they were in class he haunted the house, going from room to room aimlessly, not wanting to leave, but not knowing what to do when he stayed.

At nights when Hide and Tsukiyama were fast asleep, Kaneki would sometimes go out. He hadn't met any other ghouls so far, but some shop windows still had anti-Bitter propaganda in their windows, letting him know that the mess that had happened so far away had touched this place too.

At night, America felt a little more like home.

One night Tsukiyama caught him leaving and began crying, clinging to him. He had thought that Kaneki was abandoning them, he told him through tearful sobs. Kaneki had held Tsukiyama tightly, his back against the front door, for the rest of the night. Even after months, Tsukiyama was still broken from the things they went through. Kaneki supposed he was still broken, too.

Hide found them there in the morning, Kaneki still awake, twirling the silver lock of the sleeping Tsukiyama's hair between his fingers.

Kaneki stopped going out at night after that.

More time passed. Their house slowly grew more familiar. Kaneki had a basic handling of the language, and though he wasn't ready for school just yet, he would go out with Hide and Tsukiyama now, and sometimes he would even feel carefree. The constant panic he felt when someone looked at one of his lovers, thinking t _hey have finally found Hide_ , or _they know Tsukiyama was a ghoul_ slowly melted.

His sleepless nights became less frequent, though the nightmares always came, but after time, those stopped being as bad too.

Nearly a year later, when Tsukiyama and Hide sat him down at the kitchen table and told him about a doctor they had found, Kaneki listened, and finally, he agreed.

This was the last remnant of the past he had held onto, afraid to let go of the power, even if it meant to suffer.

But it was time to move forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the love and support towards this story. I've never written something so long and ambitious, but who better to do it with than my favorite poly ship? I hope some of you enjoyed it, and I hope some of you have maybe opened your hearts to tsukihidekane...
> 
> I've been writing this for over a year, so I want to just say thank you to all the comments and reviews I've received both here and on tumblr. They always helped motivate me. Thank you so so much!


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